My best friend (20/M) at the time broke off our friendship 2 years ago because he said I (22/M) made him question his s*xuality, and it still kills me everyday

A Reddit user shared their emotional struggle after their best friend of many years ended their close friendship. The friend revealed that their deep connection made him question his sexuality, and he needed to step back to figure things out. Despite occasional contact, the friendship hasn’t recovered, and the user finds themselves missing their bond deeply.

Now, they are unsure whether to reach out or wait for their friend to initiate contact. Read the full story below to understand the complexities of their relationship.

‘ My best friend (20/M) at the time broke off our friendship 2 years ago because he said I (22/M) made him question his s*xuality, and it still kills me everyday’

So, to start, we were completely best friends. To the point that during school, or sports, or anything else, we were pretty inseparable. Our friendship came so easy from the start back in middle school. We started out as baseball teammates and close neighbors back in 2009 or so. Gradually we became closer and closer friends.

Eventually it got to the point where we were literal BFF’s, as silly as it sounds. We were always teased in high school and by buddies because we were like a power couple of best friends. We did pretty much everything together, but it was always platonic as we dated girls in high school and did our own thing.

It got to the point where his family called me their adopted son because I was over so often, and same with him. We both basically got adopted into each other’s families because we spent so much time with each other. Every weekend we would plan what we would do, and make sure it was always coordinated together.

If he wanted to hang out at another friend’s house he’d always ask me if I wanted to go, and vice versa. We were as close as friends could be, I assume. Eventually I had a fallout with my family and his mom offered their spare room to me to stay while I figured stuff out (mind you I was 17 and a new senior in high school, and he was 15 going into his sophomore year).

For the next year and a half I basically lived with him and his family. It got to a point where we just called each other brothers and not friends anymore. For the time I lived with him we got even closer. He knew everything about me, and I knew everything about him. Our friends joked that he was dating me as much as he was dating his girlfriend.

At the time is was a joke, because neither one of us had any interest in actually dating because we both were straight. Well I graduated and moved to a different city for school, and we kept in touch basically 24/7 still. From the minute we got up to the minute we went to bed we were always texting, snapchatting, or something, just to stay in contact.

But to my surprise when I started my sophomore year of college and he was a senior in high school, out of nowhere he asked me if it was ok to step back and move out. And I was pretty shocked, because for the last 5 years we basically were brothers and best friends, but because I cared for him and what he thought I agreed, but asked why.

And his response was that our relationship had gotten to a point with him that he didn’t know what he wanted. He said I started to make him question his s*xuality because our friendship started to feel like dating without any physical things. He said he still loved the friendship but needed to take a break and figure things out.

Well, it’s been 2 years now and I still miss our friendship. I will occasionally look back on all the screenshots I have of our conversations, or snapchats, and re-live some of my favorite memories as a kid/teenager. I don’t know what to do, because the longer it goes the more I miss our friendship.

We have very little contact since then, usually a once in a few months quick text. I want to text him that I miss our friendship, but since he’s the one who broke it off, I feel like he needs to initiate it, but might not want to. I don’t want to date him, I just want my best friend back and I have no clue how to walk this line.

See what others had to share with OP:

maedocc −  I want to text him that I miss our friendship, but since he’s the one who broke it off, I feel like he needs to initiate it, but might not want to. You can go through life never knowing if he wanted to contact you too, but was too embarrassed at how he broke off your friendship to ask you to be friends again.

You don’t know if he’s open to being friends again, but *he* also doesn’t know if you want to resume your friendship. I encourage you to take the first step. He was your best friend. It’s okay to tell him that you miss him and you want to be his friend again. Be aware that you guys might never get back to the intense intimacy you had as kids.

