My (f30) husband (m34) took my purse with him to work

A Reddit user recounts a troubling incident where her husband deliberately took her purse to work, seemingly as an act of retaliation after an argument. She’s left feeling confused, upset, and unsure of how to address this behavior. Read her story below.

‘ My (f30) husband (m34) took my purse with him to work’

I was about to head to the store when I realized my purse was missing. I checked everywhere, but it was nowhere to be found. Frustrated and confused, I texted my husband to see if he had seen it. His response left me stunned: he told me he had it and added, “Next time, don’t argue with me.”

A few nights ago, we had an argument, and now it seems this is his way of getting back at me. I’m furious and hurt. My purse has so many important things in it—my wallet, ID, cards, and other personal items—and it’s not just something I can shrug off.

I feel trapped. This feels controlling and manipulative, and it’s hard to believe he would go this far just because of an argument. I don’t know how to handle this situation or what to say to him. I feel like I’m losing trust in someone who is supposed to be my partner.

Have any of you dealt with something like this? Is this behavior a red flag, or am I overreacting? I could really use some advice right now on how to address this without escalating the situation.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

[Reddit User] −  I’m gonna take a shot in the dark and guess this isn’t the first time he’s “punished” you, is it?

[Reddit User] −  It is crazy, and immature, and abusive.

theskipster −  You really should see this as an enormous red flag. This is not even close to acceptable in any healthy relationship. This is the type of behavior seen in abusive relationships. This is one of those signs of abuse so clear that I’ll bet you money that this isn’t the only abusive behavior. Is this the only time that he has been controlling and wanting power over you? Is this the only time he has punished you for not behaving how he wants?

mommak2011 −  My ex husband used to take away my cards and take the car when I’d displease him, and not answer the phone in emergencies (we had an infant I was home alone with). He’d also change the bank account login. Then he’d gaslight me and say he didn’t change or take anything.

Next day, my cards would MYSTERIOUSLY be set ON TOP of the things in my diaper bag that I dumped out and tore through searching…and he’d say I must have missed them. The password would be set back and he’d say I must have been putting it in wrong. I was working on an escape plan the night I had him sent to jail for attacking me while I held our baby.

PLEASE, get out. Create a go-bag of things you would need in an urgent escape. Buy a new purse and keep the old one as a decoy so you have your important items when you need them. Get a prepaid phone for emergencies if you can. Google the SAFE hotline number, and keep the local police department number in your phone.

When you leave, call them and ask them to be with you while you get out. Ideally, you leave when he’s gone, but he could come back and you need police there for your safety. Trust me, they do this often and will not be upset or judgemental. Also, please message me if you need to talk.

8yrs later, I have PTSD but am remarried to a man without an angry bone in his body, who encourages me to chase my dreams and be independent, is selfless and supportive, and we have 3 additional children. Ex disappeared from son’s life 2yrs ago when he FINALLY realized he could not control me using him, and we moved too far for it to be convenient for him to try.

sharksarentsobad −  I’d ask for a police eacort to take me to his place of employment to pick up my purse. Then I’d cancel plans for the day and start contacting divorce attorneys.

[Reddit User] −  Yup this is crazy. It’s also childish. But most importantly: it is abusive. This is totally unacceptable behaviour–he is intimidating you into not disagreeing with him.

itsalwayssunny8088 −  You are being abused. That is why having your purse taken has made you feel so disoriented and violated. What he did is not at all okay. I’m sorry.

Jelly_Cleaver −  The next time he does this tell him you’ll report him to the police for intimidation and stolen property. He’s obviously going to think you’re bluffing because let’s be honest girl, he doesn’t have respect for you.

When he takes your purse again (he will), call his bluff and have the police escort you to collect your purse. If you don’t do this, this man is going to take away things from you that are way more valuable than a purse. Don’t mess around with pathological narcissists. You’ll lose EVERY TIME

ccemtp147102 −  This is a control issue. Your better then this! How long have you been married? He is toxic and an i**ot for doing that to you. I won’t go into my girlfriends purse even with her permission. That’s your personal space, just like your phone. Take control of this and don’t allow it to happen again

K-is-for-kryptonite −  Pack your bags, report your wallet as stolen and leave.

Healthy communication and mutual respect are the cornerstones of any relationship. This incident raises questions about boundaries and conflict resolution. How would you handle a situation like this? Share your thoughts and advice in the comments.