My bf’s ex (30F) spent the night in my bed with my bf (30M) but he recorded it to show me (25F) nothing happened… how do we overcome this?

A Redditor shared their emotional struggle after discovering that their boyfriend allowed his ex to spend the night in their bed while they were away. Though her boyfriend immediately confessed and provided camera footage to prove nothing romantic happened.

His actions—such as hugging and kissing his ex’s forehead while consoling her—left the Redditor hurt and conflicted. With trust shaken and boundaries blurred, the couple now faces the challenge of addressing these issues and moving forward. Read the original story below.

‘ My bf’s ex (30F) spent the night in my bed with my bf (30M) but he recorded it to show me (25F) nothing happened… how do we overcome this?’

I’m extremely hurt but to my bf’s credit, he was very upfront about everything. He texted me immediately the morning after to tell me everything. My bf, let’s call him James, broke up with his ex gf, Winnie about 2 years ago.

They chose to stay friends and this has caused some issues between James and I, mostly because Winnie just can’t get over the breakup. She thinks her and James are soulmates and she just refuses to accept that he stopped being in love with her.

So a conversation they will very often have is James literally spending hours going over the logic of why he broke up with her. He tries to reassure her since they’re still friends and she’s hurting but I have witnessed some of these conversations and he’s loving but firm.

I suspect some of you will say there’s still something going on but there really isn’t. James is definitely over her. James and I moved in together just 2 weeks ago and this has caused Winnie to be worse than ever. Like she relapsed with the depression and the crying fits, they’re happening constantly again.

I went back to my parent’s place this weekend because I had to pack my car full of some more of my things, and I spent Saturday night there. Winnie must have known this because Saturday night she showed up at our place. Crying, wailing, the works.

We have a doorbell camera and I got a notification as soon as she was at the door. I didn’t see it right away but as soon as I saw it I texted and called James and checked our indoor camera to see what was going on. This is where James messed up, and he admits that he messed up.

He didn’t text me the whole night while Winnie was there. So all I knew was that she showed up, I checked our indoor camera we keep in the living room by the front door and it was turned off. This is normal, we only turn it on when we’re away from home. But I was extremely upset and distraught as I was imagining the worst.

I trust James but I just didn’t understand why he wouldn’t answer my calls, and he admits it was horrible of him. I was ready to break up with him Sunday morning but he texted me and immediately let me know that Winnie had come over.

He said it sounds really bad but she spent the night but nothing happened and he set up our indoor camera in the bedroom to prove it. I didn’t want to believe him but I did watch the footage and even though it shows both of them laying in bed, it’s true that Winnie was just crying while James was consoling her.

There are some things he did that bother me a lot. At some point he kissed her forehead, and he hugged her and held her close several times. I’m honestly speechless at that. But I understand he knew there was a camera on him the whole time and he knew I would see him doing that. So I guess he doesn’t see that as cheating.

So basically James is asking me for understanding and for forgiveness. I have the proof that nothing happened, but I’m still hurt. This isn’t how I imagined us starting our life together. What are the healthy next steps for our relationship?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Couette-Couette −  The ex knew that you went back to your parents because your boyfriend told her. He doesn’t help her to move on by being the one to console her. He just make it harder for her because he enjoys being the one who went away. It will never get better.

mspaintwarrior −  Whether James done anything with his ex at the weekend, he is out of order for putting you through their “friendship” if you’ve expressed that it makes you feel uncomfortable.

He’s enjoying the attention from both of you, and he’s leading this girl along by not holding your boundaries and having some with her.
Entirely inappropriate for her to be turning up at your home, is this something that happens often?

How did she know you weren’t home, likely because he told her? You’re giving James too much credit here. He needs to get this woman out his life, as they’re not in a position to be friends if she’s still in love with him.

Rarefindofthemind −  Stray animals keep returning to where they are fed. There’s a reason she keeps her behaviour going. It’s because it’s rewarded with coddling. At this point, I’d tell James either all contact ends completely or I’m gone.

blankspace_69 −  Oh good lord, how naive are you? This woman is mentally unwell and James’s presence in her life is making her worse, not helping in any way. The fact that he continues to have her around is sickening. It’s oh-so-very-convenient that he had a camera set up all night but how do you know it accounts for all the time they spent together?

All it shows is that they didn’t sleep together on camera in your bed, surely it doesn’t account for every minute they spent together or for their entire conversation??? This whole thing is crazy and it would be peak insanity to stay with someone willing to do this.

ellepre −  I’d break up with him.

Emlouu −  If you want to stay with him it’s time to give an ultimatum, he cuts all contact with Winnie or it’s over. Ex’s cannot be friends if one is still so in love with the other. Also does he not consider your feelings? Holding her and forehead kissing is really crossing the line, I would consider it cheating.

Personally I would end it, I don’t think he’s really over Winnie, if he was he wouldn’t entertain these convenient breakdowns and would establish boundaries for a friendship.

the-real-edward −  time for breakup; they could mess around in other rooms

captcitrus −  Gross. This is emotional cheating territory and way too much. He didn’t respond to you at all while he’s kissing/hugging her in bed the whole night?? If you do stay with him (I really encourage you not to) he needs to stop seeing her period at all and you both need couples therapy together ASAP. This is not something to get over easily.

Antique-Insurance262 −  Yeah, no. Miss me with that s**t. This sounds psychotic…he needs to get rid of her or u walk, period.

spirited_imp −  I was in a similar situation once. My bf had moved in with me, and his ex couldn’t handle it. She phoned my house and said, “Tell him goodbye,” and hung up. He went to leave to go and check on her. I told him to call a friend to go, that if he went, he could take his things with him. He chose to stay.

Some may think that was heartless or controlling, but the reality (to me anyway) is that you can’t remain responsible for someone else. You need to respect your partner and your current relationship.

Spending the night in bed with an ex consoling them would be a hard limit for me. IF , IF for some reason, I understood the support. The very least I would have expected would be for one of them to have slept on the couch.

Do you think the boyfriend’s actions were understandable given the circumstances, or were they a violation of trust? How should the couple set boundaries to rebuild their relationship and prevent similar situations? Share your thoughts below!