My MIL said she never liked me and now I don’t want to host thanksgiving?

Navigating family dynamics can be as tricky as mastering a delicate recipe, especially when deep-seated issues and long-held insecurities mix in. Recently, one woman’s plan for a simple lunch outing with her partner’s mother turned unexpectedly sour.

For years, she worked hard to impress and please her future in-laws—cooking elaborate meals for family gatherings, hosting lavish holiday feasts, and ensuring every detail was perfect. These efforts, rooted in gratitude for a childhood that lacked familial warmth, once brought tears of joy. But now, as she nears her 18th birthday, a single offhand comment from her partner’s mother has shattered that cherished connection.

In a moment that left her reeling, the mother of her partner bluntly remarked, “You were ok before but too overweight,” followed by a callous, “You know, I never liked you but you’re ok now.” These words stung deeply, dredging up painful memories of past eating struggles.

Now, she finds herself questioning not only her self-worth but also whether to continue hosting family gatherings like Thanksgiving. With her partner dismissing her hurt as an overreaction, she’s left wondering if she’s being unreasonable for wanting to cancel a holiday she once cherished.

‘ My MIL said she never liked me and now I don’t want to host thanksgiving?’

“Family relationships are intricate, often laden with unmet expectations and historical wounds,” notes Dr. Terri Orbuch, a relationship expert featured in Psychology Today. “When an in-law’s comment inadvertently touches on unresolved personal issues, it can trigger a cascade of emotional responses that are hard to control.”

In this situation, the OP’s painful past with eating disorders collides with her desire for familial acceptance, magnifying the sting of a seemingly offhand remark. Dr. Orbuch explains that when family members—especially those in a position of influence like a mother-in-law—offer unsolicited critiques about appearance, it can undermine an individual’s self-esteem and evoke a sense of rejection.

She adds, “The context is key. In a family where efforts to bond have been fraught with conditional affection, even a compliment can feel like a veiled insult.” Dr. Orbuch emphasizes that communication is crucial; it might be beneficial for the OP to share her past struggles with her partner’s mother in a calm and constructive setting. “Without understanding the emotional baggage that comes with comments on appearance, family members may unintentionally cause harm,” she says.

Dr. Orbuch suggests that if the OP’s partner fails to support her emotional needs, it might be necessary to re-evaluate the balance of power and respect within the relationship. Ultimately, preserving one’s mental health is paramount, and setting boundaries—even with family—is a healthy and necessary step.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

The Reddit community has been overwhelmingly supportive of the OP’s feelings. Many users pointed out that her partner’s mother’s remarks were not only insensitive but deeply hurtful, especially given her past struggles with eating disorders. Several commenters argued that it’s unacceptable for a mother-in-law to diminish someone’s worth based on weight, emphasizing that such comments can leave long-lasting scars.

Others noted that her partner should stand up for her and not dismiss her pain as an overreaction. While a few suggested that the OP might try to reconcile and move past the incident for the sake of family unity, the prevailing sentiment is that her feelings are valid and that she deserves respect. The general consensus is clear: if a family member’s behavior leaves you feeling diminished, it’s okay to reconsider your participation in traditional gatherings like Thanksgiving.