My dad’s (43) girlfriend is trying to get rid of me (15 f).

A Reddit user (15F) shares the emotional struggle of feeling pushed out by her dad’s girlfriend, who is seemingly trying to erase her presence in their home. After her mom’s passing five years ago, the user has taken on adult responsibilities, and her dad’s new relationship is bringing about painful changes.

The user’s cherished Christmas tradition was disrupted, and her dad dismisses her feelings as childish. Things worsen when she overhears the girlfriend speaking cruelly about her, which leaves her questioning her place in her dad’s life. She’s torn between staying and leaving for her own well-being. Read the original story below…

‘ My dad’s (43) girlfriend is trying to get rid of me (15 f).’

My mom passed away 5 years ago and I think of her every day. My dad went through a really bad depression and I had to take care of myself basically. During the Christmas holidays my dad told me that he had been seeing someone for a while. I noticed that he was happier and I guess I was happy for him. I didn’t want him to be lonely forever but I did feel like my mom was being erased completely.

He never wanted to talk about her and he got rid of all pictures with her in them. He said that his gf will be spending Christmas with us and then moving in. I wasn’t happy at all. I don’t even know her but I didn’t say anything. I met her on Christmas and usually my dad and I put the star on the tree that day. We would put the star on the tree and watch the grinch.

It’s our tradition and we kept it even when we were grieving my mom. It’s the only tradition from when she was with us that we actually kept. When his girlfriend came over he put the star on with her while I was in the bathroom. Also we didn’t watch the grinch because she hates it. I know I sound spoiled and childish but I was so angry.

We’ve been doing this my whole life and she just came in and destroyed it. The whole night she didn’t even bother getting to know me at all. She was all over my dad and pretty much ignored me. I told my dad about how upset I was about our tradition and he said I should grow up and that things change.

I didn’t like her because she gave me a bad feeling so I never got close to her. She complained to my dad about it and he got mad at me for not making her feel welcomed. I felt bad because she makes my dad really happy so I tried being more friendly with her.

In front of my dad she was nice to me but when we were alone she ignored me or spoke to me with attitude. She even told me that I was a b**t and I make my dad’s life harder. I told him but he didn’t believe me and yelled at me for trying to sabotage his relationship. He said that I wanted him to die alone and be sad and that I was selfish.

I was so shocked because none of it is true. My dad basically treated me like I wasn’t there at all after that. I felt like I did when my mom died, all alone. I stayed up really late one night because I just couldn’t sleep and wanted to sneak in a midnight snack. The gf was in the kitchen on facetime so I decided to be nosey and listen.

She was talking about my dad and how much she loves him. Then she said that he had “this dumb daughter” and she wondered if it was too late for adoption. Her and her friend laughed at that. She said that I was a little b*tch and she hated me. Her friend then said something about boarding school or military school but I left so I didn’t hear the rest.

I was so exhausted from all the crying I did so I actually slept. I didn’t tell my dad and I don’t even know if I should since he probably won’t believe me. I really miss my mom. I kinda want to go live with my grandparents (mom’s parents) now but I don’t want my dad to think that I’m leaving him. What do I do? Can I even do anything? How do I get my dad to listen to me? Would I be wrong for leaving?

This update: UPDATE: My dad’s (43) girlfriend is trying to get rid of me (15 f).

See what others had to share with OP:

crunchyp34nut −  I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Unfortunately your dad has blinders on right now and anything you say with either fall on deaf ears or his girlfriend will spin it so she’s the victim. Your dad is making all the wrong moves with introducing a new girlfriend to you aside of picking a bad girlfriend in the first place.

This relationship will have to take its course for a while. Don’t feel bad about reaching out to your grandparents and seeing if you can live with them. Your dad is making selfish choices recently and you’re the only one you can rely on to look out for you right now. Let his girlfriend have him. She’ll show her true colors soon enough once they live together day to day. Once she doesn’t have you to be ugly to she’ll take it out on him.

[Reddit User] −  Go to your grandparents, You can’t leave someone who has already left. and emotionally that is what he’s done. Once you are safely away at your grandparents, if he complains, wants an explanation, or anything at all, just send him a link to this post. Its hard to argue with the written word

If he tells you its untrue or tries to argue your accounting, tell him you won’t talk to him if he’s just going to undermine your feelings or insinuate that you’re a liar, and that you will not be accused of trying to ruin his happiness, that that was an extremely cruel thing for him to say. And you do not deserve his cruelty. So go be happy Dad, no ones trying to stop you

Then focus on you kiddo, get settled with the grandparents, reminisce about your mom, take the time you need to heal, ask your grandparents if you can have counselling, you might not feel you need it, but sometimes its just nice to talk to someone who understands but isn’t emotionally biased one way or the other, and it can help you work through your own feelings and give you tools to deal with things like conflict and guilt.

Give your dad time to chew over what you told him, I wish I could tell you everything will work out fine but theres no guarantees in life. All the more reason you must Must take care of yourself and do whats in your best interests, and staying with Dad is not likely in your best interests,

He’s putting his relationship ahead of you, So you need to put yourself ahead of His choices. So sorry kiddo you’ve had a hard go of it, be gentle with yourself, None of what is happening is on you, Regardless of what your Dad, or his sneaky ass girlfriend want to imply.

MajorNut −  You should live with your grandparents. Sadly in part because of his grief has latched on to someone and in doing this has forgotten his responsibilities to you. So yes he has picked her over you. Few things you can do is record how she behaves around you just to show him. That you aren’t out to break them up.

