My best friend/best man [24m] stole a wedding idea from me [23m]. My wedding is in a little over a week and I’m freaking out. Am I being petty?

A groom is devastated after his best friend, who is also his best man, stole a deeply personal and unique wedding idea for a first dance, just days before his own wedding. The groom had been planning the special moment as a surprise for his bride, but now he’s unsure how to proceed. Should he confront his friend, come up with a new plan, or stick with his original idea? Read the full story below.

‘ My best friend/best man [24m] stole a wedding idea from me [23m]. My wedding is in a little over a week and I’m freaking out. Am I being petty?’

Kyle and I have been best friends since junior high. I’m not going to go into massive detail about our friendship, but he’s really important to me and we’ve been through a lot together. Anyway, fast forward a decade or so and Kyle and I both get engaged around the same time to two wonderful women. It’s been really fun planning a wedding with another couple and my fiance, Kacie, and I love having them around.

Now, Kacie is a bit of a control freak. She has mostly had final say on everything in the wedding, not that I’m complaining. She has better taste than me and the wedding is going to be really beautiful thanks to her.

The one thing she has let me have complete control over is the first dance. I was ecstatic. I really wanted to show her how much she means to me with this dance. I picked out Peter Gabriel’s “The Book of Love” and edited a video of pictures of her and I growing up, meeting, and falling in love. And then I commissioned an artsy friend of mine to make a literal Book of Love with all our pictures in them. I’ve cried every time watching it. The whole thing is going to be a huge surprise for her.

The only other person who knew about this was Kyle. He kept saying how cool it was I was doing this and how he wished he’d thought of something like it. Kyle’s wedding was this weekend. And holy s**t, their first dance was to Book of Love and he edited a video of their baby pictures and their relationship. My heart f**king sank like a brick. He wouldn’t talk to me during the reception and hasn’t responded back to any of my texts.

What the hell do I do? I can’t go through with my plan. Our social circles intertwine and I’ll look like I stole his idea. Should I just tell Kacie and have her help me with a new idea? Do I tell Kyle he’s not welcome at my wedding? Or am I just being silly and just go ahead with my plan despite how I feel? Tl;dr–Best man stole my wedding idea a few days before my wedding.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

bananafor −  Yes, tell Kacie, show her the book you made to prove it was your idea. Now work with her on how to handle the wedding. You can be romantic, but practical. Maybe she can help think of a new song. Lazy Kyle didn’t do a book, and everyone does a photo montage anyway.

Waitingforadragon −  I agree that what your friend did was s**tty and pretty sad, but I think given that your wedding is so close you just have to let go of it for now. You can still give your fiance the book and the video, I think she will love it and it’s still an incredibly personal thing. They are your photographs and your unique story after all. She will always have it to treasure and to look at, it’s not a total write off.

I’d tell her the truth about what happened before the wedding. She deserves to know that you did put a lot of effort in and that it’s unfortunate that your friend messed it up for you. She will still see how much you mean to her. Try to look at it positively, now you can choose a song together that you both love, something that is deeply meaningful to you both.

KaylaR2828 −  The fact that Kyle is ignoring you is a pretty clear indicator that he knew what he was doing wasn’t going to be well received by you. Since he can’t even be bothered to respond or give you any sort of explanation I would send him one last text stating that he’s no longer welcomed to your wedding. At this point he should know what he’s done.

Some people may say that’s too much but honestly he’s ignoring you after copying something you put a lot of work into. Getting inspiration from you and asking your input is one thing…taking something that was personal to you is another. As for telling your fiancé I think it’s best to tell her before the wedding. I know it will ruin the surprise but if you decide to tell Kyle not to come chances are she’s going to be worrying all day about what happened and wouldn’t be able to enjoy herself.

