My boyfriend didn’t invite me to Christmas with his family because they think I’m a gold digger. Should I end this relationship?
A Reddit user shared her heartbreaking story about being excluded from her boyfriend’s family Christmas gathering because his parents think she’s a gold digger. Despite being together for three years and believing she had a good relationship with them, her boyfriend failed to defend her or address the accusations. Now, she’s questioning whether to continue the relationship. To read the full story and explore the dilemma, check it out below.
‘ My boyfriend didn’t invite me to Christmas with his family because they think I’m a gold digger. Should I end this relationship?’
I (36F) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (46M) from New York for three years. Over this time, I’ve gotten to know his family, including his parents, and we’ve always had a good relationship—or so I thought. I’ve spent years trying to build something meaningful with him, believing we were serious about our future together.
But recently, he told me he’s spending Christmas with his family in Aspen, Colorado, and here’s the kicker: I’m not invited. When I asked why, he said it’s because his parents believe I’m a gold digger from Russia.
Hearing this broke me. Not only is it deeply offensive and unfair, but I also feel completely betrayed. I thought I had a good relationship with his family, and it hurts to know they think this of me. What’s worse is that he didn’t defend me or try to include me.
After three years of investing my time and emotions into this relationship, this makes me question everything. I feel like absolute crap right now. Is this a red flag I can’t ignore? Should I walk away, or is there a way to salvage this?
Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:
FRANPW1 − He is 46. It shouldn’t matter at that point what Mommy and Daddy think. He is using it as an excuse to break up with you. Don’t even think of having s** with him when he returns. He is blatantly using you now.. You are 36. Move on immediately. EVERY MOMENT YOU WASTE WITH THIS MAN IS PREVENTING THE MAN YOU SHOULD BE WITH FROM ENTERING YOUR LIFE.
Nicolozolo − Why would he tell you that? And is he just absolutely not defending you at all? Sounds like he has one foot out the door already.
Datonecatladyukno − You know this is over. You can’t come back from this. I suspect his parents didn’t say this though, this is him pushing you into breaking up with him OR seeing how little you will accept and still stay
Iwanttosleep8hours − Your boyfriend isn’t defending you and is abandoning you during the holidays, that doesn’t translate to a serious relationship or even friendship on his part.
purpleroller − Time to walk away OP. I bet his parents didn’t say that and it’s his way of making you decide to leave him. Just to mess with him, and just before dumping him, I would call his parents and ask them why they believe you are a gold digger. Drops him in trouble whether he lied or not.
I hope you manage to have a good Christmas with friends or family. And here’s hoping you find someone more deserving of you in the new year.. 💐
Just_River_7502 − Did they actually say that? Because it could just as easily be that he is being cruel so he gets to do whatever he has planned without you?
RAthowaway − Leave. Specially if you want kids. You just got a glimpse into your future and you didn’t like it. If 3 years didn’t change their hearts and minds nothing will and you know your bf will never choose your relationship over them
Few-Faithlessness448 − His parents are thinking that of you because your boyfriend talks crap about you behind your back. But I think he wants to break up with and therefore is starting you treat like sh*t.
sunbella9 − A person doesn’t do something only once. An action is repeated, so be prepared to experience this scenario again in the future if you stay with him. He is taking you for granted. Give yourself the gift of self-love this year and make yourself ‘scarce’ while he’s away. Do not think of him. He is not important. Focus on your family. Happy holidays 💕
heydeservinglistener − Okay.
1. His parents said that about you to your boyfriend and he seemingly didn’t fight it and defend you.
2. Your boyfriend told you in those exact words that’s why you’re not invited… there are nicer ways to relay that information.
3. Your boyfriend still chose to go knowing his family disrespected his partner of 3 years.
4. Your boyfriend still chose to go knowing you’re very upset and hasn’t attended to your feelings at all.
5. Your boyfriend still chose to go and didn’t make the demand that you come too and if they’re inviting him, you’re also part of that invitation regardless of what they think about you and demanding they play nice and indicating boundaries.
I think this is a really good indicator of how he prioritizes you and your feelings… and I’m sorry babe, but they’re not high on his list. Or at least they’re not right now. I don’t know if I’d end it over this, but it’s a strong indicator that he may already be done or is upset with you and he’s not talking to you about it.
I’d try to dig a little deeper with what’s going on here and talk about if he still wants to be in this relationship with you and talk about your expectations and how to manage his family (if they are the problem) going forward. 3 years is a long time and there’s a lot of missing context. I wouldn’t listen to anyone telling you to make drastic change in this case without a bigger conversation with him.
Do you think the boyfriend’s lack of support is a dealbreaker, or can this situation be resolved with communication? How would you handle being excluded from a partner’s family events under such accusations? Share your thoughts and advice in the comments below!