My Nmom has been lying to the whole family about me and my finances

Family dynamics can be complicated, but some parents take things to a whole new level of manipulation and deceit. Imagine working hard to support yourself, building a life on your own, only to discover that your parent has been telling everyone they’ve been financially supporting you for years—and even borrowing money under that pretense.

That’s exactly what happened to this Reddit user, who left home at 17 years old, put herself through school with zero financial help, and eventually built a comfortable life. But when she recently visited her extended family, she discovered that her mother had borrowed 10,000€ from relatives—claiming she needed it to support her!

The worst part? When she told the truth, her family refused to believe her. So, is she wrong for exposing the lies and calling out her mother’s manipulation?

‘My Nmom has been lying to the whole family about me and my finances’

Expert Opinion:

Understanding Parental Financial Manipulation

Parents who lie about financially supporting their children often do so to control narratives, gain sympathy, or secure financial assistance from others. According to Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist, narcissistic parents will often rewrite history to maintain control over how they are perceived by family and friends:

“Narcissistic parents thrive on being seen as martyrs. They will claim responsibility for their children’s success while conveniently erasing any struggles the child endured alone.” (Source)

This type of financial gaslighting creates a false sense of obligation, making others feel guilty for their own independence. In OP’s case, her mother not only manipulated family members but also secured loans under false pretenses, effectively scamming her own relatives.

Why OP’s Family Won’t Believe Her

One of the most frustrating aspects of confronting a manipulative family member is dealing with relatives who refuse to accept the truth. According to Dr. Lindsay Gibson, author of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, people often cling to false narratives because it’s easier than accepting they’ve been deceived:

“When confronted with a difficult truth, many people will choose denial over discomfort. Acknowledging manipulation means admitting they were fooled, which can feel too painful to accept.” (Source)

This explains why OP’s grandmother and aunt refused to believe her despite clear evidence that she had been financially independent for years.

Legal and Ethical Implications of Parental Fraud

While borrowing money under false pretenses isn’t always illegal, it can fall under fraud if the person knowingly misrepresented facts to obtain financial gain. In some countries, claiming financial dependency for tax benefits can even constitute tax fraud. If OP’s mother falsely claimed her as a dependent, she could be facing serious legal consequences.

What Can OP Do?

1. Set Clear Boundaries with Family

OP may need to establish firm boundaries with both her mother and the extended family. Instead of engaging in arguments, she can simply say: “I understand you have been told a different story, but I have proof of my financial independence. I won’t argue about it, but I also won’t tolerate false claims about me.”

2. Consider Legal Action for Fraud

If OP’s mother claimed her as a dependent on tax documents or used her name for fraudulent loans, she may have legal grounds to take action. OP could:

• Check tax records to see if she was falsely claimed.
• Speak with an attorney about options for protecting her financial identity.
• Ask relatives to verify loan claims with proof before giving more money.

3. Educate Family Members with Receipts

Many Redditors suggested providing clear proof—such as bank statements, work records, and past rent receipts—to expose the truth. However, if family members refuse to accept evidence, OP may need to accept that some people choose to believe lies because it’s easier than admitting they were manipulated.

4. Avoid Financial Entanglements in the Future

Going forward, OP should:

• Keep financial records private to prevent further manipulation.
• Encourage relatives to question financial requests from her mother.
• Cut off any expectations that she will repay loans she had nothing to do with.

Here’s What Reddit Had to Say:

Reddit users overwhelmingly sided with OP, with many sharing similar experiences of manipulative parents fabricating financial support stories. The most common themes? Gaslighting, financial fraud, and family denial.

Wwhat do you think? Should OP try harder to convince her family, or is it best to walk away and let them believe what they want? Let us know in the comments!