My daughter’s friend (both 12y/o) stole her expensive pants – not sure how to handle the situation?

A family has noticed that their daughter Laura’s $100 lululemon pants went missing after a visit from her friend Carol. After discovering that Carol was wearing the pants and that the logo had been cut out, the family is unsure how to handle the situation.

They’ve already contacted Carol’s mother, but have not received a resolution. With a family dinner planned, they are unsure whether to address the issue directly or let it go to avoid tension.

‘ My daughter’s friend (both 12y/o) stole her expensive pants – not sure how to handle the situation?’

We’ve been friends with the Smiths for years. Our daughters, Laura and Carol, are both 12, and they get along great, so we’ve always trusted their relationship. But recently, something happened that has left us feeling uncomfortable and unsure about how to handle it.

A few weeks ago, we had Carol over to swim with Laura. Before going in the pool, the girls hung out in Laura’s room. At one point, Carol was looking through Laura’s dresser and commented on a pair of lululemon pants Laura had recently gotten as a special gift.

Laura was excited about them since they were a special back-to-school/birthday treat, costing about $100. Carol seemed interested but eventually put them back, and the girls went out to swim. Later, Carol left her bag in Laura’s room. When it was time to leave, she grabbed it and went home.

The next day, Laura panicked when she couldn’t find her pants. She searched everywhere but had no luck. We didn’t want to jump to conclusions, so my wife called Carol’s mom, gently asking if Carol had accidentally mixed up the pants with her own clothes.

Carol’s mom said she asked Carol, but she denied having them. A few weeks passed, and still no sign of the pants. Then, Laura saw Carol wearing what looked like her lululemon pants at school. The pants had a distinct logo and design, and Laura asked Carol about them.

Carol seemed uncomfortable and tried to hide the logo. Later, Laura’s friend Sarah noticed that the logo had been cut out of the pants, which confirmed Laura’s suspicion. After discussing it, my wife called Carol’s mom again, explaining what Laura had seen.

Carol’s mom casually said she’d check and get back to us, but we’ve heard nothing since. Now, we’re unsure what to do. Do we wait longer, or should we be more direct? We’ve already planned a dinner with their family this Friday, and we’re unsure how to handle it if they don’t bring up the pants.

We don’t want to let this slide, but we also don’t want to create unnecessary tension between our families. What’s the best way to approach this situation?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

one_bean_hahahaha −  You know what happened. Your daughter knows what happened. However, unless you can prove it or Carol confesses, you are not likely to get them or the replacement cost back. And would you want them back if she’s cut the logo out and damaged the pants?

So, moving forward, Carol is no longer welcome in your home. This might mean meeting your friends elsewhere, but most likely, this is going to harm that friendship.

Even if Carol and her mom swear up and down she didn’t steal the pants, you know she did. It is a good lesson for Laura that she doesn’t have to put up with abuse from friends.

SnuSnu02 −  I’d honestly be ready for the friendship to end because I would cancel the dinner and tell them that you are uncomfortable having people over after your daughter’s belongings were stolen.

wordsmythy −  Wow, this is tough. I’d call today, or have your wife call if she’s more comfortable, And say, hey, did you have a chance to talk to Carol yet?”
Here’s the thing. Mom must’ve seen the pants on Carol when she came home, or even when she left for school.

She knows she didn’t buy her a pair of $100 Lulemons. So if she says “Carol doesn’t know anything about it…” that’s when you have to step it up. You say, “Well, Carol’s mom, did you SEE the pants she was wearing? If not, did you check her backpack?

Because several people saw her in an identical pair of Lulemons, and then later after she was confronted, she’d cut off the logo. I am sorry to say this, but we are certain that Carol took Laura’s pants without asking.” This is a big deal. You guys have done nothing wrong.

And if Carol’s parents won’t hold her accountable, you should not let it go. I’d rescind the invitation. “This is a problem. I feel for you as a parent, but we can’t have a kid we can’t trust in our home, especially if her parents are enabling her and won’t hold her accountable.”

Hopefully, Carol’s mom is just reeling from this very unsavory new development, and will deal with it appropriately when she gets a minute to collect her thoughts. I hope she’s not like some of today’s parents who refuse to admit there’s a problem with their kids.

Comfortable-daze −  Carol would not be allowed back in my home until the pants are returned/replaced. Sucks for the kids, but I would rather my kid lose a friendship than enable a t**ef.

NaturesCreditCard −  Basically this comes down to you and Laura knowing that Carol stole her pants, but since the evidence is all circumstantial, anything you say to Carol’s mother is just going to get her on the back foot. Especially because it looks like she’s not interested in entertaining the implication that Carol could do anything wrong.

Honestly? I’d cancel the dinner on Friday with some made up excuse and start slowly breaking off the friendship with the Smiths. If they’re ok with their daughter stealing, or they’re not willing to believe it despite the evidence in front of them, are they really people you want to be friends with?

Alibeee64 −  Does Carol have a history of “borrowing” things? You mentioned she was wearing a friend’s Crocs. Did the friend get those back? Would it be worth checking with other friends” parents to see if things have gone missing from them as well?

Perhaps if there are more things missing, the parents may take a bit more seriously. I’d also call Carol’s parents back and ask again. They’re probably hoping you’ll let it go, but I don’t think you should, because it will just encourage to do other more, especially if it appears her parents are okay with it.

No_Collar2826 −  Either you or your wife need to call Carol’s mom directly: We were hoping to hear from you about the pants. We are confident that Carol stole them from Laura, lied about it, and has now cut out the logo, destroying the value of the pants.

I’m getting the sense from you that you are believing whatever Carol’s story about this is. Unfortunately, without Carol coming clean and apologizing and compensating Laura for the pants, we can’t have you over again.” She’ll say whatever she is going to say, and that will likely be the end of the friendship. The mom’s initial reaction is really unfortunate.

PanicSwtchd −  I’d talk to Laura and see how she feels about the situation around Dinner on Friday and follow her cues. If she’s uncomfortable, I’d just call off the dinner now. Just tell Carol’s parents that since there hasn’t really been a resolution with this pants situation,

and how Laura and her friends are convinced Carol has taken Laura’s pants without permission and then lied about it, we’re not convinced it’s a good idea to have Carol and Laura forced into close proximity during the dinner on Friday as it would be highly uncomfortable for both of them.

I would contend with the way her mother brushed it aside so quickly…this has 100% happened before.

Cerealkiller4321 −  Your daughter and her friends need to be weary of carol. She should not invite carol over ever again. Carol is going to find herself excluded from groups and events because she’s a t**ef.

Your daughter is owed NEW pants. Not these ripped up ones that carol butchered. Cancel the dinner. The mother not handling it shows the type of family this is.