My Ex-husband (M/28) is trying to steal my (F/26) family! How to proceed?

A 26-year-old woman is struggling with her ex-husband maintaining a close relationship with her family, despite their abusive past and her efforts to move on by relocating overseas

The situation escalated when her ex introduced his new girlfriend to her family, leaving her feeling excluded and frustrated. She wants her family to understand her pain and set boundaries but is unsure how to proceed. Read the full story below:

‘ My Ex-husband (M/28) is trying to steal my (F/26) family! How to proceed?’

My ex-husband, Jason, is trying to take my place in my family. For some background, Jason and I broke up almost 4 years ago due to abuse in the relationship on his part. After we broke up he remained in contact with my family. Doing things like coming around for family dinners and joining us during holidays.

A few months after our break up we still lived together as we had a lease. However as soon as I could, I not only left house but move to a whole new country to get away from the situation, I was able to land a great job overseas. Since then he continued to get closer and closer with my family. I tried not to let it bother me but it did.

This weekend everything came to a head when he decided to introduce his new girlfriend to my family. He is trying to bring her around them so she will be welcome in their house. I tried telling my family how uncomfortable this makes me feel. I told them not only is he my a**sive ex husband but he is not their son.

I really want them to support me and recognize how badly Jason hurt me during our marriage. They told me I’m being dramatic and to get over it. I have put up with so much in terms of them keeping a relationship with him. However, the fact that Jason’s new girlfriend, who is 21 by the way, will be spending more time with my family than me is infuriating.

I’m not sure what I can do to have my point come across for them to realize this isn’t appropriate. If they want to have a connection with Jason I won’t stop them but basically having him around as family has really pushed the limit for me.

Any ideas on what I can do about this situation? It’s ruining my holiday season knowing this random woman and my Ex will be spending Christmas with MY family and I will not be. Also to clarify, I have absolutely no romantic feelings for Jason.

The reason him bringing his new girlfriend around irritates me is because I feel like that’s something you do with your own family. From what I’ve heard Jason’s family hasn’t even met his girlfriend yet but my family has. I can add additional calcification if needed.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

[Reddit User] −  This random woman and Jason are spending Christmas with your family because you family wants them to spend Christmas with them. The reality of your situation is that you don’t have just an a**sive ex. You also have a s**tty family and they actually might be the reason you ended up with your ex in the first place.

Being away from your family for Christmas sucks, but at least, you know where you stand with those people who do not give a s**t about you at all. Better alone than with assholes. They made a choice.

Now you get to make one: either stay in touch and let them walk all over you, or tell them to go f**k themselves and live your life for yourself. Let me tell you this though : those people are not worth your time or the stress you’re putting yourself under. S**ew all of those assholes.

ICQAhatesEveryone −  Their response to you being uncomfortable is wild. I would be cutting off my family. No contact.

Choice-Intention-926 −  He is continuing his cycle of abuse, and your family is aiding him in that. If they know he abused you and still had him around then they were condoning it, and assisting in his abuse after the fact. The only thing you can do with abusers is cut them out of your life. That includes your family.

Mysterious_Win_2051 −  This is actually a form of abuse on your ex’s behalf. Instead of moving on he is inserting himself in your circle/family in order to make you feel uncomfortable. On top of that he is bringing in another woman. This man is toxic af and I’m not sure who this girl is but she must be Betty naive to even deal with this.

FitzDesign −  So my tactic would be slightly different the just cutting them off OP. I would create a group chat with every single member of the family and extended family and included friends an and acquaintances of the family. I would then detail the abuse that you suffered at the hands of your ex and how your family has supported and continues to support him.

Be nice and detailed so that the extended family and others get the full picture. I would state that you will go full no contact with your family and anyone who supports your ex unless a series of conditions are met. I would hit send, get my popcorn and then watch the monkeys scramble.

flitterbug33 −  Send out a group text with exactly what he did to you to remind them of his behavior. Let them know how you feel in writing so they can’t shrug it off. If they truly loved you and had your back they wouldn’t be doing this to you.

And then tell them that since they are still allowing your abuser in their lives after his treatment of you then you are going no contact for 6 months to allow you some space to try to recover from their betrayal of you.

Then block every single one of them. They can’t guilt trip you if they are blocked and STICK TO IT. There has to be consequences. Then reevaluate in 6 months. As your family has proven to you, blood does not make you family. Go make your new family.

OkLocksmith2064 −  Girl, you live thousands of miles away. What do you care? Do they visit you? No. Do they call all the time and tell you how much they miss you? No. Get a new partner or a new family, cause your ex, his gf and your family s**k.

Wise_Monitor_Lizard −  You told them he was abusing you. They ignored you and told you to get over it. So get over it by going NC with them. Make your own family and never look back. You deserve better.

Own_Can_3495 −  Hun. Thats just your bio family, not real family. Sometimes family are those you make/find yourself. Hes getting a rise out of you, and he knows it. You moved counties yes? Stay away. Find your own people. Its hard but worth it. Thats not your family. They died the moment they continued to support your abuser.

Its okay to grieve, to grieve for the perception, hopes and dreams of your family. Sadly, they aren’t who you thought they were. Pity the kid. Shes being brought to her boyfriends ex in laws house. How uncomfortable. Hes chosen a child because shes easier to cotrol. He will abuse her too.

Sweet_Justice_ −  I would go no contact with them over this… they have shown you absolutely no respect, don’t give them a moment more of your time.

This situation highlights the complexities of familial loyalty and personal boundaries. Should the family respect her feelings and limit their relationship with her ex, or are they justified in maintaining their own connections? How would you approach a similar situation with your family? Share your thoughts below!