My [F28] MIL won’t take my kid’s [4] anaphylactic peanut allergy seriously

A Redditor (28F) is struggling with her MIL, who refuses to take her 4-year-old son’s severe peanut allergy seriously. The MIL dismisses medical advice, refuses to carry his epipen, and downplays the dangers, while the husband insists she’s overreacting. Now, the Redditor is considering only allowing supervised visits. Is she being too cautious, or is this a necessary step to protect her child? Read the full story below:

‘ My [F28] MIL won’t take my kid’s [4] anaphylactic peanut allergy seriously’

I’ve never really seen eye-to-eye with my MIL because she’s very strict and old fashioned, she’s like this with all of her grandchildren: she’ll do things like yell at them for not sitting up straight, elbows on table, etc… I understand that children need discipline, but I prefer a gentler approach with my son. I’ve asked her many times to not do that, but my husband insists I let it go, so I’ve tried to.

Until now. My son was officially diagnosed with a life threatening peanut allergy, and we have an epipen jr for him. She insists that when she was younger people “didn’t have allergies”, and if they did they would get rid of them via exposure and that I’m just babying him. I’ve explained to her that his allergy is very real and potentially deadly.

She has basically scoffed it off and the last time she came to pick him up, she took his epipen/fanny pack from around his waist and threw it on my driveway, saying she’s taken him for ice cream many times and nothing has ever happened, and he doesn’t “need it” with him.

I told him she could no longer take him and brought him inside, she left and called my husband, she cried to him saying I accused her of being an unfit grandmother. Which I admittedly did because my child’s safety is my priority and apparently not hers. Now my husband wants me to apologise to her.

He says she would take him to the hospital if he ingested peanuts and that I’m overreacting. I kindly explained to him that epipens save lives because anaphylaxis means your airways are narrowing, your breathing is becoming blocked, etc… and time is OF THE ESSENCE because it happens so quickly.

So, now my stance is.. no epipen = no taking my child anywhere. She’s even insisting on taking him to a baseball game, which tends to have a LOT of peanuts, everywhere. I asked that she find a peanut free zone which the stadium does offer, but she once again belittled the idea and insisted he would be fine.

I’m getting really tired of her treatment toward my son, and my husband has always been a Mama’s boy who thinks Mama can do no wrong and defends her endlessly. He says he turned out just fine being raised by her and I worry too much.

Would it be awful if I insist she only see him if I’m present? Am I completely unreasonable and overreacting? Is there anything else I can do so that they’ll understand the severity or at the very least take some more precautions?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

[Reddit User] −  Go make your husband read the r/justnomil post about the grandma who nearly killed her granddaughter with food containing allergens because she didn’t take the problem seriously. And if that doesn’t work, make him read the post about the woman who *did* kill her granddaughter with coconut oil when the child was allergic to coconuts.

And if *that* doesn’t work, demand counseling to sort through why he refuses to back you up when his child’s life is on the line, regardless of who’s threatening it. No epi-pen, no unsupervised outings. It really is as simple as that. And frankly, you’re being generous: I would make it no outings, period, until Grandma stops gambling with the kid’s life just to “prove she knows better” than you and the doctors.

GlitterAllie −  Your husband needs to grow a bleeding pair. Your son could die if his care is not taken seriously, and even an attack could scar him for life and do serious damage. I’d say, stick to your guns and communicate to your husband he’s being a poor father by trying to stay the golden son.

thetruthyoucanhandle −  I’m more concerned about your husband, does this d**bass understand that his kid could die quite easily from this.

[Reddit User] −  Yo, so I have a peanut allergy, and I just wanna provide the perspective that having an anaphylactic reaction *f**king HURTS* and I’m pretty sure I have some level of PTSD from the reactions that I had as a child. I cannot reiterate enough that it is *painful.*

My skin was on fire, headache like I had a knife through both eyes, body pleading for air that I couldn’t get. This is more than a “we will have to go to the hospital and have him fixed” problem, this is an “she will cause your child agony” problem. You’re not just protecting him from a clinical list of symptoms and consequences, you’re protecting him from suffering needlessly.

sofie-l −  Is there any way you could sit down with both of them and a doctor to explain why it’s so important he has it with him? It might be that she’s not taking it seriously because it’s coming from you as horrible as that sounds.

