My (F23) boyfriend (M26)’s little brother creeps me out, but my boyfriend isn’t taking it seriously. I don’t know what to do?

A Redditor opened up about an unsettling situation involving her boyfriend’s 11-year-old brother, who recently moved in after a family crisis. Despite understanding the boy’s traumatic background, his behavior—constant staring, walking into private spaces unannounced.

And boundary-pushing actions like using shared devices for inappropriate content—has made her uncomfortable. Attempts to address her concerns with her boyfriend have been dismissed, leaving her feeling uneasy in her own home. Read the original story below…

‘ My (F23) boyfriend (M26)’s little brother creeps me out, but my boyfriend isn’t taking it seriously. I don’t know what to do?’

I (23F) have been with my boyfriend (26M) for almost three years, and we live together. Recently, his parents were arrested (I’d rather not go into the details), and as a result, his little brother (11M) has had to move in with us.

I understand the situation is complicated, and my boyfriend didn’t really have a choice – obviously, he couldn’t just leave his brother with nowhere to go. The thing is, I find his little brother creepy, and I feel horrible even saying that.

I know he’s a kid and he’s gone through a traumatic experience, but some of the things he does make me really uncomfortable. For instance, he stares at me a lot, like almost all the time when we’re in the same room. I’ll catch him just watching me, and it’s unsettling.

He also has this habit of walking into our bedroom without knocking, especially when my boyfriend is out. I’ve told him multiple times that he needs to knock, but he either ignores it or just doesn’t care. He will shower and use the bathroom with the door wide open, clearly so everyone can see him when walking past.

Even though I have told him he needs to keep the door closed when he’s in there. One time, I had just gotten out of the shower and was in my towel when I walked into the bedroom, and he was just standing there, staring at me. I asked him what he was doing, and he didn’t even answer, just kept staring before finally walking away.

I brought this up to my boyfriend, but he brushed it off, saying his brother is probably just adjusting to everything and doesn’t mean any harm. I lent him my laptop because he said he needed it for homework and when I got it back it was completely filled with porn, like he had downloaded porn, it was in the search history.

I told my boyfriend he needed to speak with him but my boyfriend says it’s normal for a boy his age. He just told me to clear the search history and delete what he downloaded. But he is not being normal, he is weirding me out and I feel bad even saying it.

I get that this kid is dealing with a lot – losing his parents like that is traumatic – but at the same time, I feel like my feelings are being dismissed. My boyfriend says I’m overreacting, but I honestly feel really uncomfortable in my own home now.

I even find myself avoiding being alone with his brother because it just feels weird. I don’t know if I am overreacting, like I understand giving some leeway because of everything that’s happened in his life, but he is really weirding me out. Any advice on how to handle this would be really appreciated.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

haleybearrr −  get a lock for the door, get that kid in therapy, and start discussing things like boundaries and healthy relationships, what they are, what they mean. close the door on him in the bathroom, and eventually it will click.

he’s probably not talking cause he just went through some hellish trauma. allow yourself, your boyfriend, and the brother some grace for this adjustment period. you could also consider living separately for a while if it’s in your best interest. just take care of yourself. and you got this.

isThisTheNewTrend −  This kid sounds like he really needs therapy, this is way beyond what you should be getting advice online for. I know he’s just a kid now, but what about a few years from now??

This behavior is not normal- none of what you describe is even close to normal for a boy his age. Therapy (and it might take a while to find a good therapist) is really your only option.

GuyWhoKnowsMoreThanU −  This kid has SERIOUS issues and needs to be in therapy, like now. It’s SUPER concerning that your BF isn’t taking it seriously AND is dismissing your feelings. He’s undoubtedly feeling really o**rwhelmed right now, but that’s no reason to put so much of this on you.

IMO you need to put your foot down and tell your BF that if he won’t take it seriously and get his brother help that you don’t feel safe and comfortable in the home & you’re leaving. Make it CLEAR you’re not saying “it’s me or your brother,” it’s “everyone’s mental health.”

