My boyfriend doesn’t want to marry me?

A Reddit user shared her emotional struggle after a joking conversation with her boyfriend took a painful turn when he implied she might have to “force” him to marry her. Over the past year, she’s been doing everything for him—taking care of the house, cooking, and working two jobs—while he doesn’t contribute.

Although he once expressed interest in marrying her, she feels like he’s taken her for granted, especially after losing his job. She’s asking for advice on whether he will change and if their relationship has a future. Read the full story below for more details and community input.

‘ My boyfriend doesn’t want to marry me?’

Hello. I need opinions from others because, through my tears, I can no longer think clearly. Here’s the short version of my situation: I’ve been living with my boyfriend for almost a year. Last night, before bed, we were joking around, and he said, “I want this car.” I replied, “I want a ring.”

Then he said, “If you buy me that car, you’ll get a ring.” I said, “Alright,” and he responded, “Do you want me to marry you by force?” That’s when it stopped being funny for me. I fell asleep quietly crying, and this morning I can’t stop crying. He’s been asking me all morning what’s wrong, but I haven’t said anything, using my period as an excuse.

On top of that, he’s currently not working, spends most of his time playing on the computer, doesn’t clean the house, and doesn’t cook. When I come home from two jobs, I have to cook for him and clean the house.

If I express dissatisfaction about this, he starts a conflict, gets upset, and says he’s fine living in a messy house and that he didn’t ask me to clean. I do everything to make his life easier, take care of him, and serve him, but in return, I get told he doesn’t want to marry me. Please advise me on what to do. M25 F25

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Elizabeth9996 −  My question is why would you want to marry him? Youre the catch in this relationship he is a l**er that you can quite literally find anywhere and should be finding someone better. I have the feeling that this is a bait post because I dont think anyone would put up with this

UnusualPotato1515 −  Why the hell do you want to marry this l**er?! Leave this guy & dont let him benefit from your money, cooking & cleaning. You deserve so much better than this useless person.

Creepy_Gate_5103 −  Well you’re already doing traditional housewife duties without being a wife. You cook and clean for him while he gets to be lazy. He probably sees no reason to marry you if he’s already getting taken care of at home.

You deserve better, you deserve a partner who wants to marry you, build with you, and be equals. I’m sorry your boyfriend does not appreciate all that you do.

Good_Ice_240 −  For the love of God woman! What the hell do you want to marry this l**er for? Do you want the rest of your life to be waiting on someone, cooking, cleaning, working, paying for everything. What happens when you have a family? Do you think he’s suddenly going to run out and get a job and become responsible. Of course he’s not! Go live your life and know your own worth. Then you’ll eventually find someone who’s your equal.

unoriginalsadgirl −  You deserve so much better and you don’t have to put up with this! He’s showing his true colours here and I’m sorry but it’s never going to get better.

The best thing to do would be to leave him. You’re not happy and he’s not going to change. You deserve a caring and loving partner who works with you towards a future and who is excited to marry you.

remainsofthedaze −  It sounds like you have a deficient, large adult son. I’m baffled as to why would even f**k him, let alone want to marry him.

Dismal_Bad_3927 −  This man sounds disgusting tbh. I was in a relationship with a guy just like that, and now I question why my self esteem was so low that I would give a l**er like that a chance. Pick yourself up and d**p him. I did, and I ended up with the most amazing fiance in the world. Do yourself that favor, you’ll thank yourself for it in the future.

My sister is also in a relationship like this. The guy doesn’t work, mooches off of her money, sits on the couch playing video games all day, and never takes care of the house. She’s been with him for 20 years and they aren’t married. I’m 9 years younger and I’m getting married because I made the right choice. Take it from someone who has experienced this, and has seen what happens if you don’t leave, this guy isn’t worth anything.

UshiiMoe −  He’s dragging you down. Speaking from experience if he doesn’t want to marry you now, he never will. Please save yourself years of exhaustion and focus on yourself.

r3cycl0ps_dw1gt −  I’m confused. You want to marry someone who doesn’t contribute anything? You want that for the rest of your life?

armchairdetective −  Ok. Two things.

1. He doesn’t sound like a good person to live with. Why are you putting up with being a maid for someone else?

2. He didn’t say he didn’t want to marry you. You were having a silly conversation. Marriage is serious business. It is objectively a bad thing to be *seriously* considering a trade like this. You weren’t, so his comment might be jarring to you, but it doesn’t mean no marriage ever.

If you want to work towards marriage, have a serious conversation. Don’t try to get him there with jokes. But, honestly, you’re 25. It’s young for marriage but much too old to be putting up with these living arrangements.

Do you think the boyfriend’s attitude reflects a deeper issue in the relationship, or could he change with time? Is it worth waiting for him to step up, or should the user consider moving on? How would you handle this situation if you were in her shoes? Share your thoughts and advice below!