Either way you are not overreacting at all! This is your child’s life. The fact your husband is not in agreement with you is worrying. Your MIL might not even take him to the hospital even if he did react because apparently “exposure” is a cure 😩

Otherwise_Window −  When she was younger people did have allergies. They just died of them. She is an unfit grandmother. Your husband needs to decide whether he wants his mother to be happy or his child to be alive. It would be awful if you let her see him without you present and *he died*.. Seriously.

Your husband needs to choose between his mother’s will and his child’s life. And if he chooses his mother, then it turns out you need to choose between your marriage and your child’s life. Start documenting this now. Your mother-in-law’s behaviour, your husband’s insistence that it’ll be fine.

Explain to him that you love him, but if you have to choose between him and your son’s life then it’s your son, and if it does come to that? You’re going to need this documentation to ensure that he never, ever gets unsupervised access to your child, because unless he can take a stand against his mother, *he is a threat to your child’s life*.

[Reddit User] −  your husband is a straight up b**ch lol. intentions aside, your MIL is actively trying to put his 4 year old kid into life threatening situations *on purpose* and he’s more worried about his big scawwy mommy telling him off?

She *is* an unfit grandmother, and he is an unfit father. if there’s *one* thing a father is supposed to do, it’s to *protect their children.* to me, it’s as simple as this: they are trying to kill your infant child.. jesus christ.

lamestlauren −  You’re not at all overreacting. Your child’s life is more important than whatever your MIL believes. Until she understands how serious and life threatening something like that is, you should be with her.

If your husband doesn’t understand that it isn’t okay for a person with anaphylaxis to always have their epipen on them at all times no matter if they know they’re gonna be exposed to peanuts or not then you really need to talk to him. My brother has anaphylaxis and starts to have visible reactions to even smelling peanuts and his throat will start to be irritated. You get to be protective over his life until they get it.

enjoyoutdoors −  She cried to him saying I accused her of being an unfit grandmother. Well. That is exactly what she is. Unfit. Now my husband wants me to apologise to her. Because…he feels that his child is poorly diagnosed? If he questions your actions, he questions the diagnose. If he questions the diagnose, then I guess he too should never keep the epipen around.

Nuhuh. No apologise is going to happen unless he explains why he things his child’s life is not in danger. Would it be awful if I insist she only sees him if I’m present?
It wouldn’t be particular awful if you insist that she is not allowed to see him at all. So, no. Makes perfect sense. Am I being unreasonable and overreacting?

Nope. Assuming the diagnose is correct and your sons doctors have given you the right instructions on how to handle his allergy, *she* unreasonable. *She* is overreacting. Is there anything else I can do that they’ll understand the severity or at least take some more precautions?

Most people who see an epipen will automatically think that *”uh, s**t. this person is not messing around AT ALL. This really is a severe allergy.”* You know, since even pretty dumb people understand what an epipen is for. Why you have it. Why you need it. And that medical practitioners don’t really take lightly on their use.

If they can’t understand the severity based on that alone, then…you have a pretty difficult slope to climb, ignorance wise. You can sort of forbid her for being an ignorant i**ot who needs to be educated. But him? No. Why on earth is he still clueless about it all? What kind of parenting do you do in your home? This is all weird to me, really.

If it was just an allergy where your son would be a bit messy in his stomach for a few days, then I would say that sometimes it may be a good idea to test if the allergy is still there. Since it’s not severe enough that it really hurts to see if you can do without the considerations and s**t. But you don’t do that with something that affects *breathing*. Breathing is, you know, not optional.. EDIT: spelling and formatting

When it comes to a child’s health, is there ever such a thing as being too cautious? Should the MIL be given another chance, or is the Redditor right to put strict boundaries in place? Share your thoughts in the comments.