My Friend Hates His Christmas Present and Now He isnt talking to me. How do I get him to talk about it?

A young woman (18F) faces a challenging situation after giving her close friend (18M) a Christmas gift, only to have him mock it, leaving her hurt and now unable to communicate with him.

She’s frustrated by his lack of input and is unsure how to approach him or whether she should even try to get him another present. Should she reach out to clear the air, or let the situation be? Read her dilemma below.

‘ My Friend Hates His Christmas Present and Now He isnt talking to me. How do I get him to talk about it?’

Since its Christmas time my friend group has decided to get everyone presents. I’d (18F) gotten everyone a present except this one friend (M18). We’ve been friends for a while so he knows how i react to people mocking me and that kind of thing (important for later).

Whenever I’d ask him for ideas on what to get i’d be told “i have no idea” or “i dont know what I want” so it was hard to find something that they would like since he wasn’t communicating at all. After 2 weeks of searching the internet i found a poster of his favourite character from an anime and i decided to get it.

Soon after i bought it, I was talking to him to get ideas for another friend to get him a present and brought up a keychain of this character that I had seen and thought about getting. He told me he wasn’t a big fan of anime merch but as long as it wasn’t ridiculous he’d like it.

So I started getting worried about the poster and eventually showed him what I had gotten. He burst out laughing at me and said “thats the most tacky thing you could have gotten me.” and continued laughing for about five minutes. It was a good quality canvas poster and wasn’t the cheapest so it’s not exactly junk.

I got upset since I had taken a lot of time and effort trying to find something that he’d like without him being helpful at all, and he just laughed in my face. I ended up crying and had to leave the call because he couldnt compose himself and it was making me more upset.

If he had just told me in the first place he found anime merch “tacky” I wouldn’t have bought it for him and we could have avoided this situation but he offered no help or advice on what to get him at all so I had no idea of knowing which is so frustrating, despite the fact that i had asked at least 4-5 times in those 2 weeks.

I have tried to talk about it since then and he has been ignoring me ever since so I don’t know what to do. I’m trying to get a refund on the poster since it hasn’t shipped yet but its from Etsy so I’m not too sure on the refunds. Is it worth trying to get him another present? How can I talk to him about this?

Check out how the community responded:

FortressofTrees −  He’s not a good friend, and you don’t owe him a present. If I were you, I’d leave reaching out to talk in his hands. He owes you an apology. Even if he wasn’t a fan of what you got him, he needs to learn to be tactful and kind.

Remember that people who lean into “I was just being honest!” while being cruel/unkind aren’t really that interested in being honest: they just like being cruel. It is always possible to be both honest and kind.

In the meantime, I’d pull back from him a little more and redirect my energy into evaluating if he is someone worth spending time/effort/money on. Are your interactions with him more often positive than negative? Are you happy and at ease when you talk/spend time with him?

Or do you tense up/feel like you’re walking on eggshells around him? Do you find yourself unhappy/confused/uncomfortable when you spend time with him/directly afterwards?

Friendships are best when both parties are warmed and uplifted by the relationship. This guy sounds like he grinds his “friends” down. Don’t waste your happiness trying to please someone like that.

Dreamin- −  Bro f**k that guy he isn’t a good friend. Man even if I didn’t particularly like the present I’d be stoked to get something thoughtful and related to my interests like that. I’d just continue getting other guys presents and skip getting him any.

Qweniden −  Don’t be friends with mean people who don’t care about your feelings.

Kijamon −  No one worth bothering with finds a present like that 5 minutes worthy of laughing over. It’s not like it wasn’t a reasonable present to give. Get a refund, give him nothing, don’t let someone like that ruin the moment with others. Explain why if asked by anyone else.

Afraid_Sense5363 −  Don’t you dare buy him another gift (or give him the poster). He’s not your friend.

heynatastic −  Your present didn’t make him mad at you, it just revealed to you what a scumbag he is and that he probably never liked you. He’s the kind of person who is mean and untrustworthy, and gets joy when he makes other people cry. It’s really painful to find that out but it’s better to know the truth. 

EPMD_ −  I recommend getting out of any gift-giving commitments with people who are this difficult. You don’t have to throw away the friendship, but you also don’t have to play the gift-giving game.

And yes, his reaction to your gift was insensitive and immature, but 18 year olds are like that sometimes. It doesn’t make it right, but if you blocked every friend who ever did something wrong then you’d end up with no friends.

Doughchild −  Not a good friend. Maybe reevaluate if you really are friends. Sometimes you grow apart, even if you really like the person and had good times with them. If he doesn’t want to talk, perhaps just keep the money in your pocket and buy yourself something cute.

Also, next time you have no clue: giftcards (or just cash) are for these types of people. Picking a special gift can be emotional labour, but if they give you nothing to work with, this is a great way to shift that back to them. Still are getting a gift so nothing to complain there.

FedyaSteam −  as the saying goes – don’t check the teeth of a gifted horse, and he did just that. you’re owed an apology – if the person can’t appreciate the effort they don’t deserve it at all.

StrawberryRaspberryK −  What a s**tty friend! He should be grateful he even got a present after being so unhelpful about what he wants. What I want to know is where is Your present? What did he get you? If he didn’t even bother then no more presents for him. Forever and ever amen. D**p him as a present to yourself.

Should she keep trying to mend the relationship by addressing her friend’s harsh reaction, or step back and respect the space he’s giving her? Share your thoughts below.