My bf lied to me?

A Reddit user opened up about discovering her long-term boyfriend had created a secret Snapchat account to talk to a female coworker, reigniting painful memories of a previous betrayal. With their lives deeply intertwined after 12 years together, she’s torn between staying for financial stability and leaving to prioritize her self-respect. Read the full story below to follow her emotional struggle.

‘ My bf lied to me?’

29f me and my bf have been together for 12 years since high school. We own a house together and basically have a whole life together. He cheated on me once (that I know of) 3 years ago. It wasn’t physical it was dms and random conversation apps.

Mind you this was going on the same month my grandma who I’m super close to died. She raised me and I was pretty numb afterwards. I found out a couple months later but never said anything. I was in a bad financial situation and literally needed him plus I won’t lie I still loved him.

For months I was debating on what I should do. There’s a lot of history there. Well I ultimately forgave him, after a year of working through it. Well skip forward to today and I’m in my snapchat and I see I have a friend suggestion for his contact name in my phone. I already have him on snap and this was a new second account.

I confronted him right away. I asked if he had anything to tell me. He lied. So I left the room. He kept asking me what it was and I kept asking him if he was sure he didn’t have anything to tell me I could tell he knew at least something it could be. He eventually told the truth and said he just wanted to use it to talk to a “friend” from work

Of course I don’t buy that as I’m not a complete i**ot despite previous poor decisions. And of course it’s a girl. He frantically tries to explain he just didn’t want me to worry and he wanted to make a new friend with this person without it being weird. Like can you believe this s**t.

Anyway I went dark ripped up years of pictures, memories etc from high school and up. And blocked him on everything. But now idk what to do. We have a house together and our whole live are intertwined and honestly idk if I can survive on my own.

I work a job and get paid $20 hr but in Chicago that’s eh. Idk I don’t want to feel like an i**ot anymore but I’m also realistic about life. I need his financial help and I don’t know if I can handle life alone. I have pretty bad depression and anxiety and already hated life I barely started making progress this year. Am I an i**ot.

Should I just grow up and leave his ass. I won’t lie as much as I hate him and feel disgusted I still feel a lot of love for him but that just maybe comfort and familiarity. I literally lost. Anyways if you read all this thanks for listening I guess and sorry for this bubbling idiotic mess of a life I just threw up on here.. 

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Kazlanne −  I don’t think you’re an i**ot, but I do think you’re doing yourself a disservice by staying with him. Make an exit plan, work towards it. It’s time to look after you, and knowing your value, knowing you are worth more than how he’s treating you, is part of that.

Life can be hard alone, but you don’t have to be alone forever either. You can find another partner when you’re ready, someone who loves and respects you. Don’t fall into sunk cost fallacy with your boyfriend.

Kragg_hack −  You are not an i**ot and it is scary to leave a relationship of twelve years. But you should leave your BF, he have cheated on you twice and there is no excuse for that. So, I would make your exit plan. Save money, find a place you can afford and move out when you have found it. And you can survive on your own, and you will grow from it, make friends and have a better life than you have now.

Because don’t settle for a serial c**ater just because it is scary, it will only make you sadder and it will break your spirit. Soon it will not just be texts, it will be physical and you will sit alone in the house will he is out f**king some girl.

moonsoaked −  Girl, you are such a badass for this! You deserve so much better than this l**e excuse of a guy. You can absolutely do better—do you really want 12 years to turn into 20 or 30, at the cost of your self-respect and dignity? No way! He’s a b**, and there are far too many amazing men in this world for you to settle for someone like him. You’ve got this!

Dear_Parsnip_6802 −  You don’t have to make a decision today. You don’t even need to make a decision next week. You can plan an exit. He has betrayed your trust and treating you like you’re an i**ot. He had every intention to cheat. Will you finding out stop it, who knows? It might buy you some time but I think it’s only a matter of time before he goes all the way with someone.

MossValley −  First if all, stop being so hard on yourself. You are not an i**ot. All your feelings are normal and common. Second, what is your relationship like otherwise? Honestly, do you generally trust him? Is he reliable? Hard working? Is he kind to you? Do you think he loves you? Besides the security and familiarity what do you love about him?

A relationship making it 12 years and starting so young is impressive. Most relationships do not last that long, especially when starting young. The fact that there wasn’t actual cheating is good. The fact that you too were loyal to eachother for the most part for the entire 12 years is an achievement.

The reality is your life can go on without him. You do not need him, even though it will be hard without him. If you left him you will grow and learn tremendously. It’s not as dire as you think. You two need to sit down and have a honest conversation.

Does he want to be single? Is he curious about being single? What makes him want to get to know this other person more? Do you two want to spend your whole lives together? I think it’s amazing you still love him after all this time. That in itself is special. Focus on your love for him. I know you likely both want the best for eachother.

Lying and being sneaky is no way to end this long, meaningful relationship. Figure out what you both honestly want. What you both think is missing. I’m guessing for you it’s trust. Can you work through these things together? Is it time to move on? Take a break? Honestly I think typical Relationship advice doesn’t apply here. You two have a unique relationship.

Expert_Candidate_479 −  When my mom was trying to leave my dad and struggled to leave immediately due to financial reasons, she says she would stash away cash here and there to build up something for herself without him knowing. So if you feel finances are the primary thing holding you back from leaving, this is the best way I can suggest to help give you some security when you move out

Hermitia −  You absolutely CAN survive on your own! It may be harder but you can do it. Lose the dead weight.

ConfectionExotic4992 −  You are not the i**ot however I’m pretty sure he feels like one that is unless he no longer wants to be in a relationship with you.  What I gather is he hasn’t actually physically cheated on you.  So you can save this relationship by first quit calling yourself an i**ot .

You need to become the best version of yourself take some time for yourself get a makeover maybe a new hairstyle and for sure go shopping new underwear and lingerie.  He needs to know that you can live without him and are very capable of finding another.  Hang in there girl and whatever you do do not beg him in any way that never works and it is so unattractive your beautiful! Take care of you.

Annual-Radio6905 −  You don’t need HIM financially, just need some financial help. A female coworker that needs a roommate maybe. The love you have for him is for the person you thought he was. Not for the man who cheats repeatedly. He is keeping you as a backup option while looking for someone else to be his number 1.

Should the user prioritize her emotional well-being and move on, even if it means starting over, or should she try to salvage the relationship for the sake of stability? How would you navigate love, betrayal, and practicality in such a complex situation? Share your thoughts and advice in the comments below!