My ’45F’ boyfriend ’47M’ doesn’t want to marry me. Would you forget your dreams?

A 45-year-old woman has been with her boyfriend (47M) for three years. Both have been married before, and early in their relationship, they agreed that marriage was on the table. Over time, they’ve talked about wedding details, and she dreamed of the day he’d propose.

However, when the topic recently came up, he confessed that he no longer wants to get married, even saying “right now, no” when asked directly. She feels heartbroken and wonders whether she should accept this and move on with him — or if she’s holding onto an unfulfilled dream that will always leave her empty. Read her story below.

‘ My ’45F’ boyfriend ’47M’ doesn’t want to marry me. Would you forget your dreams?’

I ’45F’ have been with my other half ’47M’ for 3 years. We have both been married previously to our relationships. When we started dating we knew we had to have the sit down talk about what we both want neither of us are young so no point starting something if our overall wants wouldn’t work. We did this and marriage was included in that conversation and agreed.

At the start we both said we would want to wait a while and make sure our relationship was secure we have kids so that was really important to both of us. He used to joke “you know I’d marry you tomorrow if I could” we have talked all things wedding even know the first song and the cake flavours who we would invite the location type everything.

I’m not the type to push so figured when it happens it happens but have to admit when we out at a romantic meal or he tells me to dress up for an occasion or it’s a couple holiday, I always held my breath imageing him asking that question.

I’m not sure how it came up but the other week we started to talk about it and he became very withdrawn. We talked a lot and he said it just wasn’t a priority for him right now. I asked him outright “do you want to marry me” his answer after what felt like years was “right now No”. I admit I was devastated.

He talked about not wanting to be the center of attention and all the money it would cost. Thing is I don’t care about a wedding I care about a marriage going to the local office and signing the paper is enough for me. Yes like most girls I dream of the beautiful dress the big cake the first dance and all that but I would drop that in a second for him.

I suggested this but the answer was still no. I want that bit of paper, I want a husband I don’t want to correct people when they presume we’re married. We’re both financially equal so nothing to do with that and I’d happily sign any kind of pre nup.

I understand his opinion on it has changed that’s not his fault he couldn’t predict how he felt in the future but mine hasn’t changed and feel like I’ve been waiting for something that now will never happen.

Other than this one thing he is my perfect man. We enjoy each others company. We rarely fight or have disagreements we are completely in love and more than anything he has been an amazing dad to my kids.

I feel empty and I don’t know how to get past this. Would you just try and forget and carry on? Since the conversation every show I watch where there is an engagement or a wedding I just uncrontrably cry. It’s seems like am grieving a loss which I know seems so dramatic but that’s how I’m feeling. Any advice on how I can get over this would be massively appreciated. I’m so scared of being a bitter old woman taking it out on him.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

mysterypurplesock −  “Why marry again?” – there are many reasons. As a wife you have the legal right to make decisions when they’re sick (God forbid). If not, you have no say. If you’re together and one person passes away the other will most likely have financial protection, especially if it’s at an age where you’re living on a fixed income.

Lastly, marriage comes with legal benefits that protects all parties. Common law marriages do not. Some commenters trying to paint this as “just a piece of paper” when marriage legally means so much more than that. Nobody on Reddit can make this decision for you, but it seems like it is bothering you because you came to Reddit.

The only advice I have is to listen to your gut and to your heart. Sometimes someone can be the whole package and arrive at the wrong house. Relationships change and sometimes relationships become a more powerful source of strength and sometimes they grow to no longer serve us.

GenoFlower −  Why are you settling for less than your dream? When he said, “Right now, no”, did that mean he didn’t want to get married now, or he didn’t want to marry YOU now, or that any of this might change in the future? Have you asked why?

You say you aren’t the type to push, but I think in order to make your decision, you need more info, if you don’t have the answers to these questions. You said he doesn’t want to be the center of attention, but you already countered that, and that’s a no, too, so what is it really? If he can’t/won’t answer, that’s also an answer – you deserve info.

cedrella_black −  If you want a marriage, and he doesn’t, is he really your other half?

Bergenia1 −  Translation: he is content with the current situation and the services you provide, but he doesn’t want to be your family.

Auferstehen78 −  I was with my ex boyfriend for 6 years. In the beginning we would joke about getting married and what we wanted and didn’t. We never really sat down and put a timeline together or anything.

One day he randomly told me he didn’t think I wanted to get married again (I have been divorced twice). And from that he decided marriage wasn’t on the cards. It meant for me I dialled back what my expectations were for the relationship. I should have just broken up with him, but I let the relationship drag on for two more years. In the end, the breakup was the best thing. I don’t know if I will ever get married again but I am happy that wasn’t #3.

Mangogirll −  He doesn’t want to marry You. He said it right in your face. Yea you should leave him. You want marriage, not just being with someone. It’s a big dream of yours, i know when a woman says she wants marriage what it feels. I want that too.

amethystbaby7 −  his opinion didn’t change, he conned you. go check out r/waitingtowed

Certain_Mobile1088 −  He doesn’t want to be married to you. That’s the fact. It doesn’t matter why, bc he is making it clear that he does not want what you want. I’d be very hurt and still move on.

Tabula_Rasa2022 −  Did he explain why he wouldn’t do a simple service? He must have a reason beyond money if he refused that idea.. Did he elaborate?

Fine-Resident-8157 −  He refuses to follow up on agreement. Decide for yourself if you want to be with someone who outwardly goes back on his word. Ditch him or be aware that you can’t trust his words ever. Choice is yours now, he made his.

I understand how you feel. You have to realise he WAS your perfect man. After what he said, he is not anymore. Resentment and sense of betrayal will always affect your relationship from now on. Sorry for your loss.

What do you do when your heart’s deepest desire doesn’t align with your partner’s? Is love enough without fulfilling long-held dreams? Would you let go of marriage, or would this be a deal-breaker for you? Share your thoughts below — we’d love to hear your perspective!