My husband/coworker is the only employee getting a merit raise this year

A Reddit user shares her frustrations about her husband receiving a merit raise when the company has suspended all merit increases for everyone else. The decision seems to go against the company’s stated goal of eliminating favoritism, and the user feels conflicted about how to handle the situation.

‘ My husband/coworker is the only employee getting a merit raise this year’

My husband (34M) and I (25F) have been together for 3 years and we work at the same small healthcare company (nonprofit) in different departments. We work very well together! Our company has had some administration changes in the last year, namely a new Big Boss and new Supervisor.

Under the last administration, we had annual performance evaluations around this time of year with a subsequent merit raise. Now, Big Boss and Supervisor have discontinued merit increases until they have created a metric to base it on, as they said,

“There didn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason to the previous administration’s raises, it seemed to be based on favoritism.” They wanted to bring more fairness to the process. This year all employees get a 3% COLA increase across the board and the merit issue would be revisited next year. Sounds good.

Today, my husband told me that he had a conversation with Supervisor who told him she is working on getting him a merit raise due to his hard work lately. She also stated that he is her favorite. For context, I really like Supervisor, I have always thought she was straightforward, fair, and supportive.

But what the hell?! As his wife, I’m proud of him and agree that he deserves a raise, not to mention I would like some extra cash flow into our household. But as his coworker, what the hell?! The whole point of pausing merit increases was to change the workplace culture from favoritism to fairness.

It feels s**tty, not only from a fairness perspective but also personally I feel like I’ve worked hard this year too. Obviously, neither of us planned to tell any other coworkers to avoid any drama or tension,

but he had to tell me because, well, I’m his wife. Any advice on how to look at this differently or what to do? Maybe there is nothing to do but accept it? It feels s**tty.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

catjuggler −  Sounds like you don’t actually know that he’s getting a merit raise yet

Insanious −  I wonder what kind of work your husband is doing. Often people conflate difficulty of work, or quantity of work with impact of work. People are often rewarded for going above and beyond in ways that positively impact the bottom line of the business, or vastly improve the core business.

I often see people who work very very hard on thier jobs, being the best at their jobs that they can be. Although their jobs are in support and that effort is being put in a place that is only so valuable for the business.

If someone spends 1/10th of the time building a BI report that uncovers some potential for gaining market share vs someone else who busted their ass putting in extra unpaid hours to make process documents. Employee #1 is getting a bonus every time and employee #2 is feeling taken advantage of.

Not all work is created equal, not all labour is as valuable as other labour. Whether this is fair or not is a whole other story. (This has at least been my experience as a people manager).

TheLiveDebate −  You said he deserves a raise. Be happy he is getting one. Be pissed you are not. This distinction is important.

Logan_No_Fingers −  As a manager I’ve done this. Typically where I think there is a chance of a pivotal employee being under motivated or worse, looking elsewhere.

It happens where sure, lots of people work hard, but we (as a company) would be screwed if that person in particular left. Your husband might fall into that category. So even tho’ it is on the face of it favouritism, its actually just a smart commercial call.

WilliamNearToronto −  His supervisor is trying to keep the favouritism based system alive. If the new boss is competent, they’ll shut that down the moment she brings it up. Change is hard. Most people don’t want to. Don’t confuse the supervisor’s stubborn desire to stick with the old way with cash in your pocket.

Stinky_Eastwood −  Sounds like she wants to try to keep a hard working employee happy. That’s not favoritism, it’s basic retention. He works harder, he deserves more. You keep calling that unfair, but it sounds plenty fair to me.

Funny-Message-6414 −  Just because she said it doesn’t mean it will happen. Merit raises usually aren’t discontinued because of method; it’s because of money. They don’t have it.

Or they do and are trying to bump up executive bonuses or put it elsewhere into the business. If anything, he might get a one-time retention bonus. Or he might get a raise, but that would be a hard sell for his boss, I think.

tossaway78701 −  Is she putting the merit-carrot on a stick? Is there something she was wanting him to do?  Smells like she just wanted to feel good. She must know it’s all on pause. 

Beep_boop_human −  I once worked at the same place as my live in partner and often we were treated as a unit. I have nothing to base this on from your post, just sharing an alternate theory based on own experience. Is it possible that your boss thinks giving you both a raise would be ‘unfair’ to other employees since you will both benefit?

Obviously since nothing has been directly to imply that you would be silly to bring it up, but it might be worth reflecting on how you are both treated in the workplace to consider if that’s a possibility.

ishtar_the_move −  Do you… prefer him not getting a raise?

This situation raises important questions about fairness, transparency, and how personal relationships intersect with professional ones. Have you ever experienced something similar in the workplace? How would you handle the feeling of favoritism affecting your relationship? Share your thoughts below!