My half sister hates me cause I am the product of her dad cheating and I told my dad I hate her too

A Reddit user shared their struggle with their half-sister, who harbors deep resentment because the user was born as a result of their father’s affair. Despite their father and half-sister reconciling years ago, the sister continues to treat the user poorly, leading to years of tension and verbal altercations.

Recently, the user expressed their own frustrations to their father, admitting they “hate” their sister after enduring years of hostility. The situation has left the user questioning how to navigate their family dynamics and if reconciliation with their sister is even possible. To learn more about the story and how others have responded, read the full details below…

‘ My half sister hates me cause I am the product of her dad cheating and I told my dad I hate her too’

So I was the baby born from an affair, my bio dad left his wife and married my mom when she was pregnant with me. My dad had a daughter at that point who was 3, and she split time every other month and spring break at our place. My (half) sister HATED the divorce and she lashed out at her dad for awhile and just recently (maybe 3 years ago forgave him and my mom)

But she has always HATED me, I was the “divorce baby” in her eyes. I don’t remember this but my cousins told me that when I was a baby she refused to do anything with me and constantly screamed when I cried. My dad tried to make her stop but she never would.

Once I was able to start walking and talking and such things got BAD, she basically tormented me and treated me like her own punching bag. I didn’t understand till I was older and we fought A LOT, my dad tried to stop it where he could but she would just keep coming and I wasn’t about to just get bullied and not stand up for myself.

When she hit like 11 and I was 8 she calmed down and her scream outward hate towards me turned to a low simmering hate. Whenever I tried talking with her it was always something like “Just go away” “go ruin some other mom’s life” and some other stuff. I remember being like 10 and asking my mom why she hated me and she (my sister) very clearly said “cause your the reason my mom and dad divorced.”

My mom tried to tell her thats terrible and to her credit she did apologize but it was forced. Main problem:Right now I am 16 and she’s 19, I have absolutely 0 relationship with her and she still hates me over what happened with her mom and dad. My dad was saying that my sister was gonna be here for almost 2 months cause its spring break plus the month she would be here.

I wasn’t happy cause it was just another month and a half of tension and feeling like s**t for literally existing. My dad asked me why I’m “not excited to see my big sister” and I kinda just lost it, I know THEY made up but she’s never made up with ME. I flat out told him “Why am I not excited to see her? I don’t know, maybe cause I f**king hate her?

She is the reason home life has been literal HELL for me when I’m the one who did NOTHING. I wasn’t the mistress or the one who f**king cheated.” My dad told me to watch my mouth and how I talk about him and my mom, I just waved it off and went to my room.. Advice on all of this?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Zombombaby −  Honestly, your parents decided to let her use you as the s**pegoat a long time ago. They could have sat her down and told her that you didn’t ruin the marriage, they did. They could have addressed the giant elephant in the room and made her work through her feelings with them as mature adults who needed to face the continuing consequences of their actions.

It is not your responsibility to parent your sister and your parents and her mom are clearly failing you here. I think the best route would be to sit your parents down separately from your sister and explain the position they put you in. Tell them it’s their job as parents to fix it and handle the consequences of their affair. Be calm, collected and stick to bullet points. Don’t deviate.

Explain you are a child without the tools or experience on how to handle the fallout from the affair and its not your responsibility to fix your sister. All you can do is react and you’ve been patient long enough. Set boundaries, tell them you’re gonna walk away from any confrontations and will be honest every time your sister starts to blame you for her parents divorce.

You’re allowed to be upset here. But the best way through this is honesty, open mindedness and firm, reasonable boundaries. You got this.

[Reddit User] −  My dad told me to watch my mouth and how I talk about him and my mom, I just waved it off and went to my room. Funny how your dad absolutely refuses to take responsibility for his actions. He really needed that reality check when you told him the truth. Good on you for sticking up for yourself and calling him out on his b**lshit.

reverendcatdaddy −  Parents are exhibiting the same selfish behavior that led to the affair.

rela-advice −  Your dad is a selfish piece of s**t and you are more than welcome to let him know. If it really mattered to him he would also have changed your big sister s attitude towards you. Its complete b**lshit that he tried. Absolutely everything is the fault of your father.

MagikLeefs −  Two words: family therapy. Your folks are not handling this well at all if they’re just letting her behave how she wants. While you voiced how you felt a bit harshly you didn’t say anything false. If they want you two to have a good relationship they have to help foster that and actually confront this since it’s clearly still an issue for her.

[Reddit User] −  The dad needs to take responsibility for his actions and put that girl in therapy. He seriously messed her up with his choices and inability to support and explain things to her. By letting her continue her awful behavior he is doing neither you or her any favors, she will grow up to be a mean and sad person with daddy/trust issues 

DanLim79 −  Isn’t your father to blame for all of this? I never understood people misplacing anger towards irrelevant people. If any anger needs to be vented it should be at the source your father. You didn’t cheat, your half sister didn’t cheat, your father did. You two should be angry at him for breaking up a family.

Additional- Ok so since I’m getting up votes let me add some food for thoughts. You know when a woman catches her man cheating with another woman and by some weird backwards logic she goes immediately attack that other woman. Isn’t that just such an odd behavior? Technically, that other woman is a complete stranger to her. It’s her man that betrayed her.

Shouldn’t she be beating her man and not that other woman? Your half sister is doing the same thing. She’s blaming you for just being born and you’re getting angry at her because she’s angry at you. Where’s your wonderful can’t-keep-his-johny-tucked-in-for-too-long father in all of this?

Shouldn’t the two of you tag team and get revenge on your father like some Home Alone scene because he messed up your lives?? What the cat is going on here? Why is logic and common sense just missing in action from 90% of people’s thoughts? Where’s Jerry Springer?

Malky81 −  Her anger is misplaced. She is using you as a figurehead for how she actually feels about her/your father. She needs some form of therapy. What your dad did isn’t your fault but it’ll be very hard to make her see that with this amount of resentment and feelings of r**ection that have been boiling away inside of her for years.

Kata347 −  As a person who is in a similar situation as your sister, I fully understand her resentment, all be it misplaced. It’s her own feelings of not being enough for her father that make her act it out on you. I think it’s because you in essence represent what she feels she’s lacking. I’m so sorry you have to deal with it. It’s fully not your fault and it’s her and your father responsibility to deal with these hard feelings.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to protect yourself from her emotionally. The therapy suggested by the other comments would be necessary too. Your sister is probably dealing with a massive amount of issues due to the situation, but you are not to blame. I hope everything good to you OP. You don’t have to be her punching bag. You have done nothing wrong and you have every right to be alive and well.

BongSlurper −  Jesus Christ. Your father is a grade A f**king a**hole. Not only did he cheat on your mom when he had a 3 year old, he allowed his own young daughter take the punches for him rather than take responsibility. Your father is a c**ard. F**king complete pussy c**ard trash baby. He’s had opportunity after opportunity after opportunity to make this better and take accountability.

He hasn’t. Because he’s a c**ard who cares more about himself than his own child. Oh man. If that guy told me to watch my language I’d tell him I’ll watch my mouth when he watches where he sticks his f**king d**k. I hope you get some therapy. You’ve had the worst example of what a father and husband is supposed to look like it’s not even funny.

Don’t let this s**ew up your future relationships. This is not normal. You deserve so much more than this and not a single thing is your fault. Not one. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

Do you think the user should attempt to reconcile with their sister, or is it best to prioritize their own peace? How would you address unresolved resentment in a family dynamic, especially when the root cause is beyond your control? Share your thoughts and advice below!