My f(27) and my fiance’s m(27) friends have tried to convince him to leave me due to my disability?

A Reddit user (female, 8 years in a relationship) is feeling heartbroken and insecure after learning that members of her shared friend group have been pressuring her fiancé to leave her due to her disability.

Despite her fiancé consistently reassuring her that he is happy and committed, the repeated manipulation from their friends is causing her to question her worth and place in the relationship. The user is seeking advice on how to handle the situation, whether to confront the friends or trust her fiancé’s reassurances.

‘ My f(27) and my fiance’s m(27) friends have tried to convince him to leave me due to my disability?’

Hi everyone, I’m feeling incredibly overwhelmed right now, so I’m going to try to keep this brief and get some clarity. I’ve been with my fiancé for 8 years, and we’ve been in a shared friendship group for most of that time. About three years ago, I developed a disability, which has significantly impacted my life, but I try to manage it the best I can.

Recently, I found out that three members of our friend group have been talking to my fiancé about leaving me. They’ve done this multiple times, and their reasons are always the same: my disability. They’ve told him that they don’t see the point in staying with someone who is disabled, and they even went as far as to tell him that they just want him to be happy,

implying that I can’t make him happy because of my condition. My fiancé has always reassured me that he is happy with me, and he has told them each time that it’s his decision to stay with me. He’s made it clear that he doesn’t want to leave. Despite all of this, the friends continue to push him, acting as though it’s totally normal for them to try to convince him to leave me.

What’s more, they’ve made comments about “wanting what’s best for both of us,” but it’s pretty clear to me that this isn’t actually what they want. If they truly had my best interests at heart, they wouldn’t be trying to break us apart because of something that’s out of my control. To be honest, I feel utterly heartbroken and confused.

I’ve often told my fiancé that I wouldn’t blame him if he ever felt like he couldn’t handle our relationship anymore because of my disability. But every time I say that, he assures me that he wants to stay, and that he’s happy with me. He doesn’t see my disability as something that would make our relationship impossible,

and he’s always been supportive. But now, knowing that our friends are pressuring him, I feel so worthless and insecure. It’s hard not to wonder if he’s just staying out of loyalty, and if he really means what he says. I’m struggling to understand if this behavior is normal. Is it really okay for them to try to manipulate him into leaving me because of something I can’t control?

And is it wrong for me to feel upset about it? I know that I should focus on my relationship with my fiancé, but this situation is really testing my emotional resilience, and I feel so isolated. Should I confront these friends or should I just continue to trust my fiancé and let it go?

I really need some perspective on this situation because it’s making me question everything, including my worth in this relationship. Thanks in advance for listening and for any advice you might have.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

bajithsasidharan −  If both you and your fiance are happy with each other, the rest of your friends can go f**k off. You guys are already engaged, and no one gets engaged on a whim. Your fiance’s got engaged to you because he values you.

Don’t let someone else make you miserable. Don’t let them dictate upon you or your fiance’s happiness.. Again congrats on your engagement. As for your friends, why are you still friends?

Elise_Adler −  I discovered that once I had accepted living with a chronic but manageable condition, one unexpected thing that started to change was my friends group. Some people can’t handle the changes that necessarily come with it.

It sounds like now might be a great time for you and your partner to seek out friends also living with a disability to create space in your life where you can continue to thrive and grow together, in a supportive atmosphere. This is an experience that I know is shared by other couples.

I have 2 friends that I’ve found by discussing my condition openly, who can relate and who also have families. The perspective I gain from them has been truly priceless to my own self confidence and by extension my romantic relationship.

[Reddit User] −  Oh, I would immediately cut them out of my life and suggest that he do the same. My fiancé isn’t disabled, but people have wanted me to leave him. People who push the issue get cut out of my life, no questions asked. Those people are not your friends, nor are they his friends.

As someone else here said, you WILL respect my relationship when you are in front of me. This is not normal behavior. It’s not normal behavior to intrude on the relationships of two happy adults. If he’s happy, and you’re happy, and there’s no sign of abuse or cheating or any other toxic issue – they can mind their darn business.

spotthj −  I have an inherited syndrome that causes me to be in the medical system for life. I need yearly surgeries, sometimes twice a year and the syndrome causes multiple types of cancers in which I’ve already overcome one. You know what, it doesn’t define me as a person or make me defective in any way. It’s just a part of my life.

My SO loves me because we are perfect for each other and make each other happy. If he is sitting in the hospital OR recovery with me making me laugh or I am grilling him a steak dinner and we are contentedly watching Netflix, it all comes down to he is my favorite person in the world and I am his.

His health and well-being are a priority for me, just like mine is for him. We are partners in taking care of each other. Your friends have no idea how fragile the human body is, but they’ll find out in time. They’re immature and hurtful. Y’all are great, let it roll of your back as time will render this advice of theirs moot.

CannibalBun −  Those arnt friends to either of you. I can see people being concerned at the start of your disability to make sure he knows its okay if he cant handle it and has to leave, but not after hes been comfortable with your disability for the last three years. Obviously, he knows and understands your disability and its not a deal breaker to him.

Those “friends” are just really s**tty people. FWIW, Im another disabled person with an abled partner and we’ve been together for 9 years and counting. Edit: For those users saying you have to give more information on your disease, thats bull. Whether its weight related, pain related, movement restriction related, verbally related, etc.

Your boyfriend has known about it and dealt with it with you for 3 years, and I would assume goes to your appointments with you or atleast knows enough about your disability that he understands it. That is all that matters.

He knows about it, he understands, and he is ok with it. Not everyone sees disabilities as deal breakers. You dont need to give more information to this thread if you dont want to, because it really wont change the advice responses you should be getting here.

Bangbangsmashsmash −  These ex friends are jerks. Do they think that he doesn’t know what he is doing? Like, telling him would make him say, “Oh my God!?! You’re kidding!! She has a disability???? What the hell was I thinking? Thank God you told me!”. What does your fiancée think??

[Reddit User] −  I know how you feel, OP. I’ve been through it myself with people telling my husband to leave me because of my disability. Just because I got drastically sicker around the time of the wedding, which we knew would happen at some point but not so soon. We cut those people off hard and fast and told them exactly why.

People think disabled people have no right to love and that we are inherently unworthy and incapable of affection, love, and relationships. I totally recommend you look up the hashtag #100outof100 on Twitter and Instagram. It’s nice to know you aren’t alone.

It’s hard to wrench free of internalized ableism (I’m nowhere near there yet!) and to see yourself as a person seperate from your disability and not just a burden when the world is telling you that’s what you are. Your friends are s**t and need to get in the f**king sea. Feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to ❤

Eta: also, people here can f**k off with demanding to know details of exactly what your disability is. People think disabled people owe them a f**king medical history and life story to explain why they deserve to be called disabled. I’m guessing you’re Aussie from you saying you’re on the DSP,

and I know how hard it is to be accepted for it- only about 29% of applicants are, and the process is one of the most stressful things I’ve ever gone through, even with a confirmed genetic disorder. So yeah, you don’t owe anyone here an explanation, and the fact people here are demanding details in order to judge you shows how disgusting society is to disabled people.

rtt234 −  Ohhh yeah they can get in the bin.

myanez93309 −  As a woman with a lifelong disability, I feel you have every right to be upset. I’ve had plenty of romantic relationships with men who haven’t used the disability against me or as a reason to not be with me. In the last year I’ve developed some more severe issues and my boyfriend has been my biggest supporter. None of our friends have told him that he should break up with me and he would tell them where to go if they did.