My( F 21) fiancé’s (M 23) best man just told my fiancé he hates me!?

A Redditor (21F) is devastated after learning that her fiancé’s (23M) best man, Liam, suddenly revealed that he hates her. Liam had previously seemed like a supportive friend, excited for their wedding, but now claims that the Redditor has been holding a grudge and treating him poorly.

This revelation has left the couple heartbroken and confused, especially with their wedding just a month away. The Redditor doesn’t want to make Liam uncomfortable but also doesn’t want him to attend if he doesn’t care about the event. What should they do? Keep reading to find out how the situation unfolds.

‘ My( F 21) fiancé’s (M 23) best man just told my fiancé he hates me!?’

So long story short… My fiancé’s best man (we’ll call him Liam) recently told my fiancé that he hates me. Liam hasn’t said much about why he doesn’t like me other than the fact that i’m supposedly holding a grudge over him, treat him like s**t and don’t talk to him.

For me personally i have loved this guy! I thought he was a great best friend to my fiancé, we’ve all been on trips together, he was super excited for us to get married and even posted on social media and privately expressed to us how proud he was to be apart of our wedding when my fiancé asked him to be his best man.

It honestly came as a shock to me and my fiancé to find out Liam can’t stand me, it was very out of the blue… Liam told my fiancé he would still come to the wedding if that’s what my fiancé wanted but made it very clear he would only be there for him and not us. There has been no incidents that i’m aware of that could cause this to happen.

I’m honestly torn up and have been feeling an all time low. It sucks to find out that someone i love and care about has secretly hated me. Oh and not to mention , our wedding is a month out! What do i do?

I know for sure i want him there because no matter what i still have love for the guy, but i don’t want to make liam feel awkward and be apart of something he supposedly doesn’t care about…

TL;DR : My fiancé’s best man said he hated me out of the blue and i have no idea what to do.

Edit: I’m getting a lot of….

1. How does my fiancé feel?.

2. I’m withholding information

3. That this is a the similar“Love Actually” (Never seen the movie, will definitely be checking it out now)

4. We’re too young and this is high school drama

5. Lack of info about Liams status in personal relationship and where my fiancé stands in the friend group.

My fiancé is crushed. He feels that if Liam was able to do secretly hide this , what else could he have been lying about and or if he really believes Liam when he said this stuff. He is crushed for me as well because he knows how close me and best man were.

The information i was given about this convo was very reliable. This conversation happened via text between the two of them and i have read the whole conversation. I know texting can be very misleading , if just having trouble knowing that he was saying such and such about me and we have no idea why.

Yes, we are young. I know this and so does my Fiancé. We’ve been together since i was 16 , almost 17 and have never questioned one another when it came to our feelings for one another. We have had the support of each other’s families and friends through this whole relationship, including Liam , which is why this was a shock.

Regarding this being a drama situation due to us being young, this has been the first hiccup, a shocking one which is why we didn’t know how to handle it. This happened two days ago and my fiancé messaged him yesterday about meeting up and talking in person and he got no response, my fiancé took it as Liam maybe needed time or that Liam might’ve have realized what he said was out of the blue and doesn’t know what to say now.

Liam is single, had been for a long time. No actual serious relationships. My fiancé is the first one in the friend group to be getting married so i found the advice about that maybe being and issue to be very helpful.

To wrap it up, I have not yet contacted Liam because he won’t even reach back out my fiancé. I feel hurt and i feel awful for my fiancé. I agree, something does seem fishy and i’m wondering what it could be, so wanting to have answers is definitely heavy on my mind. Thank you to everyone who have reached out so far and given there advice, we both very much appreciate it.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

False-Guess −  I’m going to disagree with others on Liam being gay, and it rubs me the wrong way that so many people are jumping to that conclusion without any evidence. Sometimes men don’t like women and they can hate a particular woman without being gay.

He could, as some others have suggested, simply be jealous (still straight) and worried that his friend getting married means a radical change in their friendship. Maybe he is really feeling apprehension and isn’t putting the right word to it.

That being said, how do you know this isn’t just a misunderstanding? Sometimes people just have such radically different personalities that behavior that one person might consider endearing or affectionate, another might consider as obnoxious.

If it were me personally, I’d reach out to Liam myself and try to clear the air and let him know that you really liked him and finding this out was upsetting to you. Not to blame him, but just maybe to find out whether there wasn’t some kind of misunderstanding.

If he genuinely hates you and has been lying to your face this whole time, tbh is it really appropriate for him to attend your wedding? I wouldn’t feel comfortable with him there if I were in your position, because I may be preoccupied with him rather than focusing on the important occasion

mahtrowaway −  …and what does your fiance think about all of this?

[Reddit User] −  Kind of a different take… They say not to air your dirty laundry. Is Liam the person your fiancé goes to when things are tough between you? After a fight or argument? It’s easy for us to vent (even about minor things) to our best friends, and it sounds like Liam could be this person for your fiancé. If this is the case, Liam could have a skewed perception of you based on fiancé’s comments.

Your first move should be talking to fiancé to get his take on why Liam could possibly feel the way he does. The problem could be there. Regardless, also ho straight to the source and chat with Liam.

bipolar-butterfly −  Is your fiance the first of his friend group to get married? This happens a lot when the guy and his friends freshly out of college. Liam’s probably just freaking out that you guys really are growing into adults, and the “fun and freedom of college” is gone now.

