My mother (43) wants me (18f) to donate eggs so she can have kids with her fiance.

A Reddit user (18F) shares her dilemma about her mother (43) pressuring her to donate eggs so her mom and fiancé can have children. Despite agreeing to this when she was younger.

The user now feels uncomfortable with the situation and is being threatened with eviction if she refuses. She is trying to find a way to navigate this pressure while planning for independence. Read the original story below.

‘ My mother (43) wants me (18f) to donate eggs so she can have kids with her fiance.’

There’s a lot to this and good God it’s a mess. I go off to college in August. I turned 18 at the end of May. When I was about 14, my mother asked me if I would be willing to help her have a baby one day. I said yes without understanding what it all entailed. She is still holding me to this even though I have since changed my mind.

My mom has been threatening to kick me out over my refusal. She is pressuring me to sign a contract that would bind me to one cycle sometime before I turn 30 and she has even discussed me carrying a baby for her once I’m done with school.

I feel very nervous about this and I’m trying to stall/hold out until I am no longer under her roof. I can’t afford to move out (Eta: until August). I’m not sure if I could eventually get out of this contract if I were to sign it, but I don’t want to risk it.

Her fiance is totally cool with this. I don’t know what to do. I’m trying to make plans to maybe stay with a friend, but I’m hoping to find a way out of this with my personal items. I know my mom will hold things hostage so to speak..

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

andyk_77 −  If you are leaving and your mom holds your property or valuables, or government issued IDs hostage, you can call the police.

brokenspirit667 −  Clearly you need to get away from her and not consent to such an insane situation. Also, what about your 15 year old sister? Make sure you explain this to her so your crazy mother doesn’t go after her next. Best of luck!!

June_Monroe −  No is a complete sentence. She can’t make you do anything you don’t want to do. Surrogate have to have at least one successful pregnancy.. She needs therapy. What the hell is the fiance saying?

Groovy200 −  u/Ebbie45 has a lot of resources for abuse victims like you In her post history pls check her out and ask her for advice

[Reddit User] −  First, the hormones required to harvest eggs will affect you a lot. you have every right to not consent to that. secondly, she has NO rights to your body or your eggs. thirdly, holy s**t! please, as everyone else said, tell your doctor, or tell a professional who can help you. this is 100000% not okay. it is a**sive.

[Reddit User] −  First things first: get yourself some bags and totes (garbage bags or laundry baskets work in a pinch) and arrange with a friend that the next time your mom goes out, you clear out all your belongs except what essentials you need at the time. After, make arrangements to move yourself.

Your mother is insane to ask her 18-year-old daughter who doesn’t even have a child or her own to carry one. And at 43, what is your mother going to do with a child? She’ll be 70 years old before her kid is even in college. Do not consent!

EDIT: Thank-you to all the “geniuses” who have pointed out that 43 + 20 = 63. To everyone else with reading comprehension skills who therefore noted that OP’s mom wants this plan to take place before OP is 30 (as in, not right this exact second) thanks for (a) paying attention and (b) not derailing from the actual issue which is OP’s insane mother.

NachosPrecarioso −  Oh if she’s threatening to cut contact with you over it, this might be a blessing in disguise. You should probably take it. She’s literally insane.

lotsofgreycats −  Wow, definitely try to move and as far as carrying a baby for her, drs want two successful pregnancies prior to surrogacy so it would be awhile unless she found some quack who would do it before that, and that’s so awful she’s being like that to you, the best option I think is to move away and not contact her. I’m so sorry she’s doing this to you

nowaytostop −  I’m my own grandma.

KProbs713 −  A suggestion for making it to 6 weeks: Tell her that to make a decision, you need to be checked by a doctor to make sure you don’t have any issues with your uterus/ovaries/eggs/genes/whatever.

Tell her you wouldn’t want to donate eggs to her without verifying that it’s safe for HER (it’s horrible to say and do but n**cissist are always happy when they feel people are treating them ‘correctly’). You can go as far as telling her a legal contract wouldn’t be fair to HER unless you’ve verified your health first. Suggest she does the same.

Then schedule an appointment as far out as you can and blame it on Covid procedures. You can either cancel it when it’s safe or go for a yearly checkup. Either way, you have a ready-made excuse that will fit her entitled image of how you should be acting.

It’s truly tough when you feel stuck between family obligations and your personal boundaries, especially when there are threats involved. Your emotional and physical well-being should always come first.

It might be helpful to consult a legal advisor or counselor to explore your options. Have any of you faced a similar pressure or found a way to handle difficult family situations? Share your experiences below.