My boyfriend (23M) smelled me (22F) and I felt uncomfortable. What to do?

A Reddit user (22F) shared that her boyfriend (23M) made her feel uncomfortable by repeatedly commenting on a smell when they met after two weeks apart. He started smelling her clothes and hair, claiming her pants smelled bad, and refused to roll down the windows when she asked.

The user felt embarrassed, disgusted, and upset, and when she became quiet, her boyfriend told her she needed to be “nicer” and stop getting angry. She is unsure if her feelings are valid or if she should be more understanding. To read the full story and see how others are weighing in, check out the post below.

‘ My boyfriend (23M) smelled me (22F) and I felt uncomfortable. What to do? ‘

I was meeting my boyfriend after nearly 2 weeks and today I got into his car and immediately he said something is smelling. And then he kept telling that and I smelt myself and it was nothing and I honestly couldn’t even smell anything strange in the car.

Then he kept repeating it and we stopped the car and he started smelling me. He started smelling my hair and then my jacket and then my pants and said my pants are very smelly and asked if I haven’t washed it. I felt very bad/embarrassed/ disgusted.

I asked him to roll down the windows which he also refused. And then I got really upset and was quiet for which he said I need to be “nicer” and stop getting angry for everything. He even said I keep bringing unwanted problems between the two of us. After which I was just so disgusted to even be around him.

Shouldn’t he have just made me feel less uncomfortable atleast? Like maybe roll down the window or something instead of just smelling me in such a weird way. I’m feeling very bad. I don’t know if I should feel bad about this or if he’s valid. How can I talk to him about this? I can’t believe he had the audacity to tell I need to be more nice and stop getting angry for everything.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

phyxthia −  Sounds like he’s negging you, make you feel insecure and bad about yourself then gaslight you to make it seem like you are the one making the issues when he was the one making it a big deal. If he keeps doing and saying things to make you feel bad about yourself please leave him.

ohwhatisthepoint −  so… he told you that you stink, then when you were simply quiet because you have hurt feelings, he tells you you need to be NICER and that you bring problems into the relationship? honey the only problem you brought into this relationship was that piece of trash. do not stand for this. 

swag-baguette −  It seems to me that you didn’t smell at all, and he’s just making a power move over you. This will keep you insecure and he can manipulate you more easily. Has he done things like this before? Rethink this relationship.

Sevcond −  That’s so rude. Even if you were smelling bad, he could’ve just rolled down the windows, or turned on the A/C. He said it with no politeness, and acted like a dog making you uncomfortable.. He could’ve just talked to you. If he keeps saying you’re the problem for everything, break up with him.

kuyashikoneko −  Bro has 0 emotional intelligence nor a decent social cue. As someone who has body odor naturally i get insecure too, i shower daily and i can still smell after a few hours of it.

What he did is insensitive and out of pocket and you have every right to be annoyed and mean about it. Also its natural to smell a bit, we’re humans!!! its not like you’re living in a pigpen he gotta chill

febrezebaby −  You’re so young, so please hear this: normal people don’t do this. This is not normal behaviour. It’s so weird, and obviously malicious for literally no reason. This goes way beyond social cues and is absolutely him showing how he’d like to treat you all the time. Congrats, you just met the real him.

charismatictictic −  No. That’s not ok. It’s good that he told you, because if your pants really are dirty/smelly, that should be adressed, but not by sniffing you like a dog, and not followed by telling you to be nicer after he said something that is very hurtful to hear from a partner.

AproposofNothing35 −  Im a woman and I tell my bf he smells all the time and he simply gets up, washes, and comes back. Asking a partner to smell better is a normal part of relationships. I can understand this is embarrassing for you,

but your partner should not be expected to smell bad smells. What he did didn’t sound rude, you sound unable to manage your emotions. That being said, if he is rude in the future then of course leave him.

NotChristina −  You can try to talk to him. His response to your concern sounds unkind though. Telling you to be “nicer” seems a bit weird. Does he do other things like this, saying other negative things to you and blaming you for your reaction? Unhealthy and a hallmark of internet man-o-sphere crap.

The alternative is he has zero emotional intelligence. I can get a bit smelly sometimes. My ex would just straight up say I stink and need a shower. I hated it; I always showered immediately when I got to his place for fear of being called that again. Always paranoid. Meanwhile, with a new guy.

I hadn’t showered yesterday AM and we ran out and did a number of activities. He still laid in bed with me *bed* me more than once after we laid down. No mention. So either it’s some kind of power move to make you insecure, or he’s just really not wise.

We CAN get a little funky down there so do double-check how your situation is. Though frankly even if you did smell a little, he did it ALL wrong.

reroyarthur −  Why did you post this FIVE times?