My (M30) MIL (F65) Constantly Calls Me by the Incorrect Name. How do I get her to stop?

A Reddit user shared their frustrations about their MIL (F65) persistently calling them by the wrong name, even after years of correction. Despite attempts by their wife and other family members to address the issue, the MIL continues to call them “Randy” instead of their actual name, Andy.

While the user initially brushed it off as a simple mistake, the pattern has grown to feel disrespectful and even deliberate, leading them to question how best to address the situation. To find out more about the user’s dilemma and the reactions of others, read the full story below.

‘ My (M30) MIL (F65) Constantly Calls Me by the Incorrect Name. How do I get her to stop?’

I (M30) have been married to my wife (F35) for a couple years. I have always wanted a good relationship with my in-laws, and things have generally been really good. Aside from a few minor things here and there, things have been great. There is one sticking point though. I have a name that is often misheard, and it’s caused me some minor annoyance my entire life.

For the purpose of this post, my name is Andy. When I first met my future MIL, my then girlfriend said: “this is my boyfriend, Andy.” “Nice to meet you, Randy!” future MIL responds. I’m not super quick to correct her since I’m really non-confrontational and I really want to get on her good side. Over the next few weeks, she continues to call me Randy,

and my then girlfriend and I correct her a few times. Things start to get a little out of hand when I go on a trip with my then girlfriend to visit her family living abroad. My MIL introduces me to everyone as “Randy,” and I have to try and make the rounds and correct my name for the record. Regardless, a few of her family members keep calling me “Randy” among the confusion.

Years later, we’re happily married and starting our life together. We’ve since ensured everyone in her family knows my actual name, and aside from the occasional nickname, everyone is calling me by my actual name. That is, except for my MIL. Every time we have an interaction, she calls me “Randy.” She has even done this in front of my parents and family,

which has caused some eyebrow raising. My wife and her siblings also correct her whenever she calls me the wrong name, but she just ignores them. I’m kinda not sure what to do at this point. It was a little awkward and annoying having my girlfriend’s mom call me the wrong name, but having my MIL purposely call me the wrong name feels insulting.

I’m sure she sees it as a fun inside joke, but I’m really not happy constantly being called the wrong name. I would have a heart to heart with her, but it’s not her communication style to have those kinds of conversations. Even if it was, I’m certain it wouldn’t change anything. Short of assuming a new identity, how do I get her to stop calling me Randy?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

DplusLplusKplusM −  If the audiologist says her hearing is fine it’ll be time for a dementia assessment.

Storytella2016 −  Have you ever directly said to her, “You always call me Randy. You do know my real name is, Andy, right?” What did she say?

VinylHighway −  Call her the wrong name

ashley5748 −  I had an awful boss who always called me by the wrong name and even though I corrected him every time, it didn’t matter. Eventually, when he called me the wrong name a couple times in front of one of our clients who saw me correct him repeatedly, the client said “I don’t think I can do business with someone who is either this rude or this stupid.

Her name is Ashley. WTF is wrong with you?” My boss was so embarrassed and never made the mistake again. You need someone to humiliate her clearly, “lady, do you have dementia? Should we call someone to get you some help?” People like that s**k. Ugh.

Long_Huckleberry1751 −  You should turn up in a tshirt with ANDY on the front and the back, and an Andy baseball cap. Bonus points if you can get your wife to wear a tshirt that says “I’m with Andy” or “Andy’s wife” on it. If that’s too much effort just get someone to write it on your forehead with felt tip. 

HatsAndTopcoats −  Why hasn’t your wife said, “Mom, please stop calling him Randy”?

cressidacole −  Just don’t ever respond to her when she calls you the wrong name. Simples.

S_Kilsek −  You have to use negative reinforcement for this to change. Use a rolled up newspaper, and every time she calls you “Randy” whack her on the nose and say Bad Girl. Andy is my name. After about two or three times, she gets it right, then you can give her a bacon strip for being a good girl.

sonotyourguy −  Just correct her in front of people next time she does it, but say, “actually, it’s Andy, but you’ll have to excuse my MIL, she’s starting to have a little dementia and we are afraid her mind is going…”

Healthy_Journey650 −  Pause, look at her with deep compassion and ask “Did someone named Andy hurt you or do you have a negative association with my name? I don’t understand why you would continue to call me the wrong name after all these years? Are you having trouble remembering other people’s names? I’m concerned about you?

Have you spoken to your doctor about getting names mixed up? This could be something serious.” It’s important to lay it on thick with the concern about HER because that’s what it’s about. It’s about her making it about her so double down on making it about her in a condescending way.