GeektasticCatLady −  Make an announcement at some point saying “I came up with this idea quite awhile ago and loved every minute of making it. I finally finished it on (date) and am so happy to share it with all of you.” You could also add in a “I really knew it was a great idea when BFF was so wowed with my idea that he did it himself. He did a great job on his, but I must say I’m partial to mine as it features my beautiful new bride”. It’s okay to brag a little, you put lots of time and effort in to it.

[Reddit User] −  I would show Kacie the video and give her the book and tell her that you made it first and Kyle stole the idea from you. I would then tell her that you uninvited Kyle and picked another best man because you should considering that is a really s**tty thing to do and he knows it. He’s probably expecting it, honestly. I would probably still play the video but change the song since the wedding is in a few days.

fuzzyqueen −  Full disclosure to your wife, and work on a new idea together. She needs to know, especially since you two were close to Kyle and his bride. It can help aleviate her stress if they don’t show to your wedding.

[Reddit User] −  Your friend is an a**hole. It’s petty maybe but he ignored you for a reason. I wouldn’t want to be someone’s friend if they stole ideas and ignored me to avoid admitting how s**tty they are.

[Reddit User] −  I hate to break it to you, dude, but this is not exactly an original idea. Which is not to say that Kyle didn’t swipe it wholesale from you, and that he’s not an ass for doing so. But unless you’ve got an alternate song that would work just as well, that doesn’t mean you should change your plans. If anyone comments on it, just grin and say, “Yeah, I’ve been working on this for a while, and I guess Kyle was inspired by all the conversations we had about it. You know what they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery!”

As for what to do about his participation in the wedding, be clear that he needs to talk to you if he’s still interested in the best man gig. If he doesn’t, problem solved. If he does, and you don’t wind up clearing the air before the wedding, you can keep his duties to the bare minimum, and either decide what you want to do about the situation later or just fade out.

Daemon42 −  So pick something new (that will surprise your bride) and commit to killing it – then in private (and AFTER the wedding) admit to her that you had worked on something that you discarded because you felt like it was going to be viewed as a copy. Or ask Kacie if she’d like to plan any surprise for your wedding guests together… then later show her your work.

Key point here is that to you this “surprise” has become tainted and you are going to be overly sensitive about it now. You don’t want to deal with that baggage on your wedding day – nor should you. If you think it won’t be – then who the hell cares if someone else used it.
You are the creative genius on this venture – so spin your own ideas and make it great.

p.s. A really good one is to prepare loads of things/notes to string out on your honeymoon. A card on her pillow for her to find after getting ready in the morning… or surprise activities. That will be 100% for your bride to enjoy and that is who you want to impress anyway right?

throwaway19982015 −  Well, your friend is a real asswipe for sure. Here’s what I would do: Remove him from best man duties effective immediately. Explain to your fiancee that you guys had a disagreement and he’s been ignoring you ever since. Work with her to ensure that the best man duties are covered by whatever replacement you choose.

I would not personally uninvite him to the wedding since his wife and your fiancee seem like they’re probably friends? I also think there’s a chance you might regret excluding him once your wedding and the feelings from this blow over, and I don’t think you’ll regret inviting him in the end. I’d stick him at table 47 with a bunch of strangers for sure though.

Set the video to a different song – I know this feels VERY personal to you but truthfully, I’ve seen about a dozen photo montages set to romantic music and no one will bat an eye thinking you “copied him”. Hell, they probably wouldn’t even notice if you did keep the music the same… but I think it will bother you so I’d choose a different song. Maybe there’s something that’s very specific or personal to your relationship with her? If anyone does bring up the similarities, I’d just smile and say, “Yes, I showed Kyle my montage a few weeks back – he obviously thought it was a good idea!”

I would then, during your honeymoon or another time after the wedding, present her with the ACTUAL Book of Love that you made her, explain what happened, and ask her to share the actual first dance you had in mind privately with you. Play the song and dance together. GUARANTEE this will make this all the more special, because it’s a memory between just the two of you and not a show for all of your friends and family.. (edit for formatting)