My boyfriend wants a paternity test on our newborn daughter.
Trust is the foundation of any relationship, yet so many couples find themselves struggling with doubts and insecurities. When a partner’s past mistakes resurface in the form of suspicion, it can feel like a deep betrayal. The notion of asking for a paternity test is one such sensitive topic that can shatter trust in an instant. While some argue that it’s a reasonable request, others see it as a direct accusation of infidelity.
This exact dilemma unfolded for a woman who just gave birth to her daughter three weeks ago. After being with her boyfriend for over 7.5 years and remaining faithful despite his past “slip-ups,” she was blindsided when he requested a paternity test. His reasoning? He wants to be 100% certain the child is his—despite her unwavering loyalty. But is this simply an insecure man’s fear, or is there something deeper at play? Let’s dive into the details of her story.
‘ My boyfriend wants a paternity test on our newborn daughter.’
Expert Opinion
Trust issues in relationships, especially surrounding fidelity, often stem from personal insecurities rather than actual red flags. The fact that this man has cheated in the past but is now questioning his partner’s loyalty suggests a classic case of projection.
According to Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist and expert in narcissistic behavior, “People who have been unfaithful are more likely to accuse their partners of infidelity. It’s a psychological defense mechanism that helps them justify their own past behavior.”
Beyond the psychological aspect, let’s talk about the legal and financial implications of paternity tests. In some cases, men who have doubts about paternity may be influenced by online discussions where distrust of women is rampant.
A growing trend among certain online communities advises men not to accept paternity without proof, fueling widespread paranoia. According to a study published in the Journal of Family Psychology, about 98% of children are biologically related to the assumed father—meaning these doubts are largely unfounded.
But what about the mother’s emotional well-being? When a father demands a paternity test without clear cause, it can deeply damage a relationship. Dr. Laura Markham, a family therapist, notes that “when a woman has been faithful, an unwarranted paternity test request signals a lack of trust, which can lead to resentment and long-term emotional damage.” It places the burden of proof on the woman, turning a loving relationship into a courtroom drama.
The bigger issue here is that the boyfriend’s behavior suggests he is already disengaged from the relationship. If he truly valued his partner, he would be prioritizing emotional security over unnecessary doubts. Instead of focusing on fatherhood, he is acting in a way that ensures his partner feels betrayed and distrusted during an already vulnerable time.
Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:
Before we get into expert advice, let’s take a look at what the Reddit community had to say about this situation:
The overwhelming consensus is that this man is projecting his own infidelity onto his partner. Many users pointed out that his previous “slip-ups” should be a much bigger concern than any hypothetical infidelity on her part. Others warned the OP about the risks of staying in a long-term relationship with someone who refuses to fully commit.
This story highlights a harsh reality: sometimes, the person who is most distrustful is actually the least trustworthy. While a paternity test may seem like a minor request, it speaks volumes about the state of the relationship. At the heart of it, this isn’t about biology—it’s about respect, trust, and emotional security.
What do you think? Is it ever justified for a man to request a paternity test if he has no reason to doubt his partner? Have you ever been in a similar situation? Let’s discuss in the comments below!