my boyfriend is insisting we get married?

A Redditor shares her dilemma about her boyfriend’s insistence on marriage after just six months of dating, driven by his risk of deportation.

She feels pressured, as he claims she’s “obligated” to help him stay in the country, despite her objections and current life circumstances. Read the full story below and share your perspective.

‘ my boyfriend is insisting we get married?’

I 20F have been dating my boyfriend 22M for 6 months now. Recently, it has been brought to the government’s attention that he is not a citizen of the country we reside in. Currently, he is at risk for deportation back to his home country.

He suggested the idea that we should get married so he can increase his chances of staying in this country. [Note: I am currently enrolled in post-secondary education and I still live with my parents so this option is not very plausible for me.]

He insists that we get a marriage license in which I do not have to inform my parents about and just follow through with it for the time it could take to approve his status (this could take months to years to complete and this requires me to change my last name for every legal document, ie. driver’s license, financial aid, banking, etc.)

I continuously tell him that I am not interested in following through with his idea. He insists that because I am his girlfriend, I am obligated to do this for him. Even though I tell him no, he keeps insisting.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

VirusZealousideal72 −  Do NOT do that. You aren’t obligated to do this LIFE ALTERING thing for him, especially after only six months.. NTA. Stay strong.

FloofyDireWolf −  ABSOLUTELY NOT. No one should be “insisting” on getting married. His immigration status does not mean you should marry him. He may have to leave and return later.

Please tell your parents that he’s pressuring you to get married. You may need to break things off, he should not be pressuring you and you’re very young to make such a long commitment.

Smilingly_Unpicked −  NTA, you don’t owe him to get married.

IcestormsEd −  NTA. How long has he known of his immigration status? Deportations don’t happen overnight unless a serious offence has been committed. I think you are being manipulated and this was a plan all along. 6 months? Yeah something doesn’t add up but I could be wrong.

Feycat −  D**p him.

Cranky70something −  NTA. Marriage is a serious commitment. Despite movies like *Green Card,* you don’t get married to change someone’s immigration status. Tell him that he will have to think of something else because you are not his pawn. Be willing to break up. He is trying to use you.

You two are much too young to get married. Simply because you are his girlfriend, you are not obligated to marry him for that reason or any other reason. Tell him that if he continues to be pushy on this or any other issue, you are going to break up with him. *And mean it.*

Molly_206 −  Yeah so I went down that road for a “friend” I had known for a very long time who had the same issue as your boyfriend. Please don’t do it. You’re not obligated to do this, and it’s extremely stressful.

The immigration interviews are intimidating, and there can be real consequences. Also, depending on where he’s from, marriage is marriage. The reason why may not matter. In my case, I thought I was doing an old friend a favor.

In his eyes, he owned me and felt entitled to whatever he wanted from me and SA’d me. I was out the door the next day. He shouldn’t be trying to guilt you or pressure you into this. The fact that he is is a giant red flag.

Excellent-Highway884 −  Inform your parents of the situation and break up with him. I’m sorry but he doesn’t love you. Your parents can support you through this.

Chewie20019 −  Umm not to mention but it’s also illegal to marry someone so they can stay in the country, be careful

IamtheRealDill −  NTA d**p him. This is clearly not a healthy relationship. “You have to marry me because you’re my girlfriend and I’m going to get deported otherwise” isn’t the way a lifetime commitment is supposed to start.

Is it fair for her boyfriend to pressure her into such a significant decision, or should he respect her boundaries? How would you approach this situation? Share your thoughts and advice in the comments below!