You live apart, your lives have diverged — as the saying goes: You can’t step into the same river twice. Also, as an aside, read up on how toxic masculinity damages men. Society doesn’t really make it easy for men to be BFFs, to love one another platonically (note all the people who implied you guys were dating, etc). I’m a woman and having a best friend is *vital* to my life and happiness, and no one questions that.

lalee_pop −  It’s a “hey! I’m going to be home (or wherever he is) on this date. You wanna hang out?” Or, “we should catch up.” Let it go from there. Stop over thinking it and make the effort. You don’t know how it’ll end up unless you try. The worse that happens is that you’re where you are now, with no friendship. You have nothing to lose.

paradoxium777 −  Damn that’s rough, especially considering that you basically were his adopted brother and now he wants to separate. I wish there were a quick fix or a way for him to just welcome you back in his life with open arms. The best advice I can offer is to try and give him some space, but let him know you’re there as his friend. If he’s gay or bis*xual and is just coming to terms with it now, he’s going through the ringer

I don’t suggest trying to be in a romantic relationship with him unless you both want it and it doesn’t seem like you do. If you are comfortable saying it, I would tell him “You are my friend, if you are bisexual, gay, or just attracted to me, that doesn’t change the fact that you are my friend and I will always love you.” I get that saying I love you to a friend can be awkward, but he’s also your brother, and I love you comes easier with family.. ​

Think of this as if you had a female friend tell you they were attracted to you. How would you react? If you are interested, you’d try and date them. If you weren’t interested, you’d let them down easy, but try and stay friends. It’s a similar situation now. And if you aren’t attracted to him, it’s the same as if it were a girl.

However, it gets a little more complicated depending on how you both and your families view gay relationships. If both of you and both your parents are big LGBT+ activists, then show him your love and support in whatever decisions he wants to make. Be there for him as a friend and brother and tell him how you are there to help him however you can.

If there is some disdain or fear of gay relationships, tread lightly. He’s shared it with you, but may not be wanting anyone else to know. Tell him you want to be there for him, but understand if he needs space to figure things out. Let him know that if he ever needs help, someone to talk to, or just a shoulder to cry on you’ll be there.. ​

He’s confused and is shutting you out because that’s the simplest thing right now. But if he’s struggling, make sure he knows you want to help carry the load. Your friendship will likely never be the same, but if you show him love and respect, you will both grow stronger because of it.

crispy-y −  I had a falling out with friends 2 years ago, I made a mistake and thought the solution was putting distance between us and cutting off contact, I missed them desperately but could never bring myself to text first out of the sheer fear of knowing it was my fault the friend ship ended.

well, about a week ago they reached out to me and we’re starting to rebuild our friendships and make up for it, and I appreciate it so much cause otherwise I might have never talked to them again. moral of the story, dont be scared to make the first move, cause he might be more scared to reach out to you, even though he needed a break, he probably misses you too

[Reddit User] −  Most people never get that close to anyone. Of course you miss it. You should not fight moving on.

BWFeuntaco −  I think theres a possibility that youre taking things the wrong way. I think what he might mean is that you two spend so much time together making all these great memories when he should be spening this time with a girl he likes and making memories with someone he sees a future with not with his friend.

I can see his point if hes the type of person who puts love over friendship. If you two are socially awkward and only have each other to rely on I could see how he would want to spread out and find other friends and meet girls that he could potentially fall in love with. Being such good friends with you might make him not want to challenge himself and take the big first step since people usually just do what’s comfortable.

Regardless though I think you should do the same and make new great memories with new people cause I garuntee you even if you guys do end up becoming friends after 2 years there’s no way it’s gonna be the same as it was

EternallyGrowing −  You could tell him you miss your little brother. And ask him if he ever figured things out.

Platemails −  I have a platonic best friend that has been like my brother for almost 16 years, lots of glaring similarities to your situation. You should reach out, speak your peace, even if he doesn’t feel the same way, you will have peace of mind knowing your voice was heard.

DukeOfYorkshirePuds −  Dude, did you even try saying, “no h**o” to him?

Would you reach out to a friend in this situation, or let them make the first move? How do you balance respecting boundaries while expressing your feelings? Share your thoughts and advice below!