My husband eats so. much. food. (over 10k calories a day) and has gotten SO obese and I just don’t f**king know what to do anymore.

A Reddit user is deeply concerned about her husband’s rapidly deteriorating health due to his extreme overeating and refusal to make lifestyle changes. Despite suffering from multiple health issues, including a mini stroke, heart problems, diabetes, and obesity-related complications, he continues to neglect his health, consuming fast food and junk food daily.

The user has tried everything she can think of, from preparing healthier meals to scheduling doctor’s appointments, but nothing seems to get through to him. She feels helpless and terrified that if things don’t change soon, she may lose him. To learn more about her struggle and how others are reacting, read the full story below…

‘ My husband eats so. much. food. (over 10k calories a day) and has gotten SO obese and I just don’t f**king know what to do anymore.’

My husband and I were married when we were both 25, and now, at 33, he’s gone from weighing around 180 pounds to over 450 pounds. Over the years, his eating habits have spiraled out of control, and he’s now consuming over 10,000 calories a day. His diet mainly consists of fast food like McDonald’s, Burger King, KFC, and pizza, along with junk food like chips, candy, ice cream, and microwave meals.

I’ve watched him go through drive-thrus, order takeout multiple times a day, and even use food delivery services late at night. Despite eating healthier meals that I prepare, he still continues to indulge in unhealthy food and orders fast food on top of it. The medical consequences have been devastating. He’s had a mini stroke caused by a blood clot, heart palpitations, and extremely high blood pressure.

He also has diabetes, which he neglects to manage properly unless I remind him. On top of that, he has joint pain, lymphedema in one leg, sleep apnea, and takes five different medications, which I have to manage for him since he can’t keep track of them. He sometimes struggles to walk and uses a scooter when he has to.

I’m terrified every day, thinking that if he doesn’t change his ways, he may not even be here when we reach our 50s. I’ve begged him to eat healthier, to take better care of himself, and to see a doctor regularly for checkups, but nothing seems to get through. He refuses to go to the doctor unless there’s a major emergency, and even then, most of his other health issues were discovered when he went to the ER for something serious.

I’ve tried making appointments for him, both with doctors and therapists, but he’s never followed through. He tells me he just likes food and that eating makes him happy, but I feel like there’s more to it. Maybe depression is a factor, but he won’t talk to me or anyone else about it.

I’m reaching a breaking point. It feels like I’m slowly losing him, even though our relationship is strong. He’s still the person I love most in the world, but every day I see him deteriorating, and I fear that if he doesn’t change, I’ll lose him far too soon. I can’t stand the thought of watching him slowly destroy himself. I feel like I’m carrying the weight of his health and our future together, and it’s breaking my heart.

I’ve tried everything I can think of—encouraging healthier eating, offering support, making appointments for him—but nothing seems to make a difference. I’m terrified that he doesn’t realize just how serious this is. Every day he doesn’t make a change, he’s one step closer to the health problems getting worse, and ultimately, I fear he won’t be here to grow old with me.

I just don’t know what else to do. I’m desperate to save him, to help him take care of himself before it’s too late. I need him to understand the consequences of his actions, but I don’t know how to make him see the gravity of the situation. It’s like I’m begging him to care about his own life, but I’m not getting through. I can’t just give up, but I feel completely helpless. If anyone has any suggestions, please, I’ll try anything at this point.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

bad_armenian_juju −  I gotta ask – **how expensive is this?** That amount of take out and delivery… it has to be at least $1k a month if not more right? Do you have retirement savings?
I know this is framed as a health issue but I bet this is also a financial issue too

jillbowaggins −  Have you told him everything you’ve told us here? Your concerns, your stress, your fear and constant worry and that you “can’t do it anymore”? Like any addict, he’s not going to stop until he wants to stop (and gets professional help to do so) so all you can do is explain exactly and explicitly just how much this is affecting you and hope that he loves you enough to do something about it for *both* of you.

loveroftheclassics −  This is coming from someone who is overweight but is conscious of it and is actively trying to lose weight. 10k calories a day is enough for a normal-sized man to GAIN almost 3 pounds every single day. That is INSANITY. And to gain almost 300 pounds in 8 years is…wow. At least I have the excuse of being fat my whole life.