SheBeeMe −  I’m not sure anyone has mentioned this yet, but some of his behaviors indicate s**ual trauma or child abuse. Being hypersexual, doing age inappropriate things, not understanding physical boundaries,

and seeking porn at 11 years of age are all indicators that this child has witnessed, experienced, or been exposed to things that were inappropriate. Your boyfriend may be jaded because he came from the same household, but he better wake up, get his head screwed on straight, and take this seriously.

Allowing an 11 year old to knowingly have access to porn is considered s**ual abuse and child endangerment in some places. I understand your feelings. They’re valid. Something is off with this child.

However, before you jump straight to fearing him, try to put his behavior into perspective and look at things from a different point of view.
Your boyfriend took guardianship of him. He needs to start acting like a guardian and start talking to his brother like an adult talks to a child.

This child needs boundaries, and he needs to know that his behavior is unacceptable. Your boyfriend needs to tell him that when he uses the restroom or showers, the door remains closed. He needs to know its unacceptable behavior to search for porn.

If he can’t be trusted with the computer, he will not be allowed to use the computer or will only be permitted to do so under one of your supervision. This child needs therapy ASAP.

You and your boyfriend need guidance and assistance. If DCS or a similar agency is involved, reach out and ask for help for this child and ask what you can do to get him help.

anomaly-me −  He’s trying to walk on you n**ed. Both ways. And purposely downloading porn on your laptop. His brother needs to man up and have the talk.

firefly232 −  So if the parents were arrested, were social services involved, or perhaps a police liason office? I think the first step is to see if it is possible for the child to get therapy. It is absolutely not normal for an 11 yo to download tons of porn onto a laptop he knows he is borrowing

It is not ok and honestly this, plus his other behaviours is quite worrying. Do you have pets? Do you have somewhere else you can stay, if you needed to? It sounds like your boyfriend is ignoring your concerns, and this is not OK.

What I’d suggest is you have one sit down conversation with him, express your concerns, talk about the need for him and his brother to get therapy to process what has happened. Talk about how the porn viewing is not normal for an 11 to boy, and that he should talk to him about it.

Talk about the need to have some boundaries and privacy (in the bedroom). See how your boyfriend reacts to this. If he downplay your concerns, doesn’t listen to you, gaslight you by saying things didn’t happen etc, then make plans to move out. I know, this sounds extreme. But otherwise you’d be living with two brothers who don’t listen to you.

Maleficent-Bottle674 −  Stop living together. When this escalate your boyfriend will not protect you and will be more concerned about his brother avoiding consequences. In the meantime. Call out the behavior. He stares. Ask him why is staring at you.

He’s there at your door. Ask him why. Also get cameras. I find boys and men love to operate under the guise of secret or misunderstanding. They don’t want their s**tty behavior made public. A recording is proof.

lovelyzuko −  Honestly your feelings aren’t being taken seriously your boyfriend isn’t listening to u and u feel very uncomfortable so I suggest taking some time away or telling your boyfriend to take his brother to a therapist or he needs to leave.

[Reddit User] −  Oh f**k no. It’s the dismissive behavior that gets to me. Sure, maybe the younger brother isn’t actually a c**ep, but even if he wasn’t,

it’s his brother’s responsibility to actuallty pay attention to what’s going on with him and what you’re saying out of concern for you AND his little brother. If something happens with his brother due to his negligence, it’ll be “i didnt see the signs”.

coccopuffs606 −  Honestly, you need to move out. This kid is seriously disturbed and needs to be in therapy, but your boyfriend isn’t taking it seriously.

His behavior will continue to escalate as long as it’s not put in check. Tell your boyfriend it’s because he needs to focus on helping his brother right now, and you can’t be caught in the middle of it.

How would you navigate a situation like this? Do you think her concerns are valid, and what steps could she take to reestablish boundaries in her home? Share your thoughts below!