My GF (27F) is upset because I (32M) cancelled our Christmas plans/trip after I had had a stroke and had surgery- can someone offer advice?

A 32-year-old man who recently suffered a life-threatening stroke and underwent surgery is grappling with the decision to cancel a planned Christmas trip with his 27-year-old girlfriend. While his recovery is ongoing, he felt that it was too soon to engage in travel and activities like ice skating, considering his balance issues and health risks.

His girlfriend is upset by the cancellation, leaving him torn between prioritizing his health and feeling guilty for disappointing her. He wonders if her upset is justified or if she’s being inconsiderate of his current health condition. Read the full story below.

‘ My GF (27F) is upset because I (32M) cancelled our Christmas plans/trip after I had had a stroke and had surgery- can someone offer advice?’

I had a stroke in September that was life threatening that caused me to stay at the hospital for nearly 2 months before coming home a few weeks ago. After I got discharged, I thought everything would be okay, but after consulting with my doctor and parents, this is only the ‘start’ of my recovery phase and even though I have improved A LOT, they feel like it’s too early from me to completely resume normal activities and just be out on my own.

After I got discharged, I was excited and my girlfriend said she wanted to spend Christmas with me and go on a 4-day trip somewhere because she really needed a vacation from the stress she had from work as well as from me, being in the hospital and having her go through a lot of emotional pain. I already made the plans, made reservations, booked the airbnb but I kept having second thoughts about it after I had consulted with the doctor and my family and decided to cancel them.

I still feel like I’m not 100% – I’m still stumbling a bit here and there and I feel like I’m just not the same physically yet. However, it seems to me that my GF possibly thinks I’m 100% ok now and now wants me to go out and have fun. I got anxious the more and more I thought about our planned date – we planned to go ice skating and I kept getting anxiety – what if I fall and/or keep losing balance? What if exposure to the cold weather possibly infects my brain? etc etc

This also made my parents very angry towards my girlfriend who thought all of this would be OK. They said she doesn’t care about my status/recovery and she should know I should just continue to rest. ( told my GF this and the fact that I think it’s still too “early”.

I told her I’m going to cancel our plans and apologized – she proceeded to say “ok just cancel everything” and she just ghosted me for days (still haven’t hear from her). I love her and all but I have a very strong feeling that she is also upset because I cancelled our plans for the Christmas/New Year. I feel really bad but I had to make the best decision for me, my body, and my health. Is her feeling ‘upset’ (which i’m pretty sure she is) valid?

My parents have told me that if she really loves me and cares about me, she would drive all the way to my house (which is 45 minutes away) and spend Christmas at my house together or something instead of wanting to have a date in NYC, go see the three and walk around, etc.

That would require me to take the bus, get past the big crowd, etc. when I just had a stroke a couple months ago, Me constantly thinking about this made me question if she really does care about me or if she’s selfish just seeking fun, thrill and excitement for herself without truly considering my current circumstance. Any advice would be much appreciated.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

DMmeNiceTitties −  Listen to your parents. They know what they’re talking about. Your girlfriend only cares about you if you can provide for her what she wants. If you don’t/can’t, she’ll ghost you because she can’t handle being told no.

GoGetLost −  There’s always next year. I don’t know why anyone would prioritize a vacation over the health of a loved one. Seems selfish way of thinking to me. Stick to your decision, don’t want to end up yet in another hospital during the holidays.

goodbye-toilet-cat −  /r/stroke you will find support there, lots of younger stroke survivors.. Length of relationship? I’m sorry but what the hell. You could have died and you are still recovering.

A fall on the ice and a head bump could be very very serious! you don’t need to share the details, but if you had a stroke due to full or partial arterial dissection and your arteries are still healing, I wouldn’t want to risk busting my arteries open again doing reckless things while you should be resting and recovering.

You’ve literally suffered a brain injury. There are a hundred other ways you could injure yourself or otherwise inhibit your recovery if you do not take the doctor’s orders to lay low seriously.

I can possibly cut your gf some slack if she is ignorant and uninformed. Part of that may be due to you not being as fully informed yourself, or not sharing as candidly as you maybe should have. But her reaction to learning just how uninformed she is about the situation – to get mean and to ignore you – that’s a giant problem to me. She can be disappointed that you almost dying is changing her plans, but she doesn’t have the right to take it out on you with such cruelty.

areyoulogical −  Your girlfriend is selfish. If you’ve explained to her why you cancelled and that you’re still in recovery, and she is pulling this garbage, then perhaps you need to ghost her.

Snoo-19239 −  She’s not passing the in sickness and health test. Make her your ex. This is not the actions of a loving partner

Posterbomber −  it’s way too soon to travel, no travel until next September. You’re not even supposed to be trying to take the stairs for 2 years because you’re mind and legs don’t communicate correctly yet. There needs to be a year of recovery then also you may need physical therapy for good measure.

It’s too soon to travel and she’s not mature enough to understand that. She’s not considering you properly. It’s okay to be upset when you thought you were going to go but now its canceled but this ghosting deserves a serious coming to the table for the proper setting of expatiations

UnusualPotato1515 −  Break up with this selfish weirdo. Your parents are right about her. I have a daughter & Id be so disappointed if she ever behaves like that with her partner.

mostlygooddays −  Advice: Break up with her. Anytime you become ill/injured in the future, you can guarantee she will not care about your wellbeing.

OkLocksmith2064 −  I’m with your parents on this one. A good friend of mine (23f) had a stroke and it changed everything. It’s not unlikely to have another one in a short period of time. You have to heal, your brain has to heal, your body has to heal. Please take care of yourself, relax and recover. Please make sure to have help or a phone in reach 24/7. My friend is slowly herself again after ONE YEAR!

Her bf moved in with her and took care of her, as well as her parents. Long walks were not possible at the beginning cause she was constantly exhausted.. Please, you only have one life. I understand that she has some kind of expectations in her head how she wanted to spend Christmas with you. But I get the feeling her feelings for you are not as deep as her longing for a vacation to her liking.

But it won’t happen cause that would be very reckless. Don’t apologize, you are not responsible for your health status. It’s what it is. Maybe spend Christmas with your parents? I don’t know if your gf has now other plans or just stay at home. But please take care of yourself.

yagot2bekidding −  I get she needs a break from her stress – that is natural. I was going to suggest a compromise, up until i read she’s ghosting you for days. It’s ok to be upset and take a minute to feel her feels, but that is one day at the most. Anymore than that is selfish, maybe n**cissist. If she is having this much trouble with the “for worse” part of a relationship now, don’t expect that to change after a wedding.

It’s difficult to navigate between health and relationships, especially after a major life event like a stroke. Have you faced a similar challenge where you had to prioritize your well-being over someone else’s expectations? How did you handle the situation? Share your thoughts below!