My BF is so great and everyone loves him

A 27-year-old woman has been in a fantastic six-month relationship with her 31-year-old boyfriend, who is universally adored by her friends, family, and community. While their relationship is smooth with no conflicts, her insecurities and anxiety have started to surface, especially during social gatherings where he shines effortlessly.

She feels overshadowed and worries her own self-esteem may lead to resentment, even though he’s never made her feel inferior. Unsure whether to discuss her feelings with him, she’s looking for ways to stop comparing herself to him and avoid damaging their connection. read the original story below…

‘ My BF is so great and everyone loves him ‘

My BF (m31) and I F(27) have been together for about 6 months now and things are absolutely fantastic. He is the most amazing person i’ve ever met, we haven’t really argued yet (nothing to argue about) and I just haven’t seen a single red flag.

I have always struggled with anxiety, but recently I have been getting a little bit more anxious in our relationship. When I introduce him to friends and family he just fits in SO well. And I have been introduced to a lot of his family and just feel like I am not as great as he is.

Everywhere we go in our town he knows everyone and says hi to everyone. I have been told by everyone how great he is and I have to agree he’s absolutely amazing. I know it is stemming from personal insecurity that I probably need to go to therapy for, but I just feel anxious and lesser than every time we have big social gatherings.

I feel like I used to be great and people really liked me, but now I just feel like he’s better than me. How do I stop comparing myself to him? He has never once put me down this is all in my head and I haven’t really brought this up to him either which unsure if I should.

I’m glad he’s well liked hell I love him, but I just feel silly that I am comparing myself to him so much and i’m afraid it could grow into resentment that he has so many friends and so much to do without me. TLDR; My bf has so many friends and everyone loves him and I don’t know how to stop comparing myself

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

miao_ciao −  I mean if he is so great and he chose you, you must be great too, no?

Droo99 −  I think its pretty common for couples to have different levels of social interaction. Everybody loves my wife and she talks to people all the time, and she must send hundreds of messages a day to various people which sounds like hell to me.

Ultimately, people like her because she puts in the time and effort to forge and maintain the relationships.  And if we’ve learned anything in America over the last 10 years, just because a bunch of people like you it sure as hell doesn’t mean you are a good person lol

Your anxiety about it sounds like a problem that either therapy or medication might help with though

Responsible_Lake_804 −  You’re in the good, easy part and now fears are starting to c**ep in. It’s time to act. Start working on your anxieties now before it comes out in bad ways. Maybe you would like to go to therapy, maybe you can look into resources about this topic.

Maybe you can research healthy relationships and the best way to handle these things. You should also tell him about this and give him a chance to support you and reassure you. Start now with communicating, “I feel anxious about this. Can you please reassure me?”

I really hope it works out, because your relationship sounds healthy and your partner sounds like a great person. And you are already recognizing your thoughts and asking for help. That’s very hard to do and it’s admirable. Best of luck.

Summer_is_coming_1 −  You are finding reasons to be anxious and probably gonna self sabotage this relationship.. that’s what you should discus with your therapist and seek out help for the need to sabotage things when things are going great in your favor

laCantarella −  Agreeing with everyone else, therapy is a good idea. But to be fair, it’s not a magic bullet. the thing is.. you don’t need to compete with your partner for popularity. Your light doesn’t shine less when you’re with him. Consider him maybe more of an amplifier. And you said it’s all great otherwise.

So this anxiety is all your own making. If you let negative thoughts about him fester, it’ll not do your otherwise great relationship any good. Try to already dig deeper.

Why are you so concerned that your partner (and you should rather be happy about him being well-liked by your friends and family) may be more liked? I don’t think this is particularly about him. I do hope you manage to keep the thoughts at bay 🙂

blumoon138 −  You are spot on. This is an EXCELLENT reason to go to therapy.

ImUrRegret −  You are overthinking it and it may affect your relationship to him and even possibly with his friends, families, co-workers. You have to kill those thoughts because it won’t do you any good. I get it, it is normal but you have to control it.

Like others said, if he’s such a great and amazing dude, you must be pretty special if he choose you out of 8 billion other humans in the entire Planet Earth. Hmm Technically apprx 4 billion other women.

Blyndde −  Comparison is the t**ef of joy. Somebody else is shine does not diminish your shine. Therapy is not a bad idea. I also would focus on the fact that people like you. Just because they like him, they don’t like you any less. It’s not a competition, it’s not like there is only so much liking people are able to do.

caitparo −  I felt this way about a previous boyfriend, so I can relate. I think you have already identified that it’s your own thought patterns and insecurities that are making you feel this way. I wonder whether you’ve considered what might be underlying those feelings though.

Are you scared that he will abandon you? Have you had other people in your life make you feel less-than — maybe friends or family? Those thoughts and insecurities you’re having have to stem from somewhere.

But either way, I think you should trust that your boyfriend is with you because he thinks you’re great, and so that’s a lot of the reassurance you need. ☺️ If there’s a part of you that struggles that he has more to do without you, perhaps you could focus a bit more on spending some time with the people in your life you have connections with?

Not everyone is someone with a big circle of friends and that’s perfectly fine. I do really understand how you’re feeling and how challenging it can be, but it’s important that you consider how you might move through those feelings and also how you might communicate with your bf about them, too. ❤️

Have you experienced similar feelings of insecurity in a relationship? How did you address them while maintaining a healthy dynamic? Share your thoughts and advice below!