My boyfriend [23M] pretended to be single in front of other girls while I [21F] was standing right there. Is this grounds to break up immediately or should I give him a chance to explain himself?

A Reddit user, nearing her one-year anniversary with her boyfriend, shares a troubling incident from a party. While tipsy, her boyfriend denied their relationship to other girls, even flirting with one, despite her presence. Confused and hurt, she wonders if this behavior is grounds to break up or if she should give him a chance to explain. Read her story below to find out more.

‘ My boyfriend [23M] pretended to be single in front of other girls while I [21F] was standing right there. Is this grounds to break up immediately or should I give him a chance to explain himself?’

Our first year anniversary is in two weeks. We went out last night to a birthday party of our mutual friend’s. He got pretty tipsy but not wasted; I didn’t drink since I was driving us home. At some point in the night I went to go get water and when I came back, there was a crush of people in the room so I was standing directly behind him, trying to get through.

He was talking to some girl and I heard her ask, “So is that girl you came in with your girlfriend?” And he distinctly said after some hesitation, “No, she’s just my roommate haha.” I got really pissed off but didn’t say anything, just came up to stand next to him. I didn’t want to make a scene at my friend’s birthday party, but he was going to get an earful when we left. He didn’t even notice me for a few seconds and said something like, “You’re so pretty,” to the other girl. She noticed me. glaring at him and left.

I was so pissed off at him that I just decided to walk away and talk to my friends the rest of the night. Probably a mistake of not addressing it right there at the time but I wanted to avoid a big scene if I could. I tried to enjoy myself. My friend, the host of the party, came up to me and asked me if my boyfriend and I had broken up and she didn’t know, because she had heard him telling somebody that he was single.

After that, I just decided to go home. I was really mad. He could find a ride or crash at our friend’s place (she said it would be okay because tons of people were crashing in the living room already). I went home without saying a word to him. This morning I woke up to all of these texts and calls from him really pissed that I ditched him at the party without a ride or without warning. He demanded to know in an accusing voice “where I had disappeared off to,” as if I was the one up to some shady s**t.

I’m just angry and confused because this is coming out of nowhere for me. We have a great relationship and have never had a fight. He tells me all the time that he’s so happy we’re together and that I’m the best thing that ever happened to him and that he wants to be with me forever. And now pretending I’m not his girlfriend? Claiming he’s single? Flirting with other girls right in front of me? He has never done anything like that before and hasn’t even looked at other girls…

I don’t drink, so is this just dumb “drunken behavior” that I should excuse? Should I give him a chance to explain himself or just end things now? I’m so pissed off and feel so disrespected. I can’t even think of what reason he could give that would somehow make what he did okay in my eyes. But I’m willing to listen to anyone’s perspective or other angles on the situation.

Tl;dr: Went to a party with my boyfriend last night. He got tipsy and was overheard telling multiple people that he didn’t have a girlfriend or that he was single, when I was right there at the same party. I left without saying a word to him. This morning he’s demanding to know why. Do I confront him or just leave him?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

NomDePlumeSock −  A chance to explain what, exactly? There is no valid explanation for what he did, period. “When people show you who they are, believe them.” Break up. Then go “no contact”. Then start dating someone who is proud to be with you – not someone who lies about not being with you.

Upallnight88 −  I can’t imagine anything that he can say to you that will justify his actions. Don’t let him complain about you leaving him at the party, he deserved it. Most likely he will just say he was drunk and didn’t mean it, or “it was a joke”. Don’t buy into either of these BS excuses.

UnexcusedAbsences −  Honestly it seems as if he was saying he’s single to garner attention from other women, which is shady. I believe that’s building a platform for more lies and deceptions on his part. Get out now while you’re ahead. It was right of you to leave the situation to think it over and you seem to be very responsible about this. Listen to what he has to say, but don’t be manipulated. He’s hiding you from people, and that does not make for a healthy relationship ever.

m00t-p0int −  It’s easy to pretend to be a good person. Folks do it all the time. You just saw his true face. He’s a scumbag, and worst of all, an i**ot. You were at this party and this is your social circle. How did he not expect you to find out?

kornberg −  “I heard you tell a random girl that you were single and that we were roommates. BirthdayFriend told me that she had also heard you tell other women that you were single. Who am I to deny you something that you want?” Being drunk is not an excuse for that behavior.

If he owns up to it and just got carried away and he is very sorry and it’s not going to happen again and he is going to lay off the booze, then maybe, maybe, you should consider forgiving him. Sometimes we do stupid things when we’re drinking and we need to accept the consequences of that behavior. We also need to understand that when our drunk behavior becomes destructive, then we need to drink less or not at all.

There is a point of drunk where I will make out with anyone, no matter what. I stopped getting that drunk when I started dating my husband because I didn’t want to deal with the consequences of that and I know I can’t control my behavior at that point.

If he has any reaction other than extreme remorse and promises to change the drinking, then you need to let him go. He clearly cannot control himself when drinking and if he can’t handle the consequences of his actions, then you are just going to get heartbroken. Stop wasting your time and move on.

[Reddit User] −  As a s**t bag teenager who has done this to a sweet girl; i can tell you that he does not take the relationship seriously and/or is ashamed of you. You should definitely leave.

[Reddit User] −  You can give him a chance to explain but the only thing you should really hear come out of his mouth is, “I was wrong, I am sorry”. Anything else is just him making excuses, so if you hear excuses,” I was drunk/I was kidding/fill-in-the-blank-here, d**p him.

Albino_Panda −  Don’t ever use “I don’t drink, is this normal?” as a way to excuse s**tty behavior. Yes, people can be dumbasses when they drink. To entirely negate a relationship, yet alone in front of you? Sorry, but your boyfriend has the emotional maturity of a puppy. Loves anyone that gives attention to him. Hell, tons of people are like that in their early 20’s. It is a normal feeling to have, HOWEVER it is NOT okay to coax anyone into a relationship where that behavior is okay. Yet alone guilt them on it.

At 23, he should in theory still know better, but if he hasn’t had the attention before maybe not. Simply put, may be a great guy, good friend, but he is really in between trying to have a relationship, and trying to party.
Really, he’s young and still figuring his s**t out, just like you are. Good luck.

If_I_had_to_guess −  You seem concerned that he is going to use his drunkeness as an excuse but there really IS no excuse. He did this at YOUR friend’s party WHILE you were in the same room as him. Can you imagine if it was at one of his friends and you weren’t there? The “she’s just my roommate is a TOTAL pre-cursor to cheating – if he hasn’t already. You need to be with someone who will tell anyone who will listen how proud he is to be with “that amazing catch right over there… Hey dumpordiscuss, come here for a second, I want to introduce you to…”

_Fallout_ −  Remember: this is only the time you’ve caught him.

Is pretending to be single in such a scenario an unforgivable breach of trust, or could it be attributed to poor judgment under the influence? How would you handle such disrespect in a relationship? Share your perspective and advice below!