My gf (19f) hit me after I (21m) asked if the girl in the photo was her. What should I do?

A Redditor shares an emotional story about an incident with his girlfriend (19f). After casually asking if a photo of a young girl was of her, she reacted by slapping him and expressing how offended she felt. The girlfriend explained that the comment made her feel extremely ugly and diminished her self-esteem.

Despite apologizing, the Redditor feels emotionally drained by the situation, as he struggles with how to handle her emotional outbursts without expressing his own concerns. She has since sent him a message asking him to better understand her feelings and avoid getting defensive. The user is now unsure how to move forward in the relationship. Read the original story below to find out more about the emotional struggles involved in this situation.

‘ My gf (19f) hit me after I (21m) asked if the girl in the photo was her. What should I do?’

So basically yesterday evening, everything was going well. I made food for the two of us and we watched a show together. Then out of nowhere she pulls out a photo on her phone and asks me about my thoughts. The photo showed an average young looking girl (maybe around 14-15) wearing a facemask. I asked her if that was her younger self and to my surprise she becomes super mad and hits me hard across the back.

She then rants how she was urtterly offended by what I said and that the girl in the photo is “the ugliest, most deformed and horrible” girl in the world. (I’m assuming there was drama in the past with the girl in the photo.) I was still shocked by the slap and expressed how physical violence is never justified. She apologized quickly but throughout the night, she kept crying about how I called her “u**y” and how I had greatly “offended” her.

I apologized to her about what I said but I’ll admit that I acted colder towards her that night. I didn’t yell at her or argue with her, I just held my distance as I genuinely didn’t understand what I could have done better to have avoided that situation. She then sent me this message in the morning:

I’m still really bothered by what u said yesterday about how I look like the girl. Moreover ita the fact that yes I may have hit you but it was due to the huge distress I felt in that moment. I don’t exactly hit you very often so I wish u took a moment to understand why I acted that way afterwards. Due to your word I feel so u**y and disgusting and just overall all my confidence, self esteem, and any love I had for my self is gone.

I haven’t really been able to sleep either because every time I try, I can’t stop thinking about how terrible I look. Moreover I was more heartbroken by the fact that you acted as if nothing was wrong and told me that you didn’t know whay u did wrong. I think that’s a fair feeling to feel, but I think if would have been optimal if you asked why I reacted that way, or how I was feeling at that moment rather than being upset(I wish you were the bigger man).

Since I’m genuinely afraid of how you’d react, and how upset or how annoyed u may be, showering me with repeating questions, I’m not able to bring up concers to you face. That is why I’m texting you it. I’m not saying any of this to criticize you about anything but I hope you would be willing to change. As people say “if he wanted he would”, I truly hope you can cast your ego to the side for a bit and see where I’m coming from.

Again I haven’t gotten much sleep and I also have a lot on my plate right kow. So please don’t come cornering, questioning, aggressively defending yourself, or act Super dry towards me when I wake up. I’m not telling you to have a complete 180 but please try to consider how I feel a little better, and ask when u don’t know what the issue might be.

Ps ur probably going to bring up stuff about your emotions too. Please don’t. I’m talking about my emotions right now and I deserve to be heard. This isn’t a time to dismiss my concerns with yours. I’m sending all this with the hopes that u would listen and try to understand a bit better. So please don’t waste my time.

Please let me know your thoughts and how I should approach this. I feel like I’m hitting an emotional wall where I have to tend to all her needs without expressing mine even if I disagree with her. I’m finding it harder and harder to communicate with her when she expects me to “be the bigger man” and deal with it.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

YaddaBoomBadda −  NTA I’d respond with, “I didn’t insult you, and I’m not dating someone who hits me. Lose my number.” Do not give her a second chance. She is the type of girl who will set you up to get in seriously trouble the next time she is ticked off.

theworldisonfire8377 −  Hitting you, calling a young woman u**y and deformed, demanding you don’t talk about your own feelings because hers are more important… I mean, how many red flags can you capture in one incident. She sounds like a terrible person all around. NTA.

Miserable-Tadpole-90 −  Moreover ita the fact that yes I may have hit you but it was due to the huge distress I felt in that moment. I don’t exactly hit you very often so I wish u took a moment to understand why I acted that way. That’s the language of an abuser.

Since I’m genuinely afraid of how you’d react, and how upset or how annoyed u may be. That’s the language of a manipulator, trying to turn you into the bad guy. NTA, I don’t think this is the girl for you.

CrazyAnarchFerret −  That sounds like a huge red flag. Passiv agressiv as f**k. “I hit you, but you should still tell yourself it’s your fault and we’re talking about me here. I’m not accusing you, but I’m accusing you anyway. You’ve got to change. Don’t try to defend yourself. Your emotions aren’t valid in this situation and you need to get over it. Don’t waste my time.”

It’s the work of a psychologist that’s needed here, but you’re going to sink emotionally if you stay with someone who hits you while hoping that you’ll serve as a lifeline.

Specialist_Loan8666 −  Wait until she does it again cops are called and somehow you are the one going to jail.

Tfuentexxx −  A**sive, m**ipulative, with lack of self control. What are you waiting for? Just marry her. If you have not dumped her already it means you are OK with being abused physical and emotionally. The whole ‘What should I do’ after my gf hit me is kind of rhetoric. But if that’s what you enjoy, who are we to judge you.

Forward_Ad9125 −  NTA. You are being abused. Run.

Adept_Ad_473 −  NTA. The “sorry I hit you but you made me do that” is textbook manipulation and typical of abusers in DV situations. You need to let this one go – she’ll turn you into something you don’t want to be.

Chemical-Ad6301 −  Yeah you need to get away from this p**cho ASAP.

Sheshcoco −  NTA. She showed you the photo to set you up. With no context how were you supposed to react? When you didn’t respond to her liking she physically attacked you and now she’s g**lighting you to make herself the victim and you the bad guy. She’s m**ipulative af and you need to get away from her. FAST.