You guys are getting more adult jobs, dating starts becoming more serious and a lot of couples start trying for kids after marriage. If Liam hasn’t had great luck in relationships, academic achievement or is having a hard time job wise this would make total sense. He’s insecure, immature, and scared.

This is the time in your life where those school friendships just fizzle out, and he’s lashing out because to him none of this would be happening if he wasn’t marrying you. Or he’s just a douchebag. Either way, the best thing to do would be sit him down with your fiance and tell him your feelings. That you value him as a friend and him saying these things really hurt

[Reddit User] −  This post is a red flag for me. People don’t typically just bail on weddings without good reason and they also don’t just decide to secretly hate someone. The lack of details in the post reminds me a lot of an article I read about how abusive estranged parents post on forums: they seem to lack any and all details and default to “I have no idea! Everything was fine and then they stormed out and left.”

Compared to the adult child’s recall which is extremely detailed and involves many stories to recap the entire situation. So when someone brings up issues like op here, in a very casual “I have no idea, I thought everything was great” manner paired with describing the other persons actions as so severe (dropping out of a wedding, cutting off contact, etc) I see this as a major red flag.

If your fiancé’s friend hates you, there’s likely a situation or two that you need to be honest with yourself about. We aren’t getting the full story here. It’s not just the lack of details but also the seemingly lack of pursuit to find the reason. If Liam told your fiancé this, he definitely had examples.

If your fiancé told you what Liam said and didn’t provide examples or specifics, I would be very involved in trying to find out how I upset this person and what I could do to make it right, if it was valid. So the fact that you haven’t done any of that is also a bit off. I’m sorry I don’t mean to attack you at all, but sometimes we need honestly and reality. Based off of this, it looks manipulative on your part to get validation from outsiders instead of real advice about a situation.

[Reddit User] −  Sounds like a Liam issue tbh. There were no major incidents, he was friendly, he “hates” you because now you’re going to get married and that’s serious serious. So it might be the marriage that he hates, not you personally. Why? Gotta ask him.

Homebrand_Exercise −  As others have said maybe Liam is gay and has feelings for your fiance. Or it could be jealousy, in that Liam can’t stand the thought that your fiance is getting married because that means a change in priorities. And those priorities would be you and the family unit that you and your fiance build. In regards to Liam I am curious with a few things:

. Is he currently in a relationship?

. What is the relationship dynamic between him and your fiance? Do they hang out a lot?

. Does Liam have a focus in his life? Like a job or hobbies that don’t involve your fiance?

My gut feeling is telling me that Liam is jealous. That now fiance is marrying you it means less time for Liam. I’ve seen something similar with a friend of a friend who was getting married and his best friend was not happy, would badmouth his future wife and started mocking his best friend calling him “whipped” and would say stuff like enjoy a life of misery.

Turns out best friend couldn’t stand that his friend was growing up and changing priorities where as best friend wanted things to continue as is, with boys nights, drinking and playing video games at all hours and having his friend drop everything he was doing to cater to him. Basically best friend couldn’t stand not being number one priority in his friend’s life.

Mind you friend who got married made adequate time to hang out with friends it just wasn’t as much as d**che-bag best friend wanted. Point being sometimes a friend group has that one friend who refuses to grow up and can’t stand to see their friends grow up, change priorities and going forward with their lives. That could be the case with Liam. If i was you I would arrange to talk to Liam with both you and your fiance present to get to the bottom of why he is badmouthing you.

FrostVanguard −  He’s either projecting something or you’re not self-aware to spot what you did wrong. I don’t know the full story so just talk to your fiance about this.

TipsyMagpie −  I’m surprised so many people are saying he must have a crush on the husband to be. I think it’s just as likely he’s got a crush on OP and isn’t handling it well as their wedding approaches, and he’s convinced himself he doesn’t even like her as a kind of self-preservation. Maybe he feels like he’s losing his friend with your upcoming marriage.

Either way, OP, he may be your fiancé’s best friend, but you shouldn’t have people standing up for you who aren’t there to celebrate your marriage. Talk to your fiancé and see if you can get to the bottom of what’s causing this. Maybe it’s a misunderstanding that he’s been stewing over, and you can sort it, but if not…

do you really want to look over as you say your vows and see him watching you, knowing his feelings? Do you trust him to give a kind and supportive speech? Will he encourage your fiancé to cheat at the bachelor party or be suggesting he not go ahead with the wedding? This has the potential to get really messy.

LiesBuried −  Are you sure that Liam said this and that your fiancé isn’t just saying this because he possibly has cold feet and is looking to make you uncomfortable and question you guys getting married? That’s a weird thing for Liam to tell your fiance randomly with no reasoning behind it.

What was your fiancé response to Liam when Liam expressed his feelings about you? Could Liam be dealing with any mental health or emotional issues right now and feels like his friend isn’t gonna be there and is sorta lashing out? Talk to Liam directly and stop the guessing game.

This situation raises some tough questions about loyalty, trust, and communication in relationships. The Redditor’s predicament highlights the complexities of friendships and how misunderstandings or hidden resentments can shake the foundation of even close bonds. Should they confront Liam directly, or is it better to leave it alone? With the wedding looming, what’s the best course of action to handle the emotional fallout without creating more tension? Share your thoughts in the comments.