My brother (15M) has been lying about my (25M) life to my conservative, estranged parents, MADE FAKE INSTAGRAM, HELP

A Reddit user shares their intense emotional turmoil after discovering that their younger brother, who had been estranged from them due to their conservative Jehovah’s Witness upbringing, created a fake Instagram to deceive their devout parents into thinking the user was reconverting to the church.

The user, who has no intention of returning to the church or engaging with their parents, is torn between wanting to maintain a relationship with their brother and not wanting to be part of this manipulation. To learn more about the situation and how others have responded, read the full story below…

‘ My brother (15M) has been lying about my (25M) life to my conservative, estranged parents, MADE FAKE INSTAGRAM, HELP’

Ok I’ll try to make this quick but there’s a lot and I’m freaking the f**k out. I grew up a Jehovah’s Witness. If you don’t know, JW are extremely conservative to an insane degree–I wasn’t allowed to read Harry Potter, if that makes sense. And my parents were not lax or exceptions-for-my-children type. Extremely devout people. And I’m gay.

When I was sixteen I was outted horribly by my sister who found some gay p*rn that I didn’t delete from my computer history. My family, of course, flipped out and demanded I either seek conversion therapy or get out. Luckily for me, my aunt had also defected from the church, so I was able to move in with her (FAR away).

My parents and sister immediately wanted nothing to do with me. But my brother was six. He was too young to really grasp what was going on, and had no phone or social media or anything, so I couldn’t contact him. I honestly just assumed he drank the same end-is-nigh Kool-Aid and never sought him out. Earlier this year, I got a message from him on Facebook.

It was a gigantic apology for not saying goodbye properly, and that he really wanted me back in his life. Clicking through his profile, I didn’t see any JW proselytizing like my sister’s–just pics of him and his friends being normal teens. I was beyond happy. I messaged him back, we FaceTimed, cried, he caught me up a little in his life and I caught him up a little in mine.

And from there we started texting regularly. I am very, very happy about all this. But he was still living under my parents’ roof, and was still heavy in JW culture. I was nervous about this. He always reaffirmed that he only called/texted when he wasn’t in the house (or around other JW), and reaffirmed that he thought the church was awful. Last week something weird happened.

I got an e-mail from my mother. It was a picture from a recent Dells trip she had taken with my family and another JW family. Years of no contact, then this. What the f**k? I spent DAYS talking this out with my friends before it occurred to me that my brother might have something to do with this.

I brought up the e-mail to my brother when I called him yesterday, barely hinting at my suspicions at all, and he unloaded. He had been lying to my parents. He said that *I* contacted *him* apologizing and was desperate to get back in contact with the Witnesses again, but was too ashamed. But the kicker is he made a FAKE INSTAGRAM to show them.

He plucked all the G-rated pictures from my various social medias and filled it in with captions about how devout I am, how happy I am to have refound God’s light, etc. He had taken pictures of me and my best friend, Julie, and added captions like “the love of my life”, “my bride-to-be” etc. like HOLY s**t.

He seemed already remorseful of this ploy but that he was in too deep to stop now. Now, he didn’t say as much, but the obvious implication here is that he thought he could get my family back together. But this isn’t a f**king sitcom or *The Birdcage*, he’s catfishing his very emotionally unstable and religious zealot parents into thinking their faggot outcast son was reconverting.

I have NO intentions of being in their life ever again, but I’d like to remain in my brother’s life, and I don’t want this incident to scare him off or sever the small bits of contact we have now.
So what do I do? I will not be contacting my parents, nor will I pretend to be straight. Obviously I need to tell him to close the account and stop talking about me to them, but what else if anything?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

[Reddit User] −  Maybe he wants grounds to escape to you. _Look bro’s all fixed I can go visit him during summer without being banished_. I dont think it was a ploy to drag you back in because he wasn’t trying to _convert_ you, he was trying to _deceive_ them. If this could help him have a sane and safe outlet that’d be great.

