My baby (M 13mon) was in the hospital for a few days and not once did my MIL(45) check up on him?

A mother recounts a stressful experience after her 13-month-old son ended up in the hospital with RSV and bronchitis. Despite expressing concerns about her son’s health, her MIL pressured them into a 9-hour trip for Thanksgiving, only for the family to reveal they were sick after they arrived.

Shortly after returning home, the baby’s condition worsened, leading to a hospital stay where his low oxygen levels could have been fatal. While friends and distant acquaintances reached out to check on the baby, the MIL didn’t once inquire about his condition, reacting minimally to updates or ignoring them.

Now, the mother is torn about whether to address her MIL’s lack of concern in a way that avoids unnecessary conflict. read the original story below…

‘ My baby (M 13mon) was in the hospital for a few days and not once did my MIL(45) check up on him ‘

So my MIL was adamant that we come for Thanksgiving even though it would be a 9+ hour drive for us. We told them that if any of them were sick or if our son was sick we wouldn’t go because he gets sick so easily and each time usually has us in urgent care.

She the proceeds to freak out and call us selfish for keeping her grandson away from them and that he’s supposed to meet family for the first time and we can’t take that away from them. She then tells us that it didn’t matter because nobody was sick so we were fine and we needed to come.

My husband felt bad so he said we should go after his mother freaked at him, and even though I didn’t like the way she spoke to him I said yes because he really didn’t want to let his mom down.

Anyways, we get there and then after we’ve been there for about a day and a half, someone accidentally admits that they were all sick. By then our son was already coughing. (I assumed it was because of the dogs he was slightly allergic to so I wasn’t that worried and he had his inhaler.)

I freak out because my son has asthma and he needs a nebulizer if he starts to cough really hard, which he was starting to at this point. We then quickly leave so he could get his nebulizer at home. A few days later, my baby starts wheezing and coughing really hard, with a fever of 103 degrees.

(We’ve already taken him to urgent care at this point but it’s gotten worse) I quickly take him into the ER and they let us know that he has RSV and bronchitis, add his asthma to the mix, his oxygen level was so low that the doctors told us that if we didn’t bring him in when we did, he could’ve passed away.

It ended up with us getting transferred to a bigger hospital and a multiple day stay in the hospital because his oxygen level wouldn’t stay up. During that time I had multiple people check up on him, even people who I haven’t spoken to in years.

But not once did my husband’s mom check up on us. If he sent her updates on what was going on with our son, she would either react to the message with a heart or leave him on read. I know we all play a role with my baby unfortunately getting sick but I’ve never expected her to not once check up on him.

I kind of want to say something but I don’t know if I’m being overdramatic or anything. Is there a way that I could say something that doesn’t cause too much drama but it gets my point across?

Check out how the community responded:

No_Collar2826 −  You need to say something to your husband. He needs to put your child first next time. I wouldn’t bother AT ALL with your MiL. She’s DGaF about you or your child, that’s clear enough. There is no reason for you to communicate with her.

I do wonder if it feels easier to say something to her rather than to your husband, because you don’t have to live with her or see her daily. Your husband, however, has a huge influence in your day-to-day life… and the health and safety of your child. Save your energy for sorting your marriage out.

I might start with “Do you have any regrets about going to Thanksgiving? Because I do. I feel like people knew they were sick and lied about it because they wanted to see our baby. Don’t you think that’s messed up?” And then… the conversation goes where it goes.

danarexasaurus −  This is insanity. My son also has asthma and has been in the ER twice after he contracted MILD respiratory illness. I am very serious when I tell people we cannot come if people are sick. I cannot believe they just ignored you.

She’s a n**cissist and I would go low to no contact. I don’t think there’s any chance you’re gonna get out of this without some drama, but I think your husband should be the one handling it entirely. It sounds like she’s used to being able to steam roll over him though.

popzelda −  Is there someone else in the house who would tell you the truth about whether they’ve been sick? Because that’s the only way you could go there again. Trust has been broken. Severely.

tearoom442 −  Is there a way that I could say something that doesn’t cause too much drama but it gets my point across? What “point” are you hoping to get across? \*Of course\* any normal human being would be concerned about their grandchild almost dying!

And want to support you! What this shows you is that your MIL is a narcissistic monster, and now you should act accordingly, ie, DGAF about trying to appease this woman. Let her throw her tantrums, and just proceed to just do what’s best for you and your child at all times.

WielderOfAphorisms −  Never listen to this woman again

StellaBellaa_ −  Oh man, that’s super rough, and I’m so sorry you had to go through that! 😔 It sounds like you’ve been through the wringer with this whole situation. Honestly, it might be worth it to bring up how you feel to your MIL.

Just a simple, “Hey, it hurt that we didn’t hear from you while \[baby’s name\] was in the hospital. It’s important for us to feel supported during tough times like this.” It keeps it straightforward and opens the door for her to respond without too much drama. Hopefully, it can lead to a better understanding on both sides. Hang in there!

petit_cochon −  If your husband won’t do it, I’ll be happy to call that selfish, cold woman and yell at her for you and your child.

Responsible-Bowl-469 −  Protect your child at all costs from these people. That’s your job as their parents. You’ve got this.

Legitimate_Ad487 −  I was thinking your MIL’s lack of response may be due to guilt. She knowingly and blatantly lied to you and your husband about the health of her household and let you bring your child who is vulnerable to sickness into that atmosphere.

Now pride or stubbornness may not allow her to admit that to you all but I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t respond because she knows she was wrong for what she did and she was probably afraid that you all were going to rip her a new one for her actions.

How would you handle this situation? Should the mother address her feelings with her MIL, or let it go for the sake of family harmony? Share your advice below!