My boyfriend (M25) and I (F23) had an argument that is giving me red flags. Is it enough to leave our years long relationship? Please advise.
A woman (23F) is seeking advice after a troubling argument with her boyfriend (25M) of over five years. When she planned to attend a Halloween party with friends, he unexpectedly set a “curfew” for her.
Leading to accusations of control and an ultimatum that left her questioning their relationship. Unsure whether to view this as an isolated incident or a red flag, she’s turned to the internet for perspective. Read the full story below.
‘ My boyfriend (M25) and I (F23) had an argument that is giving me red flags. Is it enough to leave our years long relationship? Please advise. ?’
My boyfriend and I have been together for over five years and have lived together for 1.5 years now. For context, I was getting ready to go to a Halloween potluck with some of my girlfriends and their respective boyfriends.
When I was getting ready, my bf began discussing the idea of a curfew with me, explaining that no woman should be out late because “nothing good happens late into the night” and that I shouldn’t be out til 3am. I explained that I don’t want to be out that long, but the idea of him putting a curfew on me made me uncomfortable.
He told me that unless he is physically there with me, I (a female) shouldn’t be out of the house late and at a party. I told him there is no need for him to be this controlling with me and that I was confused, since he had never done anything like this before.
I go to social events pretty regularly, but rarely go to parties like this (maybe once every 3 months). He was also invited twice to come to this party with me and declined. I asked my bf why he’s saying all this, and he said that, “I have standards. These are my standards.
If you don’t like them, you don’t have to live with me anymore. I’m not budging on this.” and then explained that, “Now I expect you home at 1:00 am because you’re pissing me off but I should be saying 11:00 pm.” This freaked me out. I packed a bag, left to my parents house, and haven’t been back since.
I don’t know what to do from here. I want to emphasize he’s never done anything like this before, which really threw me off and hence why I’m asking for advice on an internet forum. I left the house crying and upset and my boyfriend hasn’t reached out in over 72 hours to check in or initiate a chat.
Ideally, I would like a conversation to be started by him, but I’m convinced my boyfriend has no shame for his actions and believes I am the one in the wrong. Please let me know what you, an unbiased random internet stranger, thinks about this situation. I love the relationship my bf and I have built together, but this seems like a huge red flag to me.
Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:
vButts − Girl you’re 100% right this is a huge red flag. Multiple actually (him referring to women as females, putting restrictions on you, getting angry because you disagreed with him, punishing you because he’s angry).
You’re probably right that he has no shame and thinks you are completely in the wrong but that’s okay, you’re not going to be able to convince a guy this delusional.
It is absolutely enough to leave your years long relationship. If you stay he will continue to try and exert more and more control over you, and you’ll be stuck in an a**sive relationship.
Far-Cup9063 − It kind of sounds like he instigated this in order to cause a break-up. So after 5 years dating and 1.5 years living together he announces a new “standard” to force you to move out of his place?
I assume this was his place and you moved in with him? Weird, and pretty rotten of him. I’m awfully sorry this is happening to you, but sounds like he dreamed this up to give you the boot.
Far-Cup9063 − oh, and if you have a key, figure out a time when he isn’t there, and go retrieve all your stuff.
JMarie113 − Wow. Somewhere he got the idea that controlling and dominating you would put you in your place. I would never talk to him again. This is just a glimpse into what the future would be like with him.
Manders37 − You listened to your instincts, you did great babe. Don’t second guess yourself. ❤
naporeon − I’m going to deviate from the pattern here and ask: what sorts of media does he enjoy? Has he recently started listening to new podcasts or watching new creators on YouTube? To me, this sounds an awful lot like a recently radicalized Tater Tot or passport bro type guy.
Individualchaotin − Sounds like he went down the sexist rabbit hole. You can leave a relationship whenever you want.
coolbeenz68 − this was a test from him to see if youd do what he said. if you did as told then he was and will escalate his demands.. please dont go back to him.
3fluffypotatoes − Major red flag. Controlling and frankly scary. I’d run far and fast
incognitothrowaway1A − He gave YOU an ultimatum. He WANTS you to d**p him. Do what he wants and d**p him.
This situation raises critical questions about boundaries, respect, and control in relationships. Do you think her boyfriend’s behavior is a one-time issue, or does it indicate deeper problems? Should she prioritize reconciliation or consider ending the relationship? Share your thoughts below!