My husband (33M) is shocked that people find me (31F) attractive

A woman shared a surprising and emotionally charged situation with her husband, who recently discovered that many people find her very attractive. Despite her efforts to maintain her appearance and confidence, his reaction—marked by skepticism and confusion—has left her feeling undervalued and insecure.

His perception of beauty, influenced by unrealistic anime standards, seems to clash with the admiration others express toward her, sparking unexpected tension in their relationship. Read the full story below for more details.

‘ My husband (33M) is shocked that people find me (31F) attractive’

My husband (33M) recently discovered something that has thrown him for a loop: a significant number of people, both men and women, find me (31F) very attractive. This revelation has sparked some unexpected confusion—and honestly, a bit of tension—between us.

Let me start by saying I’ve always put a lot of effort into my appearance. Naturally, I’d consider myself pretty average-looking, but I’ve learned how to accentuate my features with makeup, skincare, fitness, and fashion. I enjoy the process of taking care of myself, and it’s something that gives me confidence and makes me feel good.

Over time, I’ve noticed that people often compliment me or express admiration for how I look, and it’s something I’ve come to accept and even appreciate. My husband, however, seems to be having a hard time wrapping his head around this.

Recently, he came across some comments (either from acquaintances, social media, or maybe overheard in conversation—I’m not entirely sure) about my appearance. He was genuinely confused by them.

Here’s some context: he’s a big fan of anime, and his perception of beauty seems to be influenced by the exaggerated standards often seen in that medium—big, sparkling eyes, impossibly long legs, and proportions that don’t exist in real life. I don’t fit that mold, obviously, but I’m confident in my own way. When he approached me about it, he seemed almost skeptical, asking, “Did you know that people think you’re beautiful?”

I was taken aback by the question but responded honestly: “Yes, I’m aware that many people find me attractive. Beauty isn’t something that just disappears after you turn 25.” I said it calmly, but I couldn’t help feeling a little offended that he seemed so surprised.

Since then, he’s been acting strangely—almost incredulous, as if he can’t reconcile what he’s learned with his perception of me. It’s not like I’ve changed overnight; I’ve been the same person he’s known for years, and I’ve always made an effort to look my best. So why is he suddenly so shocked?

His reaction has left me with a mix of emotions. On the one hand, I’m offended. It’s hurtful to think that my husband might not have fully appreciated my appearance until other people pointed it out. On the other hand, I’m frustrated that his idea of beauty seems so influenced by unrealistic standards. I’m not a cartoon character, nor do I want to be.

Now I’m stuck wondering how to address this with him. I don’t want to blow it out of proportion, but his reaction has made me feel undervalued and a little insecure. How do I talk to him about how his question made me feel without coming across as overly sensitive?

And how do I navigate this odd dynamic where it feels like he’s questioning my attractiveness in a way that’s baffling to me? I love my husband, and I know he loves me, but this has shaken me in a way I didn’t expect. How do I move past this?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

jasperjonns −  Did he meet you when you were 12? Why is he so shocked other ppl find you attractive when he found you attractive himself? What a weirdo. Gives me negging vibes

marmaro_o −  I read your post history. So basically this AH cheated on, crafted an AI character based on his side piece, and is now negging you. You deserve better.

k_ajay_mh −  Wow this has to be bait.

SilifkeninYogurdu −  He’s been watching a LOT of anime So do I! I’m a big anime fan. I read manga and stuff too. It’s not an excuse to be this way though, people should know what reality is and what is not. Anime girls all look like kids to me, nothing is attractive there, besides it’s literally a cartoon, a drawing from some dude’s imagination.

Your husband is older than me, he should face the world around him, I’m sorry to be blunt. I’m not married so pardon me for asking this but, isn’t being married about love and attraction to someone? A kind of promise to always love and cherish each other and all?

If he’s not attracted to you, how does the marriage work? If he is attracted to you as he should be, how come he’s surprised other people find you attractive? I don’t get it. Time to get a reality check to your husband maybe? Maybe you shouldn’t be so nice about it and make it clear this is a problem? I don’t know 

benicebuddy −  Is he on the spectrum or just monumentally stupid?

Lovelylittlelunchbox −  That’s a lot of words to say he doesn’t find you attractive and assumed people stopped being attracted to women that don’t look like anime characters. Stop excusing his behavior and be direct with him. Does he find you attractive?

Why is he surprised? Did he think that he bagged a woman who should feel “happy or lucky” to be even married, given that you’re 31 and “past your prime of 25” 🙃

[Reddit User] −  He does realize that anime characters aren’t real, right? That is, quite literally, an impossible standard.

wrekked_train −  If your husband thinks you’re beautiful why should he be shocked? I’m offended for you. I genuinely don’t know what I would do in this situation but kinda sounds like you need to go get one of them people who actually thinks you’re beautiful.

Elowan66 −  Finding a 12 year old boys face on an adult woman’s body attractive is a little unsettling.

[Reddit User] −  I would be (a) hurt (b) furious (c) on the phone to a divorce lawyer. I would not be able to continue being married to him after this conversation.