My husband (40m) is mad at me (f38) because I wanted to use the living room after family left for Christmas. Ifeel like this is ridiculous?
A 38-year-old woman with stage 4 cancer is facing tension with her husband (40m) after a disagreement about the living room space following a Christmas gathering. The woman, who has been struggling with her diagnosis and her relationship with her 17-year-old stepdaughter, wanted to use the living room to relax and watch a movie after family left.
Her stepdaughter, who has been distant and unkind since getting her driver’s license, also wanted the space, and the situation escalated into a fight with her husband. Despite paying half the rent, the woman feels that her needs are being dismissed in favor of her stepdaughter’s, leading to feelings of hurt and frustration.
‘ My husband (40m) is mad at me (f38) because I wanted to use the living room after family left for Christmas. Ifeel like this is ridiculous? ‘
So background here. I have stage 4 cancer. Diagnosed about a year and a half ago. My step daughter, 17 got her license a few months before I was diagnosed. As soon as she got her license and didn’t need me to drive her anywhere she has decided I’m the worst person ever, because I asked her to clean up after herself when she was growing up.
Part of this is she completely ignored me and acts like I’m not a person that lives in this house. It’s really great for my feelings when I’m literally afraid I’m dying of cancer daily. Keep in mind I practically raised her as a single gle mom and did EVERYTHING for this girl when she was growing up.
Took her to every single girl soccer practice and now I’m not wanted at her games kind of stuff. It’s ridiculous and not fair. So after everyone left our house after Christmas brunch I wanted to chill in the living room and watch a movie.
I didn’t want to go nap in the room with my husband because he naps for 20 minutes and then lays there on his phone tossing and turning and making all kinds of noise while I’m still trying to nap. Well apparently my step daughter wanted to use the living room as well. So now he is mad that I chose to take my space and use the living room that I pay half the rent for.
And I wouldn’t give it up for a 17 year old that walks around here treating me like absolute crap. We are now in a blow out fight. I’m being told I’m being petty. That I’m twisting things, that I’m playing a victim. I literally just wanted to use the living room and im not sure why my step daughters wants are more important than mine.
Check out how the community responded:
WickedShadow99 − Currently have a family member with stage 4 cancer, his kids are unusually upset with him, I talked to one of them, turns out they’re just really mad at them for dying they just don’t realize it.
GIFelf420 − They’re not and with stage 4 cancer you need a room dedicated to just your rest when you need it. Learn to speak up and fast because your body requires proper rest to fight and heal.
Miserable_Yam4778 − Men leave when the woman in their life is sick, statistically speaking. They will manufacture problems and arguments to justify their choices. Prepare for the worst.
itssomeone4sure − Sorry you are dealing with cancer, and all of this. I hope the prognosis is better for you than stage 4 sounds. You didn’t ask for advice so I won’t bug you with questions! Maybe you wanted to vent a bit,, which is totally understandable. I do agree with you that it is a ridiculous situation.
If you want to use the living room of your place you should certainly be able to do that and you should get priority over your step daughter since you’re the parent and pay the rent. I’m sorry your husband didn’t seem to support you.
AuntyVenom − Keep in mind I practically raised her as a single gle mom. Wait, what? She’s your stepkid, you practically raised her as a single mom and now you expect your bad husband to be in your court because you have cancer? Sorry, OP.
hhhhhhd5 − First of all, I’m sorry you’re dealing with cancer. That’s not fun and I hope things go well for you. That’s not being said, there is a lot of missing information here— what did she want to use the living room for? Did you just want to use it to nap and wouldn’t let her be in there? What was said by both of you that caused a blow up?
I’ll be honest here OP, a lot of what you wrote are the same phrases narcissistic parents use when they’re in arguments with their children. The whole “I guess I’m the worst” trope gives us 0 context as to what your step daughter is actually upset with you about and just sounds like you being sarcastic about her feelings.
You did everything for her like drive her to soccer practice? That’s kind of what you’re supposed to do as a parent. She doesn’t pay rent? She’s a minor, she’s 17. I understand with your diagnosis and the feeling the lack of support from your family things are frustrating right now,
but I would guess by what you’ve written here that you are not blameless in these arguments with your stepdaughter. Talk to her. Talk to your husband. Prioritize your health, but listen to their feelings too.. Best of luck OP.
PupleAmaryllis − Are you sure you want to spend what may be left of your life with someone like that?!?
kathryn_sedai − Just gonna say, and I haven’t seen it bluntly put in comments yet, but it should be your husband going to the living room and letting you rest in the bedroom. I don’t think your stepdaughter is in the wrong for expecting that a common living space is available to her, unless she was doing something egregious.
It’s Christmas. I have empathy for what OP is going through. However, is the stepdaughter supposed to be confined to her room after Christmas festivities? It’s more appropriate for the husband to let his wife have quiet space in their actually private room. That to me seems like something that could be addressed.
Hot-Confidence-5256 − Your issue is with your husband, not your step daughter. She’s a teenager, sounds like her behaviour is stock standard for someone her age, let alone one dealing with her mother figure in cancer treatments and trying to move her to her grandparents.
He really should have bickered with his daughter to use the living room to nap and you should have gotten the bedroom. Also – she has every right to exist in that house. She doesn’t need to pay rent, invite you to games etc to earn space. You married a man with a child, it just comes with it.
Unicorn_Moxie − For what it’s worth…. children owe you nothing. She was born to young parents, plus the blended family dynamic [no matter if it’s a near perfect situation, there’s sure to be bumps and resentment somewhere], and due to your husband working so much I imagine there were a lot of growing pains together.
You did your best with what you had to work with. But the long and short of it… she doesn’t owe you an invite to games, she doesn’t owe you a stable relationship when you’ve come under something difficult, especially at her age and maturity. Everything you’re talking about is stuff you need to work out with your husband…
where can you use as a space for solace, recovery, quiet, undisputed napping, whatever. You two need to be a united front and be in agreement on standards set for your stepdaughter. And first and foremost, it sounds like you don’t feel respected by him. Start there… and honestly, I’m sorry about your diagnosis, but that isn’t a card to play when trying to get what you want. Just talk it out and find a compromise with him.
Do you think the woman is in the wrong for wanting to use the living room, or is her husband and stepdaughter’s reaction more about dismissing her needs and feelings? How would you approach resolving this situation where emotional needs, boundaries, and family tensions collide? Share your thoughts below and join the discussion!