He may also really miss you and just wish you could be un-banished. But you obviously should not have to put on an act to go home. Entirely, f**k that. But the poor kid is trapped and odd coping mechanisms are to be expected, really. I’m most curious about what his intentions were.

Prestigious_Sundae −  Lying and making a fake story about you could be the only reason he’s allowed to talk to you. Or he could genuinely desire to reconvert you. Just keep in mind he is a child and to be considerate of his feelings. I would calmly talk to him about why he did it. If it’s the only way he’s allowed to talk to you, and you’re the only non-JW relative he knows, you may be his only support if he’s thinking of leaving the Church.

[Reddit User] −  Given that he’s underaged and his safety may be at risk, I’d simply have a conversation with him about how you love him, but you don’t want any more contact with your parents at all, because they don’t accept you for who you are… And will continue to be, because that is the way God, if there is a God, made you.

Tell him to stop posting to the instagram, be very careful what he says to your parents, and that you’ll be there for him when/if he needs you if he should choose to leave the church. Don’t respond to your parents. Let them think whatever they think. Wait a while and report the fake account to Instagram to be sure it gets shut down. Dial back the contact a little, and go about your life.

jolie178923-15423435 −  aw man. I feel really awful for both of you. Your brother is a dumb kid who wanted you back in his life. I would be gentle with him, but tell him that he needs to close the Instagram (obviously). Regarding your parents… f**k. I mean, my knee-j**k reaction here is to tell him that he told them the lies, he needs to tell them the truth. But…

throwa41638355 −  I feel like your little brother loves you and is trying to help but is doing it in a bad way

[Reddit User] −  I agree with other posts here. You sure your bro isn’t trying to escape your insane family?

Tru_Blueyes −  Just wanted to chime in as a parent of newborn adults and someone who works with teens – the most likely reason is that your brother is really torn between the parents who are misguided, but he knows love him, a life that doesn’t seem quite so crazy when it’s all you know – and his instinct for self preservation.

Reaching out to you is a confused mess of hope, validation, and longing. The reconciliation idea is likely rooted in a fantasy of everything working out so that no ties need to be severed. (I don’t think I said that very well, but hopefully you get my point.) That said, someone definitely could have put him up to it, or found out and tried to leverage it, or any number of more malevolent things.

That’s a valid concern, and reddit will always be here to remind you to worry, lol – BUT – it sounds to me like you don’t have real concerns for your own safety here, but your brother almost certainly does, so I’d recommend continuing forward as though your brother is just an isolated teenager with poor judgement.

FunkySavage −  Ah Jehovahs Witness, a cult of mentally ill people. Certifiably irrational and willfully and indignantly ignorant group.

gerrypoliteandcunty −  Man to me it would seem that you have a brother that loves you and wants you back home. He wants your parents to forgive you but hes way too young and naive to understand your situation in the first place. I know stupid kind of love but I dont think he intended bad things.

I mean taking the time to prove your parents you are “a good son” to their blinded eyes is kinda the sweetest thing Ive read today. Talk to your brother and tell him that you understand why he thought that was a good idea and kinda thank him but tell him that it doesnt work like that.

That you love him and if he does love you too then he has to accept you the way you are. Also that your parents should do the same and also that he shouldnt try to fix something between your parents and you because only your parents and you can fix it.

shybonobo −  This was a desperate attempt to get his bro back. It was stupid, but it’s age-appropriate. Your parents should remain in the cult and you should not talk to them. Your brother, on the other hand, desperately needs you. This is a cry for help. Remain open to him; the rules are, if he owns up to what he did to you, and shuts that crap down, you will make an effort to have a relationship with him.. Best of luck. This sucks a lot.

Do you think the user should support their brother in trying to maintain contact with their parents, or should they cut ties completely to avoid further emotional manipulation? How would you navigate a situation where a loved one is caught between conflicting loyalties? Share your thoughts below and join the discussion!