My fiancé (30M) can’t afford the honeymoon I (25F) want but he doesn’t let me pay either

A bride-to-be is at an impasse with her fiancé over their honeymoon plans. She wants her dream trip, which exceeds his budget, but he refuses to let her contribute financially due to cultural values. This disagreement highlights deeper issues around communication, compromise, and financial dynamics in their relationship.

‘ My fiancé (30M) can’t afford the honeymoon I (25F) want but he doesn’t let me pay either ‘

We are getting married in June next year. I don’t really like weddings and if it was up to me we would just do the civil marriage and a small religious ceremony. But his family wants the big wedding. And they are taking care of everything.

I’ve always been of the mindset no/small wedding and big honeymoon. Anyways to give more context, he comes from a culture in which men are supposed to pay for everything. So his family is helping him with the wedding. And he wants to pay all the honeymoon.

My dream honeymoon would be 19 days in two countries. Both countries happen to be expensive. He has a budget and told me I either have to switch one of the destinations for a cheaper one. My plan is to spend the first 5 days in a country and then go to the other one.

He’s telling me to switch to a cheaper destination for the first 5 days. It’s that or going less days to the second country. The vacation I planned is 3K above his budget. And I offered to pay. But he isn’t letting me pay. He thinks it’s a waste of money and that I shouldn’t have to pay anything.

I told him he’s being unreasonable. He says that I’m the one who’s unreasonable. So we are stuck at this. Should I just give up and go with his budget? I thought about going with my plan and paying the 3K without saying anything.

But I’m worried this will backfire. And also I don’t like the fact that we’re not married yet and we already have this type of disagreements. I mean, we are talking about it and communicating. But at the same time none of us wants to give in. Advice?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

ninaa1 −  Why are you marrying someone who you can’t talk with about money? He might be from a culture where men pay for everything but you appear to be from a culture where women are equals. Why does his culture “win” over yours? You need to figure this out before getting married.

ozperp −  If you can’t navigate this, you’re not ready to marry. How would you handle an unexpected pregnancy, infidelity or a disabled child, or the million challenges couples can face?

dllimport −  I mean thats a very extravagant honeymoon but if you have the cash already saved and you’re not planning to do it on credit that seems fine. It’s hard to tell sometimes with these posts if there’s more going on,

but if the only reason he doesn’t want to go is truly only because he’s a man and thinks he should pay for it all, I would consider if you really want to be in this marriage. I would not marry someone who thinks gender determines who can do what. That’s going to come up again, I guarantee it.

Sea_Marble −  Finances are one of the biggest reasons for couples to disagree. You need to work on your communication skills now. Does he expect to manage all the household funds when you get married?

Zitaora −  Marriage is a life full of situations like this, and you both need to learn how to compromise now because it doesn’t get magically easier after a wedding. Your way or the highway isn’t how a healthy marriage is conducted. Also, guess what one of the top reasons for divorce is (its money).

On that note, how are you two planning on splitting finances after marriage? You don’t need to answer me, its more of a rhetorical question that I’m asking because you two need to discuss and be on the same page about this before you tie the knot.

jastorpollux −  Hmm. But he has the big wedding his way, so why cant honeymoon be done your way… He should just let you chip in.

WeirdAl777 −  It only gets harder from here.

Twin2Turbo −  This is a prime example where enforcing gender roles becomes an unnecessary barrier to happiness

beekeeper1981 −  Are you aware of all cultural expectations he has that are non negotiable??

katkriss −  This does not bode well for your partnership.