My friend of 8 years accused me of sleeping with his wife. I cut him off and he’s asking if I’m still his friend?

Few things sting more than a close friend leveling false accusations against you—especially when you’ve only tried to help. In this story, the Original Poster (OP) has been friends with B since high school, even supporting B through a rough divorce. However, B’s refusal to accept responsibility for his failing marriage, combined with a shocking accusation that OP and B’s wife were romantically involved, shook their long-standing friendship to the core.

Now, with B’s life seemingly spiraling out of control, the question is: should OP remain in his corner and hope he changes for the better? Or is it time to move on, cutting ties with someone who’s proven unwilling to see his own faults? Let’s break down the dynamics at play and consider whether a path to reconciliation—or a healthy separation—is the best option.

‘ My friend of 8 years accused me of sleeping with his wife. I cut him off and he’s asking if I’m still his friend?’

Below is the original account from OP, explaining the heartbreaking split between his friend B and B’s former wife, as well as the accusations leveled at OP:

The Nature of False Accusations
Being wrongly accused by someone you’ve supported can be deeply hurtful. Psychologist Dr. Andrea Bonior, who specializes in relationship dynamics, points out that “false accusations often arise when the accuser feels a loss of control in their life. Shifting blame onto someone else can temporarily soothe their guilt or shame.” For B, who lost both his marriage and sense of stability, lashing out at the closest person (OP) might be a misguided way to recast himself as the victim instead of the cause of his problems.

Recognizing Unhealthy Friendship Patterns
Healthy friendships typically offer mutual respect, empathy, and a willingness to address conflict. However, B’s demands—wanting OP to fix his marriage and taking no accountability for his role in its breakdown—underscore an emotional imbalance. According to marriage and family therapist Hal Runkel, “A person stuck in a victim mindset views others either as saviors or villains.” In B’s view, OP switches from ally to scapegoat the moment OP can’t magically repair his life. This dynamic is draining and seldom changes unless the accused friend (OP) sets firm boundaries.

When to Step Back
Cutting off a long-term friendship can be emotionally difficult, but sometimes it’s necessary for self-preservation. Dr. Bonior suggests evaluating whether the friend in question shows any capacity for personal growth or genuine remorse. If B refuses to acknowledge his role or remains consumed by anger, it may be healthier for OP to keep a distance. “Walking away, even temporarily, might provide the clarity both parties need to either rebuild a more balanced relationship or accept that the friendship has run its course,” she explains.

A Possible Path Forward
If OP still hopes to salvage the connection, a final conversation might help define expectations. OP could express concern for B’s well-being, but also communicate that false accusations are not acceptable. Ultimatums aren’t always productive, but stating boundaries—like “I’m not comfortable staying friends if you continue to blame me for your problems”—can offer a last chance for the friendship. If B’s response is more hostility, OP can walk away, knowing he tried to maintain the bond with dignity and fairness.

Check out how the community responded:

Fellow Reddit users largely echoed the sentiment that a friend who won’t accept responsibility and hurls baseless accusations can become toxic to be around. Many advised OP to distance himself unless B demonstrates genuine change, pointing out that enabling B by staying silent could perpetuate the cycle of blame-shifting.

Ultimately, standing by a friend in crisis is commendable—until it becomes clear the friend is unwilling to change and emotionally draining to be around. Should OP hold out hope or cut ties completely? Weigh in with your thoughts below. Have you navigated a similar scenario with a close friend gone off-course?