My (F25) husband (M30) says our house will never be mine. How do I move past this?

A Reddit user shared a troubling experience with her husband as they prepared to move into his family home. Despite her financial contributions to the mortgage and renovations.

Her husband declared that the house would never be hers and expressed concern over her potential rights in the event of a divorce. The user is hurt and unsure how to move forward while maintaining trust in their marriage. Read the original story below:

‘ My (F25) husband (M30) says our house will never be mine. How do I move past this?’

Me and my husband have been married for almost one year, and have been together for 7. I work a job in media while he works as a therapist of sorts.. we have been living in my inherited home that has been in my family for many years. Over the past few years, we have both agreed the house and the location is just not ideal.

With the housing market being what it is, we have sucked it up and continued to live here. Recently we were offered to purchase my husbands family home. It’s a good house that needs a lot of work but I am confident we can do what we need to for under $15,000 in renovations, so we are planning to move there and begin renovating!

We were both happy and excited until the other day when we were talking about it, out of nowhere he told me “I want you to know this house will never be yours. If we divorce or anything, you will have no right to live there anymore.” And I found this hurtful and odd. This was never a discussion in the years we have lived in our current home.

I would never plan on taking his family home if we were to separate, but it felt like a stab to the heart espacially when we are trying to have kids.. I told him “it would be a marital asset since I’m paying half the mortgage and half the renovations.

I would never fight you for the house but I don’t plan on getting divorced” – this made him very upset. He said he would rather not move in if there’s a chance a judge would determine I had any rights over the home. Was I wrong? How do I move past this with him?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Ihateyou1975 −  So from what I understand. It’s a family home BUT you are paying on the mortgage halfsies and paying to renovate? And he said no to you having ownership at all? Then hell nah.  He can purchase it on his own. Renovate it on his own. And you keep yours as a backup from this point forward.  Rent it out and YOU keep that income. 

RNGinx3 −  This is a huge red flag. He’s been living in your (paid off, I’m guessing) family home, you are about to *buy* his family home, together…and he doesn’t want you to have any ownership? Here’s what I would do:

1) **Don’t** sell your family home. Instead, rent it out (market being what it is) for side income. Do not add his name to the deed. Do not use any of the profits towards purchasing his family home. 2) Separate your finances, stat. Have a joint income where you each put in x percent of your paycheck for joint bills such as groceries, utilities, insurance etc.

3) Tell him you will agree his family home is 100% his on one condition: the entire purchase, including repairs, now needs to come out of his pocket, not yours, not the joint account, and you will not be paying mortgage. If he doesn’t agree, don’t move in. 4) Side-eye him. He’s shown you who he is. Depending on how he moves forward, this might be the end of the road for me.

Assiqtaq −  Keep this house in your own name and rent it out. You can tell him it is in case of a divorce you have somewhere to go. Do NOT use the money from this house to purchase that one. If it isn’t in your name, your money should not go into it.

SubstantialMaize6747 −  His statement is wildly unfair considering you’re a) married (so marital asset), and b) contributing significantly. If he wants a post-nup that’s not necessarily a bad thing, but his timing and phrasing is concerning… You need your own legal advice before you make any big decisions like this with this man.

Kathrynlena −  Do not pay a penny toward a house “that will never be yours.” Not one g**damn penny.

Mountain_Monitor_262 −  He just spelled it out for you that he will s**ew you over. Keep your house. Your house is your asset and basically your bank. Since the family home is his and not yours then it’s a no brainer that he spends his own money on it. You will be sorry if you give up your home.

misstiff1971 −  Do not buy this house with him or invest any money into it. He is already telling you it isn’t your house. He is not realizing that legally – unless he inherits the house or you sign your rights away – this is both of your’s home.

Diasies_inMyHair −  If “his family home” will never be “yours” then it can’t be “ours” either.  It needs to be “his.” Only “his” money pays for it. And don’t sell your home. Just rent it.

Overall-Scholar-4676 −  Keep your inherited home and let him do as he pleases with the other.. don’t put money toward his family’s home.. he’s a selfish j**k.. protect yourself..

Complete_Entry −  It’s the newest manosphere meta. And it’s s**t. Don’t put a dime in his parents’ house. Don’t pay the mortgage, don’t hang a single roll of wallpaper. Most importantly, Shelve the kids idea. He’s not an adult yet.

Financial and emotional contributions to a marital home often blur the lines between ownership and partnership. Do you think the husband’s insistence on exclusive ownership is reasonable, or does it undermine the foundation of trust and unity in their marriage? How would you handle this situation to balance fairness and security in a shared future? Share your thoughts below!