Your husband has a serious addiction, plain and simple. He’d have to be crazy to not realize that this is basically slow suicide. But I can tell you really love him or this wouldn’t be affecting you so strongly. The thing is though, is that if your husband refuses to change, then you don’t deserve to watch him kill himself. That is just cruel. So my suggestion is a tough one.

Stage an intervention with his family and friends and a psychiatrist and (I don’t say this lightly) give him an ultimatum. Either he agrees to lose weight—I suggest starting with a weight loss retreat for adults (fat camp: it’s not just for kids) to help the addictions to fast food and sugar—or you leave.

You need to look out for yourself if he won’t stop killing himself. You deserve to be happy, not watch someone you love do that to himself and die without being able to grow old together. Edit: Wow, my first award! Thanks everybody!

Rad1Red −  He’s an addict. He can’t stop on his own.

PeterMus −  He need counseling. Hes using food as a mechanism to cope. He needs to identify his underlying issues and resolve them.

CheyBridgeMan −  I’m assuming you’ve told him what you said here and how scared you are of losing him. But this is an addiction and there are probably some other underlying mental health or physical issues that contribute. He really needs a doctor. I’m in my 40’s. If I were in your shoes, I would work with a therapist myself and figure out a path forward—which may be a divorce.

He doesn’t have cancer. He didn’t have a tragic accident. This is treatable but only if he really wants to and addicts usually have to lose the things they love and hit bottom before they choose help. You can’t “love him out of this”.. I feel for you. ((Hugs))

jtothehello −  Since he won’t do therapy on his own, have you considered doing couples therapy/marriage counseling? It is affecting your marriage and he probably doesn’t realize it. He needs to see it’s more than about his health – what he does affects you and your relationship. Maybe starting with couple therapy will help him ease into doing individual therapy.

stee_stee_ −  He’s not going to change unless HE wants to. But unfortunately it sounds like he’s signed his own death warrant.

[Reddit User] −  You’re not required to be nursemaid to his addiction. He’s killing himself with food. He clearly doesn’t care about his health. That’s not your responsibility. If he was a drunk or a crackhead would you feel compelled to stay?

SassiestLass −  Ever watch My 600 Pound Life? A lot of people on there are a lot like your husband. It’s possible he has an eating addiction, uses it to cope with life and make him feel happy. It’s like a d**g, it’s difficult to stop. He has to *want* to stop and get better. You’ve asked him why he eats a lot, and he only gives a vague answer. ‘I don’t know, I just like it.’

It’s entirely possible that he’s doing it because he’s depressed and has gotten into self destructive behaviors, doing it to possibly cope with past issues/trauma. Maybe try to get him to see a therapist, someone who can help him deal with his problems and learn better coping techniques. He needs serious professional help, or else he’s going to get worse.

Only he can decide if he wants to get better though. Perhaps be super blunt and show him episodes of My 600 Pound Life and tell him ‘This is how you’re going to end up.’ (Yes, that’s super damn mean and I’m mostly joking, but I think the show is pretty motivating. I watch it a lot, so it definitely motivated me to go on my own weight loss journey.)

I’m sorry that you have been dealing with this, you’re an absolutely strong and wonderful woman for being there for your husband for so long. You’ve been working and trying so hard for him, you’re absolutely amazing! Your man needs a wake up call, before he ends up possibly having another health issue that he can’t recover from. I hope you manage to figure things out. Do a lot of research and try your best.

Do you think the wife is doing everything she can, or is there something more she can do to help her husband realize the seriousness of his health issues? What would you do in a situation where a loved one’s self-destructive behavior is causing immense emotional distress? Share your thoughts below and join the discussion!