My husband (M55) asked me (F38) for a divorce…and changed his mind, but I’m in l**bo?

A Reddit user shares their struggle with their marriage after their husband (55M) asked for a divorce following a heated argument with the user’s brother. The disagreement stemmed from the husband’s dependency on the user for tasks, which led to tension between them. Despite agreeing to try and work things out with counseling, the user is unsure of where their relationship stands,

feeling emotionally distant and questioning the possibility of repair. They’re concerned about the lack of intimacy and the feeling of being unappreciated, but are wondering if they can still salvage the marriage. To learn more about the situation and how others have responded, read the full story below.

‘ My husband (M55) asked me (F38) for a divorce…and changed his mind, but I’m in l**bo?’

My husband (55M) recently asked me (38F) for a divorce after a heated argument with my brother. To give some context, my brother and my husband have a close relationship—they talk every day, but this argument started when my brother pointed out that my husband is overly dependent on me.

The disagreement began when one of our vehicles stalled, and I told my husband about it. He said he’d take it for a drive to check if it was a fluke or if I had caused the problem. However, a week later, he hadn’t done it yet, and when my brother asked about it, my husband said he was waiting for me to go with him.

My brother questioned why he needed me, given that my husband is perfectly capable of doing it alone, and started bringing up other instances where my husband wouldn’t do things without me. I overheard the entire conversation and tried to intervene, but my brother made it clear that this was his opinion, and he felt that my husband should be open to hearing it.

After that, my husband asked for a divorce, saying I should have stood up for him. I was shocked at first but agreed to give him the space he asked for. The next day, my husband was already calling family members to find somewhere to stay, and things started feeling very real.

I told him I’d go along with the divorce and slept on the couch that night. The next day, he was back at home, and we had a family meeting with the kids. They were upset and asked if we could work things out, and for their sake, I agreed, but only if we started counseling.

While I agreed to try, I continued sleeping on the couch because I couldn’t shake the feeling that my husband had wanted a divorce for a while, especially considering our lack of intimacy (only three times in 2024) and his tendency to pick apart everything I say.

We started counseling, and I thought we were making progress, especially after my parents came to visit for Christmas, which helped bring us closer. I even returned to our bedroom, thinking things were getting better. But after my parents left, I went back to bed, and my husband expressed that he had a problem with me sleeping in our room again.

He said I should have asked for permission, and the only reason he let me sleep there was because of family being in town, not wanting them to know our business. He said he needed to think about us sleeping together again. Now I’m feeling confused and stuck. I thought we were making progress, but his behavior is leaving me questioning everything.

I’m starting to feel like he keeps me around for everything I do—running the household, managing the kids, handling everything—while I don’t feel loved or appreciated. I’ve lost so much trust, and the romantic connection we once had feels gone. I don’t feel secure in this relationship anymore,

and I’m worried that we can never truly get past all of this. I’m also conscious of the fact that time is passing, and I’m starting to wonder if I’ll ever be truly happy in this marriage. Can we come back from this? Has anyone else experienced something like this in their marriage, and if so, how did you navigate it?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Wait-What1327 −  Just get the divorce. Your husband is a selfish AH. You do everything for everyone, and this is how he treats you. You deserve better. You can’t sacrifice yourself for everyone else. He’s going to have a rude awakening when he realizes what he’s lost. Find someone who appreciates you. Life is too short.

ManyEntertainment215 −  Your age gap, the age of you and your husband when you had your eldest child and that you do everything at home and work . Uhm why are you practically begging to still be married to this man? Nothing about your situation seems appealing

OneCharacter4641 −  Unfortunately darling he’s weaponising your emotions and needs from this snap shot alone you don’t appear to be loved your being used. How long have you been together?

Angel-4077 −  1 Your marriage SUCKS why are you even trying to hold on to it? 2 Are you sure you are not just a beard? Your husband argues with your brother and wants to divorce you?????
Seems like he and your brother are the real couple and your husband was actually threatening to leave him by divorcing you Does your brother even have a partner or is he just your husband real ‘ wife’?

Glass-Intention-3979 −  I’m sorry what? Your brother called out your husbands crappy behaviour. Rather, than self reflection he asked for a divorce. He then uses the children to force you to stay in the marriage and *make it work*. He who wants the divorce has kicked you to the couch. Honey, this man doesn’t like you. He likes what you do for him. Pull up those big pants and kick him out. He doesn’t want you

No_Noise_5733 −  He wanted a divorce and changed his mind and now its your turn. You do not need permission from anyone to sleep where you choose in your home, you are not his employee. Get a lawyer and serve the papers

RevolutionaryHelp218 −  Why do you want to be with him? He doesn’t love or respect you. You do everything. When does he actually do to help around the house or in the relationship. He sounds exhausting, judgemental, and unsupportive. I would go through with the divorce. It’s not your problem he had nowhere to go.

I’m physically disabled and I work. He has no excuse. It’s time to find a man who wants to be with you and loves you. You might as well be single. You aren’t even sleeping together and you do everything.

cassowary32 −  You got together when you were about 20 and he was almost 40. You ended up with 4 children instead of 3, with one that never grew up. I’d get the divorce, you’d probably find taking care of a 5 year old easier than taking care of your husband. Plus with 50/50 custody, you might actually get some time to yourself.

Or if you stay, he needs to actually be a partner not another child to take care of. I wouldn’t hold my breath though, he probably changed his mind about the divorce because he realized he’d actually have to do stuff for himself if you left. Read This American Ex-wife by Lyz Lenz.

ETA you are probably about the age your husband was when you met. Could you imagine going after a 20 year old at this age?

Subspaceisgoodspace −  I suggest you go and visit your family for a week, leaving his children with him. He will then fully understand how much you do for everyone

Ok-Willow-9145 −  Go talk to a lawyer. After you free yourself of this man you’ll never understand how you stayed so long. This man isn’t being a husband to you, he’s your oppressor. Your children think your situation is normal. It is not. You need to show them another way to live and be in relationships.