My husband gave me a “warning tap” and I called it abuse. AITAH?
A Redditor shared her frustration with a recurring issue involving her sister-in-law (SIL) bringing unrequested food to family dinners, despite being explicitly told not to. Each season, she hosts a big family gathering, making it a point to cater to guests with allergies so they can enjoy everything safely.
However, her SIL repeatedly ignored her request, showing up with a dish each time. The host eventually decided to throw away her SIL’s cornbread when it was brought in after several polite requests to bring wine instead. This sparked a confrontation between the two, leaving her questioning if she overreacted. Read the original story below to see how this dinner party debacle played out.
‘ My husband gave me a “warning tap” and I called it abuse. AITAH?’
These are the responses from Reddit users:
Was the host justified in discarding the food her SIL repeatedly brought against her wishes, or should she have found a way to handle it differently? Share your thoughts on setting boundaries in family gatherings and how you’d address this kind of situation in the comments below!
Abuse and gas lighting. Leave now
You need to get out now while you can. I know from my own experience that this is just the beginning. Every time he lays a finger on you it gets worse. The excuses get more pathetic and trust me whatever he says now it will always be your fault. He will say you made him do and he will always apologise but will ALWAYS do it again. Each time he does it will be worse than the last time so please please please do not go back too him. He has already ruined your life with his behaviour so it’s his own fault if he ruined his career. Don’t let anybody talk you into staying with this wife beater. You deserve better
Run…not walk away! Do not return. He sounds controlling and it shows after u left him to stay with your mom. He truly will do more harm to you . Please do not go back to him. There men out there who will not abuse you and not flip out over a lost phone.
NTA call it what it is and don’t back down. If he’s so concerned about his career, I guess he shouldn’t abuse his wife.
Should have locked yourself in the bathroom and called the cops. That would have earned him a night in jail, and you could have moved your stuff out while he’s there.
What was on that phone that was so important? or he did not want you to see
abuse is not always physical, but mental as well. When you are being screamed at, pushed then hit in the mouth…RUN!!!!! This is only a beginning and will only lead to worse , more agressive and ore often. That is not love, that is control
Leave him but do it carefully. After he knows you’re planning to leave can be the worst most dangerous time. Call your local domestic violence program – not because you need shelter necessarily but because you need informed advice. Everything I’m reading here sounds right on for me and I’m a 30 year domestic violence, professional. You are in some ways lucky that this happened early on and that it was so clear. Look at the national domestic violence, hotline website or call 800 799HELP you can call them anonymously, but get yourself informed. You need a safety plan. Save your documents. Plan your next step. Do not tell him you are leaving. Try to be as calm and conciliatory as you can be until you are ready to throw the keys in the mailbox and walk out forever. Good luck, please keep yourself safe.
Based on it ruining his career he is a first responder, military or lawyer – huge issue as they do know what he did was ILLEGAL and ABUSE! If he did nothing that could be seen as wrong under inspection by someone else he would not be so worried about it. Divorce him, report him and if needed get a restraining order.
I read this and the comments and think to myself, “you go girl!” I cannot help that it brings me back to an incident in my own life almost 25 years ago. I wasn’t the victim of physical abuse…this time (my previous husband had physically and mentally abused me beginning the day after we married. It took me almost 10 years to gather the courage to toss his a** to the curb!) but he had been mentally abusing me for a year or so. On this occasion, though, the victim of physical abuse was our 3 year old daughter. I spent the next day trying to get help, only to be faced with school teachers putting their noses where it didn’t belong (I got investigated because HE hit our daughter), my doctor telling me I should forgive and forget because he “only” did it “one time” and that didn’t mean he would do it again (I knew him a lot better than the doctor did, and I knew if I knuckled under, he would see that as a sign of weakness and use it to squash me like a bug!) The doctor also sent me to a psychologist to “find out why I wouldn’t forgive him, since he was nothing like my first ex.” I went to that appointment to as the psychologist to help me get a divorce and when she said no, I walked! She told me a court would grant me an immediate divorce if he physically abused me, but I had to suffer and couldnt get one fast since he physically abused our daughter.
Give you a quick picture of how that man thought…. we got together after a while to discuss our divorce and he told me if I took him back he would buy me jewelry, books and anything else I wanted. This is the same man who didn’t believe in birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas or any other occasion where gifts are generally given. He didn’t mind receiving them, but never gave them. He also tried to take my insurance refund after I paid to get the mold made for my carpel tunnel, because he paid for the insurance, never mind that I paid for the cast. His excuse? He wanted the money to buy Christmas presents. I conceded and let him keep part of it and the only gift he bought was a 24 pack of beer… for himself!
As you can guess, I didn’t take him back, quit seeing that doctor and yes… divorced his worthless a**!
Destroy that man! Screw him and his career… my ex husband hit me, and I was gone within the hour.
File the police report and divorce him.
DO NOT GO BACK!
It became abuse when he screamed at you. The shoving and the backhand were just an escalation of abuse. Get out, get a good lawyer and file immediately for divorce on grounds of abuse. File a police report if you haven’t already. And NEVER meet him alone anywhere. Always take your brother, your parents or, if the situation warrants it, your lawyer. Other than that have no contact with him. Abuse always escalates.
My brother came home from the Air Force an abusive borderline alcoholic and the one time he hit me, I didn’t have to call the cops on him; my father did. He tried to talk his way out of it, but he gave me a very visible black eye and the police wouldn’t listen to his excuses. (Turns out one of them had been hit repeatedly by his wife but didn’t report it for over a year because he didn’t think anyone would believe him. After hauling in my brother, he went straight to his superior and told him the whole story–including that his wife always went after him with a metal baseball bat.) It was sitting in jail for a week with his name on the police blotter page in the local paper for hitting a family member that made him change his ways.
Leave now! Believe me I was in an abusive marriage, it doesn’t stop at one time it only gets worse. PLEASE protect yourself, prayers for your safety.
NTA. What is his career that could be ruined? I’m thinking public service of some sort. Not the kind of dysregulated personality you want in any position of power over the vulnerable.
He’s showing you who he is , believe him the first time. Immediate grounds for divorce. So many red flags!!! Warning tap ??!!! Jesus Christ. What he means is next time you gonna get it worse. Get out immediately
Also wondering what was on his phone that he was flipping out about? Could give a clue to his behavior.