My girlfriend [24F] of 3 years replaced all of my [29M] clothes while I was away

A 29-year-old man shares how his girlfriend, who works in the fashion industry, replaced all of his clothes while he was away as a birthday surprise. While her intentions were good, the change left him frustrated and upset, especially since she donated his comfortable, well-worn clothes without his consent. Now, they’re stuck in a heated argument about gratitude, boundaries, and personal preferences. Read his full story below.

‘ My girlfriend [24F] of 3 years replaced all of my [29M] clothes while I was away’

I’ll try to give my girlfriends side here too so it’s not too biased. I used to dress like s**t, I was perfectly content wearing my gym clothes everywhere and stretched the dress code as much as possible for work. My girlfriend works in the fashion industry so she helped me buy some clothes that fit me better and looked nicer without being out of my comfort zone so I was really thankful for that.

I kept all the same gym clothes, sweatpants, Panama pants, old t shirts and sweaters and jeans etc as well as all of my shoes because I figured they’d be fine to wear around the house or to work out because I don’t really care how I look for that. I told her she could buy clothes for me if she wants because she knows what I like which is maybe where I went wrong.

Last week I went on training for work and it was my birthday while I was gone. I got back and my girlfriend had donated all of my old clothes that she hadn’t picked out and replaced it with new stuff. I tried to act grateful at first but honestly I’m f**king pissed off. I don’t want to wear s**tty stiff jeans that stain the seats in my truck blue and the running shoes s**k for actually running. Even the sweatpants are kinda tight which in my mind defeats the purpose of wearing sweatpants.

She got rid of all my old t shirts that I bought at games and replaced them with plain colours but now I have barely any tshirts at all. And she spent a ton of money doing this. I know the jeans alone are over $300 and and the shoes probably cost over two grand. She gets a small discount on this stuff but still, she probably spent upwards of 5k on all the new clothes, I looked up some of the brands and it’s all really high end.

I told her I wish she hadn’t gotten rid of my old stuff and she said I would have kept wearing it so she had to but offered to go get it back from the thrift store. Well the thrift store apparently sends their donated clothes away to get wasted and then they get sent to various locations throughout our city so basically no one has any idea where my clothes are and they’re as good as gone.

The reason I’m posting is she’s now mad at me for being ungrateful and says I’m being s**tty and should respect and appreciate her more. But yeah I’m not really that thankful because she got rid of all my s**t. Yesterday I told her not to talk to me until she came home with my bean boots that I’ve been breaking in for years which she actually was able to find but it caused a huge fight. Am I being a d**k for being pissed about this? Tl;dr: my girlfriend replaced all of my clothes with nicer higher end versions and I’m pissed off about it.

 

These are the responses from Reddit users:

pissed007 −  TLDR: You right, she wrong. You WERE grateful for the new stuff. She WAS out of line utterly for throwing out the old stuff. That’s very patronizing and controlling and disrespectful indeed. What other aspects of you will she unilaterally insist on “improving” next? I suggest it is time to change the oil in that truck. White satin disco pants anyone?

thepersonwiththeface −  The gift was the new clothes, the insult was getting rid of all of your possessions. Also, it was a gift for herself, not for you. You have every right to be upset. She majorly overstepped her boundaries. Tell her “while I appreciate all of the thought, effort, and money you put into this gift, a gift is supposed to make the person receiving it happy. I understand that you were trying to improve my life, but it honestly feels like you did this because you didn’t like how I dress, not because I was unhappy with how I dress.

You didn’t take into account how this clothing would make me feel day to day. It does not suit my needs. I may look good, but I don’t feel good. You also broke my trust by throwing away my clothes. They were my possessions, and you didn’t have any right to throw them away and only did it because YOU didn’t like how I dressed. I liked my clothes and am upset you did that. I’m fine with you giving me suggestions, but you have to accept who I am.”

banjohipp −  Replacing your entire wardrobe? Geez, you have every right to be pissed. Just because she works in the fashion industry and is your GF doesn’t give her cause to treat you like a personal Ken doll to dress as she sees fit.

oioimate −  This was mostly a gift for herself. She wants a fashionable boyfriend. Throwing away your old clothes was a way to get you to do what she wants. That is m**ipulative and disrespectful. Her clever plan was that you couldn’t get mad because the gift was so expensive and “thoughtful”.. I’d be livid if I were you. Edit: Ask her if she honestly thought you wanted her to throw away your clothes.

Imsolost123456789 −  The reason I’m posting is she’s now mad at me for being ungrateful and says I’m being s**tty and should respect and appreciate her more. “Respect her more.” That’s insanely hypocritical. She didn’t respect you enough to even *ask* before she threw out your personal items. Am I being a d**k for being pissed about this? No. What she did was insanely screwed up. I would be livid if I came home and all my clothes were trashed. You never get rid of your partners things without discussing it with them and getting their consent for it. She is controlling and completely disrespectful.

punch_dance −  She got rid of your broken in running shoes?!. Unacceptable! But really, while this is on paper a nice gesture the way she executed it was most certainly not. She could have kept all of your old stuff to the side and given you the chance to go through it before donating. She could have kept your team shirts/band shirts/ clearly sentimental s**t. She could have treated you like an adult who has been dressing himself for decades before you met her. You are not being a d**k. What she did was way over the line.. (Edited for clarity?)

[Reddit User] −  She has thrown your possessions out without your consent and thinks your ungrateful what planet does she live on? She should not have thrown your clothes out and should accept you for the way you decide to dress. She is obviously embarrassed by the way you dress and wants you to fit her image not express yourself. She owes you the cost of what she has thrown out it matters not that she replaced the clothes that was a present, the stuff thrown out she is in debt to replace like for like. Don’t allow her to mold you be yourself not her dress up doll .

[Reddit User] −  Yesterday I told her not to talk to me until she came home with my bean boots. SHE GOT RID OF YOUR BEAN BOOTS?! That girl is not right in the head. Those things are a gift from the gods. Reliable, comfortable, and fashionable. I mean s**t, go to any llbean store in the fall and ask for the classics and they will tell you they are backordered till July of next year. I’d wear mine all year round if the temperature allowed. I know she got them back but christ, that would have been the end for me if I was you.

When your bean boots wear down you send them to freeport and they replace the soles for you and patch em up. Can’t do that with a s**tty girlfriend.

beachlover71 −  Female here…ask her how she would feel if you threw out the clothes, purses, shoes, and makeup of hers that you didn’t like. She was out of line for throwing your stuff out without permission.

Tinycowz −  OH yeah, I have been down this road. Right after I got married my new husband took me out shopping, and then tossed all my old stuff while I was at work. He then spent the next 7 years trying to make me what he wanted. Everything was controlled.
It starts out small, though I bet if you really think back there have been minor control issues you have glossed over, but they get worse. She doesnt want you, not the real person you are, she wants you, the person *she* is going to make you. This is conditional love. Find someone that is willing to take you unconditionally.