My Fiancé (31M) met a woman and has been texting her in ways that makes me uncomfortable…

A 28-year-old woman (Fiancé) is struggling with her 31-year-old fiancé’s behavior after he recently completed detox and rehab. While recovering, he met a woman named Angela, with whom he developed an emotionally intimate relationship.

Despite the woman’s role in his recovery, his texts and the love letters found in his wallet leave her feeling betrayed. She’s conflicted about confronting him as he is currently in rehab but is now reflecting on the pain she’s endured throughout their relationship. Read the full story below.

‘ My Fiancé (31M) met a woman and has been texting her in ways that makes me uncomfortable…’

I’m so embarrassed typing this but here we go. I am a 28F, my Fiance is 31M. We’ve been together for 8 years. He is an a**oholic and recently he went to a facility to detox and treatment. When he called me after being in there for a few weeks he told me that he was in a unisex wing so he’s been meeting new “friends” who are men and women.

Fast forward to about a week later when he gets out. He told me about the guys that he’s met and the women that he’s met… one being a “40 something year old woman named Angela who has kids” (name changed for safety reasons). He says he likes her because she’s like a mother figure.

While he’s at home he’s on his phone texting more and taking pictures of himself around the house. I ignore it but I’m suspicious of it. A week later, he says he’s meeting up with Angela at the mall to just talk about their recovery plans. Okay sure, I love that he’s making friends. He goes out for about 2 hours.

A week after that, it’s a few days before Christmas. He tells me that he’s invited to a family Christmas party. Same day, he starts drinking and relapses. I check his phone to get the address of the holiday party because I miss his family and would love to see them.

I open the text app and it’s already in a chat with Angela. Now my curiosity kicks in, I scroll through the messages and see his saying things like “do you dream of me”, “I freaking miss you”, “you don’t know how much I care for you”, “I’m happy for the first time in a long time and you’ve been helping with that”. I find her Instagram and it has her first and last name, I do a quick Google and find out that she’s actually 35.

The same day he relapses, I take him to the hospital because he drank too much. I don’t bring up the texts. But when I head home for the night after being in the hospital for a few hours with him he wants me to take his things like wallet and clothes but to leave his phone there.

I get home with his wallet and clothes then go into his wallet to grab a photo of us that he keeps in there, it’s one of my favorite pictures of us. He has a thin wallet that doesn’t have a lot of pockets or any zippers, just a flat wallet. Inside of the cash pocket there is our picture but there are also condoms and 2 love letters (more like poems) that Angela wrote him while they were in that facility.

I feel like s**t. I’ve stood by this man for years while his addiction ruins so much. I’ve lost weight, cried, gone in and out of depression, lost money, lost friends, missed opportunities, lost jobs, lost vehicles, lost my personality… for this man. I’m not trying to jump the gun which is why I stopped “snooping”.

I saw that I needed to see after 3 minutes of looking through the texts. And I wish I didn’t see those love letters and condoms in his wallet. I don’t want to believe that he would cheat with me after spending maybe a week in a facility with this girl…. But thinking back to how he was talking and replaying some conversations i am also seeing hints..

TL;DR

– a**oholic fiance meets a woman while in a facility

– he’s been texting her, calling her, and met up with her. – I find out he lied about her age

– I found condoms and 2 love letters in his wallet where he keeps my favorite picture of us

UPDATE: He doesn’t have access to his phone because he’s at rehab.. but I sent a 2 paragraph text to his phone that he will see when he gets out. It will answer his question as to why I’m not picking him up and why it will be one of his family members instead. And yeah, I’m very pissed. I’m very upset. And I’m very very angry.

But I’m working on moving on. Pls keep the comments kind, I beat myself up daily already because I’ve stayed in this situation for so long. I’d much rather hear your stories of how you moved on. And also, I’m going to bed. I’ll respond again in the morning

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

cheesus32 −  I’m so sorry 🙁 this would be devastating. I think you already know this but… It’s time. You need to live in a time frame where you can focus on just you and take care of you. ♥️

Rhazelle −  This man doesn’t deserve you. Regardless of if he’s already slept with her or not (I’d bet money they have tho), he is at the very least emotionally cheating on you. He is an a**oholic who has already cost you so much, as you’ve already listed out in this post, and he will continue costing you not only in material things, but also your mental sanity, time, and happiness if you keep letting him.

Don’t let the time and effort you already spent on him keep you from leaving the situation so you can do better for yourself and find someone who does appreciate the time and effort you put into your partner.

These discoveries shouldn’t just be making you “uncomfortable” – you are way underreacting. These alone even without the rest of how he’s been negatively impacting your life is enough grounds for a break-up for a lot of people. Add all of those other things on top and I have no good suggestions for you other than to snap out of it and ditch this l**er.

Final_Technology104 −  If that was my fiance’ , I’d send him a pic of the condoms and Angela’s poems and screenshots of their intimate convos and tell him Angela can pick him up from the hospital and take care of him. I’d launch him without a thought.. It’d be OVER. LAUNCHING.

nicenyeezy −  You should have left a long time ago, he’s not marriage material, he’s a c**ater and an unreliable mess of a person

Conscious-Hurry-6732 −  Even if he didn’t do anything physical with her, he’s already in cheating territory imo. I recommend leaving. Never lose yourself in a relationship. Be with someone who highlights your personality, not shades it. (that was so corny lol but imma leave it).

And don’t for a second think you can’t leave because he’s in a bad spot. He needs to hit rock bottom and will never do that if people excuse his behavior because of a**oholism. Let me tell you, people who meet in rehab, things never end well for them. I know multiple people who met someone in rehab and it always ended in d**th. They’re too deep into the addiction.

fiery_valkyrie −  You wish you didn’t see the letters and condoms, but honestly I think it’s a good thing that you did. You need to stop hanging onto that tiny bit of hope you have that he will get better and your relationship will work, because it’s not going to happen.

I hope this is *your* rock bottom. I hope this is the moment that makes you realise that this man will never be who you want, never be there for you. I hope you choose to love yourself and leave this relationship once and for all.

publicprivacyp −  I know there’s a lot of stigma around “snooping,” in our partners’ phones, wallet, etc. But the only times I did was when my gut was telling me something was wrong, and I don’t regret looking. Then I had someone tell me, “if it’s the right person, you won’t want or need to snoop.”

He sucks. Time to move on. I know it’s hard because you already invested so much time, and it might be struggle getting your life back, but in time you will feel so much better. Hang in there.

tokrol −  Run and never look back. Sure, 8 years is a pretty long time. 8 years of memories, experiences, companionship, whatever But he doesn’t give a single f**k about those 8 years. From his perspective its not a relationship, just dependable, reliable, you.

You’ve lost a lot — even your personality. Somewhere inside the booze and the pain and the sacrifice you stopped being yourself. HE IS BEING HIMSELF NOW. Don’t let someone who can do all of this to you remain in your life. He’ll suffer when you leave. Once you learn to detatch you’ll thrive.

tenebrasocculta −  This man is a f**king mess, OP. He isn’t taking recovery seriously and hasn’t been all along if he’s spending his time in rehab getting up on fellow addicts. Cut him loose and move on.

watchingonsidelines −  You are not just seeing hints, you’re seeing the truth. Do you want that list of things you’ve given up for him to get even longer, or are you finally ready to put yourself first?

It’s hard to imagine the emotional weight of finding such painful truths in a relationship you’ve invested so much in. Have you ever been in a situation where you felt betrayed or unsure of your partner’s loyalty? Share your thoughts below!