My boyfriend (28M) didn’t buy me (29F) a boba. How do I explain to him that I feel like this is yet another sign in a pattern of being inconsiderate?

A Reddit user vented frustrations about their boyfriend’s (28M) lack of consideration in their relationship. From ignoring shared chores and financial disparities to small but telling actions like not buying her (29F) a boba drink, she feels that these patterns reveal a deeper issue.

She’s struggling to communicate her feelings effectively without being dismissed, as his responses often prioritize avoiding effort or compromise. Read on for the full breakdown of the situation and why she’s questioning their dynamic.

‘ My boyfriend (28M) didn’t buy me (29F) a boba. How do I explain to him that I feel like this is yet another sign in a pattern of being inconsiderate?’

It’s a million little things and some way bigger ones. We moved in together 6 months ago. Things are normally chill. We get along. We can hang. However. I feel like he doesn’t think of me. I ask him to do the dishes– he will leave them for three or four days molding in the sink until finally my roommate or I do it because–it’s n**ty and has to be done, there’s no forks.

I will ask him over and over again and he just won’t do it. I work from home and he works outside of the house. So I have more wiggle room to do chores, so I do more chores. I figured he would compensate by pulling more weight in another area– for instance, he makes 3x the salary that I do.

Three times! But he wants me to pay 50/50 on our dates. Which would be fine if I didn’t buy and cook most of our at-home meals and also do the majority of the chores. That’s not fair. That’s not 50/50. He also doesn’t pay any of my rent or bills. When I brought this up to him the first time, he didn’t believe that I did that much for him.

He thought we did equal chores and food buying! I had to start sending him literal receipts and have him compare each of our contributions. I also started sending him lists of things I did every day so that he would know what I had done and I had records too. I thought maybe he really didn’t know.

And maybe he would change his attitude and pick up more slack in other areas but nope. He still wants to go halfsies with money. And does more chores now– but certainly not half. For example– he put laundry in the wash but then asked me to do the folding– the most labor-intensive part of laundry!

And he will buy groceries and cook. But he makes maybe 1 meal for my 4. And he will get takeout for us at least once a week, which I know is more expensive, but that’s the cost of not putting the labor in to cook it yourself. Since I put my labor in for my food and he didn’t, it’s one meal of mine is equal to one meal of his, in my opinion;

but he says since takeout costs more money, it counts as multiple of my home-cooked meals, which I don’t think is fair. Anyways, I recently bought a lot of groceries. I cooked meals and he ate five of them. He also drank all of my bottle of alcohol and the sodas and juice I bought. Then he asked me out to boba.

The day after I cooked him dinner and he finished off my alcohol. And he had me pay for my own boba. It was $6. And when he bought his own– he didn’t tip. **This man makes 6 figures.** **I’m feeding him with the food I bought using food stamps**. And he invited me on a date and made me pay.

After eating my food and drinking my drinks. I don’t know how to explain to him that him not paying for a boba pissed me off. I don’t know how to explain why I feel like this is just another sign on the highway of consistent disrespect. Every time I try to explain this to him, his solution is to just stop doing things for each other– but in my opinion, that’s not a partnership.

That’s a bad roommate who wants s**. My other roommate who travels for work and has maybe been at home half the time my boyfriend has, has cleaned the kitchen more time than my bf has. By a significant amount. And on top of that– I had a break to grab coffee in between work sessions,

I told him that I had 3 minutes before I had to go back. He chose right then to ask me why I was upset with him. Like I just told you I have 3 minutes before returning to work. Why would he ask me a serious question and expect an answer right then?

Like I just told you I’m on a time-crunch– I feel like this kind of thing happens a lot. It’s small, it’s subtle, but it’s also big. I just don’t think he considers others.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Opening_Track_1227 −  **This man makes 6 figures.** **I’m feeding him with the food I bought using food stamps**. Girl, no

Far_Cheesecake3534 −  Just leave him for god sakes it ain’t gonna get better. Imagine if you have kids 🤢 gonna be 100 times worse

Ok-Homework-582 −  You said it he’s a bad roommate that wants s**

[Reddit User] −  I mean, he told you what your options are OP. Either he does nothing for you & you do nothing for him or you s**k it up and pull more than half your weight. If he wanted to be a better partner, he would have done it already.

No point beating a dead horse by talking about it for the millionth time. Theres obviously a third way to go. I’m not sure if you’re fed up enough to do it yet, but you will be.

Ancientgreeksloot −  This is not a man or a partner or someone who truly loves you. This is a leech you love. I’m sorry.

Amplith −  “I feel like he doesn’t think of me…” He doesn’t…you’re being used, sorry. 50/50 on dates? Really? You should feel at the very least, valued. Sure he makes six-figures but what does he REALLY bring to the table? Nothing. Go find some broke dude that thinks the world of you…you’ll be waaaay happier.

cloudofbastard −  This guy sounds like a gold digger but for labour and s**. D**p him! There’s a pattern of being inconsiderate, and even when you point it out he tries to diminish your work and emotions.

Sure-Morning-6904 −  Girl he’s not even a roommate who wants s**, Your real roommate does more for you than him. You’re his bangmaid, which is even worse.

Reinefemme −  just leave. he makes 3x what you do and couldn’t buy you a bubble tea on the date he asked you out on? he’s pretending he doesn’t know what’s up it’s called “weaponized incompetence.” you keep allowing him to treat you this way. he will continue to play innocent. why are you staying? stop cooking, stop cleaning, and stop doing his laundry.

[Reddit User] −  The problem is not you explaining. You did an amazing job describing your situation here. The problem is also not that he is dumb, otherwise he would not make the money he makes. The sad truth is that he does not want to do the things your asking for. I lived this life with my ex husband.

I tried to make him understand for 11 years. Do you know what I got out of it? 11 wasted years. So open your eyes, realise that he is using you and then leave this a**hole. There are loving amazing men out there that will show you love, care and attention. You will never get it from him.