My girlfriend (27f) got annoyed that I (29m) plan to stay at my mums house twice a week?

A Reddit user (29M) shared a conflict with his girlfriend (27F) over his decision to stay at his mother’s house twice a week to support her during cancer treatment. His mother, who lives alone, is undergoing chemotherapy and has severe anxiety due to its side effects.

The user and his siblings decided to take turns staying with her, but his girlfriend expressed frustration, believing that he should prioritize their relationship. He feels his girlfriend is being unsympathetic, while she argues that his frequent absence could harm their bond. To explore the full story and how others responded, read more below.

‘ My girlfriend (27f) got annoyed that I (29m) plan to stay at my mums house twice a week?’

I live with my girlfriend and we live around a 30 min drive from my mum. This year my mum got diagnose with cancer and is currently undergoing chemo. Her anxiety is now through the roof due to the side effects of the treatment. She’s been hospitalised a few times because of the side effects so she’s now worrying constantly.

She’s scared because she lives alone and is worried something will happen to her. I was talking to my brother and sister and since we all live pretty close we brought up the possibility of us staying over a couple nights a week. We mentioned this to our mum and she was really grateful.

I mentioned this to my girlfriend and she asked if I was serious. I told her I was but she said I shouldn’t be staying over every week. I told her I’m not just going to let my mum sit scared and alone. She said I should be prioritising our relationship and not staying out for a few nights every week. I told her she was being completely unempathetic and that my mum needs me.

She just said I wasn’t thinking about the relationship but I just pointed out two nights is hardly a lot.. How would you handle this? Tl;dr my girlfriend got annoyed that I planned to stay at my mums twice a week because she is ill. She said I shouldn’t be staying away for multiple nights each week.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Champion_Flight −  The universe hands us moments that define who we are, and this is one of them. Your mother’s fighting for her life while your girlfriend’s fighting for date nights. See the disconnect? A partner who tries to separate you from supporting a seriously ill parent needs to do some serious soul searching.

Your siblings stepped up without hesitation because they understand what’s at stake. Your girlfriend’s reaction isn’t just concerning, it’s revealing something fundamental about her character. Sometimes love means making tough choices, but choosing to support your mother through cancer treatment shouldn’t be one of them.

lydocia −  I would personally break up with someone who is that dismissive of my mum’s cancer. Anyone’s cancer, really, but especially your mum’s. Your gf is super egocentric and lacks empathy. That would give me an ick so big I’d instantly break up. A good partner would not only understand, they’d likely offer to go with you to support you and your mum both.

techramblings −  It sounds like your GF is somewhat devoid of compassion. She’s only going to get worse if your mother’s condition deteriorates (obviously one hopes it does not and the treatment is effective). Is she going to start criticising you for spending too much time at the hospital, too?

A decent GF would be asking what she can do to help, whether you wanted her to stay over with you and help out, etc. etc. Your GF has given you a valuable lesson here: she’s shown you who she really is when the chips are down.

mrfluffypants1504 −  I’m usually the last person to advocate breaking up on reddit advice but your gf is way out of line. At 27, it’s astounding that she is unable to support your mum and you through a very difficult time. Sometimes it takes a crisis for us to see what our partners are really like. A good partner will support you and your family in every way they can.

A bad partner will be selfish and demand that your priorities remain with them. I think you already know how unreasonable your gf is being and how ridiculous her opinion on this is. Personally, at 29, there is no way I’d have stood for this type of behaviour and I would have ended it straight away. I suggest you do the same.

nihilistkitty −  Unfortunately, life is full of things that give us discomfort. A decent person would prioritise the health of your Mum over her selfish wants. My partners mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer and he moved in with her so she could die at home with family around her (was 2021 so visiting in hospital was extremely strict) She hung on for a little under a month.

When I finished a 9 hour shift a made food for them (what little she could eat at the start) and drove around an hour in city traffic so I could sit with her and give him a break, clean and bring supplies. Hell, my colleagues at work even made a basket with stuff for her.

It was extremely difficult for the both of us, but we worked together and got through it while making his Mums last days as comfortable as possible. Cancer sucks and it’s extremely distressing for the person and their family. She should be supporting you during this time, not starting fights. I hope your Mum kicks it’s ass and makes a quick recovery!!

snackhappynappy −  Your girlfriend doesn’t want you to help your sick mother? She sounds like a garbage person

PowerfulCurves −  I would d**p her selfish arse. I can’t imagine staying with someone so uncaring and self centred.

Hyacinth_Bouque −  I would move out of the girlfriend’s place and move into mom’s immediately. You deserve a partner who has slightly more empathy than you would spare to a garden slug.

PlaidyLady −  I once chose my ill father over someone and lost a relationship.  Worth it.

RayaQueen −  Run. Very fast. This girl’s not a normal human.