I would talk to your grandparents and find out if they are willing to take you. Then bring this up to your dad. You sadly maybe stuck there for a few years more. I do suggest to avoid her. The less contact the better. Do not compete with her for your dads affections.

You will lose sadly. Don’t try to stick it to her in anyway. She can make you life worse and in the end your dad favor her. You are in a bad spot and one a feel really bad about. Your father even in his grief and loneliness should have put you first until you were 18 min.

nattiey2002 −  My heart is broken for you- and it kind of feels like she wins if you go stay with your grandparents- but on the other hand she might ratchet up her abusive behavior and your dad has established that he won’t say anything.

Record if you can all your alone interactions with the girlfriend. Go stay with your grandparents. Discuss with them how you feel. Play THEM not your dad the recordings. Let them handle it.

AnxiousAndAntisocial −  you’re definitely not wrong for leaving. and i would, given your situation, your dad’s head is clearly clouded right now with a toxic woman….

Kaleill −  I am sorry you are going trough this. But please remember it is not your responsibility to remind your dad of his duties as a dad to you as his daughter. And it is not your responsibility to bend of and beyond to make your relationship work. Your father is the grown up and is responsible to act like one.

I am sorry for your loss and I am sorry that it made you grow up way faster than you would have deserved. Your father is grieving and I admire you for wanting him to be happy and trying to make things work in a way that you put his happiness in such a high place!

But you deserve happiness as much as he does. And you are not doing something wrong in trying to achieve that. Especially still trying to make your dad happy. (Most grown ups would not be rational as you are trying to be).

If you think living with your grand parents might be a (temporary) solution, try talking about it with your grand parents. If they are open to it, speak to your dad about it. Be prepared to tell him how you feel. Maybe prepare something in writing. If you cannot Muster the strength to directly tell him then, there is no shame in just letting him read what you have prepared instead.

And now probably the most important part. Do not make this an ultimatum, you or her. Tell him that you want to live at your grand parents for now. That you are happy for him to be happy but that you currently are unable to partake in the current environment and feel very unhappy.

Make sure that this does not mean that this necessarily will be the forever arrangement but that it is the arrangement that you currently need. You are still a minor so he as your father has a say in your living situation, so be prepared to make it absolutely clear that this is what you need, but It is not meant as an ultimatum!

InkyPaws −  Oh sweetie. I’ve been in a similar situation, which escalated. My dads girlfriend (he left my mum for her) had huge issues with me and my brother. She’d act nice to us, but I’d find notes \*in the room I used\* about how we were a problem etcetc. I didn’t say a word to anyone.

I got older. And troubled. In part because of my dad being a deadbeat. He’d show up randomly, I’d act up for weeks after and drive my mum insane. She sent me off to my aunts every few weekends for a break. Fast forward. More stuff. Dad thinks he’s entitled – with urging from the gf, probably – to have a say in my life.

Escalates rapidly. I somehow end up in my dads \*one bedroom flat\*. His girlfriend suddenly realises she doesn’t get my dads sole attention anymore. I’m a teenager, navigating my first relationship, growing up, s**, and now this whole mess with my family.

There is, in short, a discussion orchestrated by his gf between my dad, her, and my boyfriends parents. Lots of things are threatened. I smash a window. Mum is summoned to retrieve me. That was the day I had a mental breakdown. At 15 years old. Because my fathers girlfriend was a conniving witch. (On being told she had had stomach cancer a few years ago, the correct response was not, apparently ‘Shame it didn’t kill her.’)

My dad eventually left her when she admitted to setting out to separate him from my mum and wanting him for herself. That was 18 years ago. My relationship with my dad is now ok. My mental health, however, is not.. ​ Call your grandparents. Tell them that it’s not just you not liking her, she does not want you around and you’ve overheard her say as much.

That your dad has removed everything of mom from the house. That you tried to talk to him, but he’s so into her, he won’t listen to you.. ​ My dad wrote to me on my 18th. He put love makes you do stupid things. Yeah. Well. It should never come above the love of your kids and wanting to protect them.

cloudgirl150 −  Live with your grandparents. Your dad chose someone he’s known for less than a year over his own child. That’s messed up. Also, I would record the next time his girlfriend talks s**t about you. Then bring it to him for proof of how much of a b**ch she is.

frijolejoe −  Go to your grandparents now. Your dad’s feelings are not your responsibility and once he decided a mate was more important than his child he lost his vote.. Now read that last sentence again. Love, someone who went to live with grandma at 12 yo for identical reasons.

Guess who turned out to be insane and showed her true colours about 7 years later by running off with a friend and leaving my dad all alone with her son, subsequently moving across the country to pursue her own selfish lifestyle?

Women like that aren’t ‘real’, she sounds vapid and selfish just like my stepwitch and it’s likely this won’t last anyway. Get out and build a life for yourself sweetheart and let the chips fall where they may. Your mom’s parents will likely treat you like gold. It won’t be easy but it’s much better living with this abuse. Yes, it’s abuse.

nightrager12345 −  This breaks my heart honestly. I would suggest talking to your grandparents, or other family members about it. I know it’s hard but your dad doesn’t even listen to you. He’s ignoring your feelings and this woman is mean.

You have a great support system here on Reddit but you really need to see a therapist or something. I’ll pray for you to get into a better situation. It’s hard losing someone you love, like your mom. I’m sorry you feel lonely too, I hope you are able to connect with someone soon. Xoxo wish you the bestest

Do you think the dad’s behavior is fair, or is he ignoring his daughter’s needs in favor of his new relationship? How should the Redditor handle her situation with both her father and his girlfriend? Should she consider moving in with her grandparents, or would that hurt her relationship with her dad even more? Share your thoughts below!