My boyfriend [29M] told me [22F] honestly that he is still in love with his ex-girlfriend and that he will never love another person more than her.

A Reddit user shared a heartbreaking story about her boyfriend admitting he is still in love with his ex-girlfriend and believes he’ll never love anyone more than her. Despite his reassurances, this revelation shattered her trust and left her questioning their entire relationship. Read the full story below to see how she navigates this emotional dilemma.

‘ My boyfriend [29M] told me [22F] honestly that he is still in love with his ex-girlfriend and that he will never love another person more than her.’

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year. He is an incredible person, and many of my friends tell me that he’s a great catch. He was very into me, and did much of the chasing in the early days of our relationship. About 3 months after we started dating, he said “I love you”. I said it back. I was genuinely in love with him.

This is the first time in my life I felt this kind of love. He has an ex-girlfriend [25F] who he dated for 4 years before they broke up 3 years ago because of their busy schedules. He dated another girl for 1.5 years afterwards, and then me. He and his first ex are still friends, according to him they are just close friends now.

They are busy and dont live in the same city so he almost never sees her. Once, the 3 of us plus her new BF went for dinner together. She was nice to me, very beautiful woman, charming, smart. The kind to turn every head in the room.

I always had this terrible suspicion that maybe my BF still had feelings for her, but he always reassured me when I voiced my concerns to him. We can talk to each other about anything and I appreciate that.

Last week, he said his ex and his boyfriend were in town again and they invited us to brunch. I thought nothing of it and went. At the brunch, his ex mentioned that she and her BF were engaged. This really threw off my BF. His mood just suddenly changed. After the brunch, I noticed him taking her aside and whispering something.

The whole week, my BF seemed to be in a bad mood. Yesterday morning, I found my BF drinking shots at the kitchen counter. He looked as if he hadn’t slept all night. I asked him what was wrong. He shrugged. I asked him if itnwas about his ex, because he had been off ever since he saw her.

He said yes. He told me that he hasn’t been able to stop thinking about her and the smile on her face when she showed off her new ring. “Its funny because I always thought that she’d be wearing my ring.” I was stunned. He continued. “Dont you have a man who you thought was “the one who got away?”

He asked if he could be honest with me. He told me that he still loved her. That he had always loved her. But he said at the end something about fate and how he had to move on and that he had to focus on us right now. That his ex was a thing of the past. Still, I was f**king devastated. I appreciated his honesty and understand he was drunk, but wow, it f**king hurt.

Im crying in my room and i dont know what to do. I feel like my heart has just been stomped on. My fears have been validated. My bf is only with me because he can’t have his ex. Where do I even go from here.

TL;DR: BF confessed he has always been in love with his ex and still loves her.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

dulcetdreamer −  “I just think we all deserve to be with someone who wants to be with us” – Phyllis, The Office That’s legit what my first thought was upon reading this. You deserve someone who instills in you the faith that they would pick you over anyone else. Long Overdue Edit: Thank you so much for the gold and upvotes! Never beg to be loved.

magicsands −  Hey. I am so sorry. That must be so hard to hear.. A few thoughts:

-If you were my friend, I would tell you to break up with him. This does feel like something that is hard to get over. Even with a lot of reconciliation, you will always have that worry in the back of your head.

-You DESERVE someone for whom you are their great love. You DON’T need to settle for someone who has a “one that got away.” NOT everyone has that (and don’t let him make you think that!) Most people have exes, but many people do the hard mental and emotional work to get past them, which he has clearly not done. He is instead putting that on you.

-Just because he is hung up on his ex, DOESN’T mean that he doesn’t love you a lot, and that all those amazing feelings of love, and all those nice firsts, weren’t real. I still think you should break up, but I don’t think you should feel like you were lied to. As I said, he never did the hard work to get over his ex, so he is in a weird and confusing place. That doesn’t mean your love was a lie.

From a practical sense, give yourself lots of TLC. Spend some time apart from him, even if you’re not sure what to do next. Lean on friends, even if it’s vulnerable to tell them you feel rejected.

Sending you love and good vibes through the internet, I can only imagine how hurt you feel. You WILL feel better in the future, you WILL find someone who can love you without being hung up on an ex and you WILL find a way to be grateful for the ups and downs of this relationship in the future! It just doesn’t feel like it now, but I truly believe that.

im_not-really_here −  I am so sorry that you are going through this… “Its funny because I always thought that she’d be wearing my ring.” I was stunned. He continued. “Dont you have a man who you thought was “the one who got away?”

This says to me that he didn’t really see his life with anyone, but her. So everyone else he dates is just holding her spot. You need to let him know that you can’t be in a relationship where you’re the second choice. He needs to deal with the relationship with his ex without hurting you in the process. You need to be someone’s first and only choice in a relationship.

The big problem is he’s not done with his ex, obviously he has feelings that he hasn’t resolved. Unfortunately nothing you could’ve done would’ve changed how he feels. He needs to go work this out on his own, without hurting you in the process.

Hoophoop31 −  I’ve been where your bf is at. He will never get over her and he will leave you the minute she takes him back. Time to move on.

Chasmosaur −  When I was 22, I also dated a 29 year old who pursued me, told me he loved me pretty quickly, and he was the first love of my life. And, he admitted to me several months in that he was still in love with his ex-wife who had left him for someone else, but he still cared for me, too.

I was young, super in love, and thought maybe I just needed to give him time to work through it. I told him so, including that I really wasn’t happy to hear it and expected him to work on it, since he was in therapy. He did precisely squat to get over it, and we broke up several months later.

So take it from someone who is over a lifetime away from that love – this relationship is over. It hurts, it’s not fair to you, but this relationship is done. You can just add yourself to his list of great women who got away, because once you move on and stop giving him love and support and comfort, he may get angry at first, but then, he’s gonna try and win you back.

However, the trust between you is pretty ~~will~~ well broken now, and there is no bringing it back. Your BF needs to work through his s**t, and stop looking for manic pixie dream girls.

[Reddit User] −  That’s a dealbreaker, ladies.

Waitingforadragon −  That’s a really tricky one. It seems to me, that there are some people who nurse an ex-love interest like some other people hold onto a grudge. The further away they are from the relationship, the more they idolise it. No one can ever compete because you are eventually competing with an idolised fantasy love that never really existed.

I’d be concerned that your boyfriend is behaving like that. I would understand if he’d just found out about her engagement that he might feel a bit raw, but to be still upset about it to the point of getting blotto after a week seems like pretty deep seated unresolved issues. I think you need to take your time to see how you feel about this, but I know if it were me I’d find this very hard to recover from and would probably move on.

aspleniumb −  He’s got issues, he told you he is still in love with someone else. You deserve more in a relationship than to be second choice. It is good to find out before you have shared offspring or assets.

gojubang −  Let him reminisce about his EX as a single man.

rainyreminder −  I think for your own well-being you need to think about getting out. You are never going to be able to forget that he said this, and you are always going to question his commitment and whether he’s going to leave the second she looks like her marriage is in trouble.

When someone admits they still have deep feelings for an ex, it can be devastating for their current partner. Do you think her boyfriend’s honesty was helpful, or did it cause more harm than good? Should she continue the relationship or walk away to protect her heart? Share your thoughts and advice in the comments below!