My girlfriend told me she was with a friend, but that friend was with me picking out an engagement ring. How do I confront my girlfriend about her lie?
A Redditor shared their dilemma after discovering their girlfriend lied about meeting her friend, Justine, who was actually with him at the time helping pick out an engagement ring. The lie has shaken the trust in their otherwise open and honest relationship.
Now, the Redditor feels conflicted about how to confront their girlfriend without revealing the surprise engagement plan. They’re struggling to decide whether to address the issue or let it go, as the situation is causing emotional distress. Read the original story below.
‘ My girlfriend told me she was with a friend, but that friend was with me picking out an engagement ring. How do I confront my girlfriend about her lie?’
I (28M) am planning on proposing to my girlfriend of 3 years (26F). Now, I s**k at picking out jewelry. Im the type of guy that doesn’t see a problem with heart shaped jewelry (seriously why is it considered so u**y?) so every time I want to buy something for my girl, I usually consult one of our mutual friends.
My girl’s best friends are all friends with me as well and we all get along well, so asking them for help picking out jewelry is something I’m used to. When it came time to pick out a ring, I consulted my girlfriends best friend Justine (fake name). Justine and I are quite close and she knows my girlfriend better than anyone, including me.
So, when my girlfriend when out to visit her sister and baby nephew, I invited Justine over to the house to help pick out a ring. Justine and I looked through a few catalogues, but decided it was a dead end and it would be better to go to professionals at a jewelry store.
However, I didn’t know when my girlfriend would be coming home, so Justine and I thought of a clever text to gauge how much time we had. I asked her when she’d be coming home, as I was ordering takeout and wanted to know when to tell them to have the food ready by.
She responded by saying it would be a few hours, she met up with Justine to go shopping. Now, obviously this took me by surprise since Justine was standing inside my house. I showed Justine the text, and she looked as confused as I was.
It isn’t out of the ordinary for my girlfriend to meet up with people out of the blue like that for shopping, lunch, etc. She’s a very spontaneous person and loves making plans on the fly. So ordinarily, I would have believed this text in a heartbeat. However, obviously this had to be a lie.
When she came home she acted completely normal, and I played along but it’s been really hard to act like everything’s fine. We got takeout, ate together, and cuddled on the couch after. So far she’s caught on a little that somethings upsetting me, but I just can’t tell her what. Looking at her kills me.
I don’t know what to do. My girlfriend and I have zero trust issues and we tell each other everything, so this lie is killing me. I want to ask her about it so bad, but if I tell her I knew she was lying,
I’d have to explain why, and I really don’t want to do that. What do I do? I know she lied to me but I don’t know how to confront her about it. Should I just forget it? This won’t stop gnawing at me. Please help!
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Skincarejunkie13 − I know you say you can’t tel her why you know, but I honestly think you should. You don’t want this to bug you forever and propose to a girl that could be potentially hiding something. Just say you were hanging out with Justine because you needed help with a gift, so you know she wasn’t with her.
And see what she says. Trust and communication is important and it would s**k to know you propose to a girl who could be doing you wrong, but also just as bad to sit there and let that lie eat you alive.
el__duderino__ − Doesn’t have to be “the ring” you were shopping for – you can tell her that you asked Justine for her input on a gift for you and she was standing next to you when the text came in. However, what do you think the chances are Justine has not already tipped her off that you know she lied and has given her time to prep a story?
razlethe − How about something simple like ” I know you weren’t with Justine yesterday. What’s going on?” If she doubles down on Justine the simply say that you know she wasnt. Who was she with?
If she gets in your face and insists then you should know that your relationship is in serious trouble. So serious that you then confirm that you were with Justine yesterday. Where were you and why are you lying to me about it?
If she diverts at all about what were you doing with Justine…then you tell her i was getting her help to picknout and engagement ring for us. But now i’m thinking im an i**ot for doing that. Then get up…ask her to get her story straight and leave until she comes clean.
Warning…she may try to make it some kind of surprise for you…trust but verify. If shes cheating then you have matrixed yourself out of a bullet.
bearbear407 − “Hey gf. I was hanging out with Justine today because I wanted her opinion on something that I was hoping to get for you. That being said – why did you tell me you were hanging out with Justine?”
lookingforpc − Damn I can’t believe you wouldnt want to ask immediately
desertdilbert − *”Here’s my problem Honey.* *To me trust is everything and I have always trusted you implicitly.* *However, today you told me that you were with Justine when I know for a fact that you were not.*
*How I know that is not important right now and will be discussed at a later time.* *What I need to know right now is why you told me you were with Justine when you were not. Can you help me with that?”*
Ruthless_Bunny − See, I would have texted a selfie of you and Justine back to her. How do you know she wasn’t with YOUR best friend picking out a ring for you?
givingyounuclearRA − First of all, let’s be realistic about something: Justine’s allegiance is more towards the GF than OP. The likelihood Justine told her what’s going on is VERY high. So prepare for her to have perfect reasons.
The longer you wait, the worse it’s gonna be for you in terms of finding out the truth. I really hope this wasnt a week ago. Sit her down and ask her what she bought that day with Justine. Where did they go. Etc. I think most likely she’ll say something like “oh oops I didn’t mean Justine, I was with X”.
But maybe not and she’ll go deeper into the lie. You keep concerning yourself with “but then it’ll ruin the surprise!”, yet fail to comprehend how likely it is to be a moot point; and even if she is innocent of infidelity, she still lied. At this point engagement HAS to be shelved until you get this completely straightened out.
You can say you consulted Justine to buy GF a bathing suit for [birthday/ anniversary/ spontaneous gift] & summer. And she was over. Who cares what you say, you’re not the guilty one. If she changes her story, I’d strongly, STRONGLY consider demanding her phone to look through.
You can insist you’re not that kinda guy, but its WAY better to do that 1x than willingly get into a marriage with somebody cheating before you even propose. You will never EVER forgive yourself if you look past this, get married, have kids, and find out shes been f**king other dudes behind your back this entire time.
Hardline61 − Well, you no longer have 0 trust issues…I’d say this is a big trust issue since you know she lied. First things first…if you bought the ring or put a down payment on it, take it back. Try to get her to double down on her lie…then confront her. Do you know if Justine has talked to her?
[Reddit User] − Be honest. “I asked Justine to help me pick out a gift for you. I was with her when you said she was with you. Why did you say that if it wasn’t true?” Your statement “My girlfriend and I have zero trust issues and we tell each other everything, so this lie is killing me” is an oxymoron.
You now have a major trust issue that SHE caused. Accept this, and don’t start lying to protect this false image you have of her in your head. Hopefully the truth isn’t that bad, but what’s worse is letting your anxiety eat you alive. It’s time to be strong and face the truth, whatever it may be.
How would you approach a situation where uncovering the truth risks exposing a surprise? Should the Redditor address the lie now, or wait until after the proposal to revisit the topic? Have you ever faced a similar dilemma? Share your thoughts below!
For those who want to read the sequel: https://aita.pics/kFonJ