My boyfriend (M23) won’t let me (F22) meet his brother.

A Reddit user (22F) shares her concern about her boyfriend (23M), who refuses to let her meet his older brother due to intense jealousy and insecurity. He believes she will fall for his brother, whom he feels is more attractive, and has been very protective of his social media to prevent her from seeing pictures of him. Despite the user reassuring him that she loves him for his personality, the boyfriend’s insecurity remains, causing tension in their relationship.

The user is unsure how to handle the situation, fearing both the growing insecurity and the risk of being cut off from his family. Read the original story below to discover more about the dynamics between them and what others think about this complex issue.

‘ My boyfriend (M23) won’t let me (F22) meet his brother.’

I’ve been with my boyfriend, let’s call him michael, for a year and he is adamant that i can not meet his older brother. When i asked him why he explained how his brother was significantly more attractive than him, and he’s always been very jealous of him since childhood and compares himself to him a lot.\

He also said, as soon as i see his brother in person i will fall in love with him, this caused an argument because it feels like he doesn’t trust me. I have tried explaining to michael that i love him for his unique personality, and think he is very handsome but he responds with “everybody says that but no one ever truly means it” He is obviously deeply insecure and extremely envious.

He won’t give me any of his social media’s because there are pictures of his brother on his account, it’s quite extreme. What do i do? i dont want to be cut off from his family, and i also hate the thought of him being insecure and paranoid that im going to seek out his brother and run off with him.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

AuntyVenom −  \ He won’t give me any of his social media’s because there are pictures of his brother on his account. Sis, I dont think this is about his extremely handsome older brother, tbh

redjohnium −  This is the red flag festival, I welcome you all. Here take your flags!! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Seriously tho, of he doesn’t even let you see his social networks something is off, even if it’s not a hidden girlfriend, let’s assume that he is telling the truth about how he feels about his brother. Still crimson red flag.

spectre655321 −  Ok, all of the glaring red flags aside, no man who is THAT jealous and insecure of his brother, posts photos of said brother on his social media. He wouldn’t, his ego wouldn’t handle it. Photos of his REAL girlfriend however…

OfDiceandWren −  Obviously this relationship isn’t going to last long. There will be a holiday where the family finally meets, the super handsome brother tells a joke and you laugh at it. The boyfriend then becomes paranoid and says stuff like…”you laugh at his jokes you must want to sleep with him!” Or if neither you or the brother are in the room with him he will accuse you of screwing.. Seen it on an episode of Snapped.

ahdrielle −  Have you met any other members of his family?

sunshine2703 −  I would do an internet search for the brother just to see if there is one. And I would find his socials to see if he is lying or not

Revolutionary_Cap557 −  You tell him that issues that deep are things that need to be worked on in therapy, and if he’s not willing to work on himself. Not to mention him he is inserting you into his weird little fantasy, in a super insulting way.

If he can’t work through this, why think he would work through any other problems with you? More likely he’ll try to just avoid the situation entirely, even if it involves avoiding family??? and then he’ll suffer the consequences and also involve innocent bystanders. He can get help and you can find something healthier. ♥️♥️

echosiah −  You’ve been with him for a YEAR and don’t know his social media? Oh c’mon, OP. You cannot be that naive. Even if he has some mysterious hot brother, that is not why you don’t see his socials, I’d bet.

And if he does have a mysterious hot brother, than he has such a crippling anxiety/insecurity about it that I fail to see how he could be a healthy partner until he works on that with himself. You break up with him, because he’s not trustworthy. Whatever all of this is, it’s not good and it’s not something you can fix.

lenore_leander −  His brother knows your boyfriend has another girlfriend and his brother is a better person (and hotter) than him and knows he’d tell you the truth

amyleah97 −  I’d just ask his parents about the brother

Do you think the Reddit user’s boyfriend is justifiably insecure, or is he overreacting to his own fears? How would you address deep insecurities and jealousy in a relationship without pushing the other person away? Share your thoughts and advice in the comments below!