My (41F) neighbors are making my nanny (24F) really uncomfortable and I am not sure where to go from here.

A Redditor (41F) shares an unsettling experience involving her nanny (24F) and her neighbors. After hiring a wonderful nanny, Tabitha, who formed a strong bond with the Redditor’s twin boys, things took a dark turn when Tabitha was harassed by local fathers.

After receiving inappropriate texts, including explicit requests and disturbing comments, the Redditor is unsure how to handle the situation. Should she raise awareness in her neighborhood, involve the police, or even consider moving to ensure her nanny’s safety? Keep reading for the full story.

‘ My (41F) neighbors are making my nanny (24F) really uncomfortable and I am not sure where to go from here.’

So I am a single mom of 2 twin boys that well call Luther and Donovan (3). My husband died of cancer 4 months after they were born after being diagnosed for 48 hours. It was obviously a huge shock but luckily I have amazing family and friends that all rallied together and took care of me and my boys.

I still see a therapist but the years are passing and can feel the pain fading more and more with each year. My husband and i were very smart with our money and waited about 10 years before trying for our boys and when he died I received a considerable sum of money in the form of life insurance and such.

I also am a trained RN and went back to work about a year after he died and I felt like I could be away from Luther and Donovan. However, going back to work meant placing them into a daycare program. At first it was great but then it wasn’t.

To spare the details I had one of my boys come home with a cut lip and black eye and magically no one saw how it happened. Granted boys can be boys but that’s a fairly large injury for no one to see happen.

So I decided to hire a nanny. I went through a nanny service in my city and was paired with a couple but never really felt the “click” with anyone till I met Tabitha (24). Tabitha and I were instant connection from the moment we met.

What’s even more is the cnnection she instantly had with my twins, even Luther who is EXTREMELY shy. They all just instantly fell in love and I was so beyond grateful. I come home to a clean house, happy kids, and dinner. I more then make up in compensation to Tabitha in hopes that she’ll stay with us for the years to come.

But now my problem is this. Tabitha is stunningly beautiful. I mean the first moment I met her my jaw almost touched the ground. She is the kind of natural beauty that is almost sickening because it’s just so unfair that a human can look that good without even trying. Her beauty was obviously never an issue for me at all since she also happens to be an amazing person and nanny for my family.

My husband and I moved into our neighborhood about our 5th year of marriage so these are all families I know very well. Some of them actually were a huge support during the time of his death. Most of the families are young husbands and wives and a few them have nannies as well.

They schedule play dates on an app called Meetup and go to parks and fun activities with all the kids. I told Tabitha about it right away and she was extremely excited to be out and about with other adults and to let the twins socialize with other kids. So the first event came and went and I of course asked Tabitha how it went.

She seemed a little…. Guarded as she told, “Fine.” And didn’t go into many more details. I just shrugged it off and honestly didn’t think much about it. About a week later I got a notification for another meetup and told Tabitha about it. She got really really nervous and asked if she had to go.

I said of course not but what was the problem? She burst into tears and said that the last play date she went to was awful. She said that the moms refused to even look at her or talk to her and when she asked a simple question of them snapped at her and said,

“obviously there’s no brains in that pretty body, huh?” She was stunned and decided to take the boys to the park playground since she obviously wasn’t welcomed. I guess that the husband of one of these moms chased her down as she was leaving and told her that it was just petty jealously and that he would talk to these women for her since they obviously did not know her and any friend of our family was welcome in the neighborhood.

Then he asked for her phone number to schedule more up coming play dates that would be without the drama. Tabitha said that he was really being nice and did not pick up a creepy vibe at all. Then I guess the texts started. I know this father personally as they are next door neighbors and I just can’t believe that he would do this but Tabitha even showed me her phone and it was….sickening to say the least.

There’s texts asking for nudes, texts saying that he watches her from his wondows, texts that say he’s falling in love with her, even a text saying he would pay her $1000 just to smell her hair?!?! What the actual f**k????

Not only that but hen she started recieving texts from other phone numbers, numbers I don’t even have in my phone claiming to be from other fathers in the neighborhood that are “secret admirers” and saying l**d and disgusting things to her.

I literally have no idea what to do. I am not about to give up the nanny that has been nothing short of amazing with my children, that much I know. I know I could probably go to the police for the messages but what can they do? She’s not a minor and they never acted upon anything but some of these messages are really unnerving.

Should I raise hell in my neighborhood and risk getting blacklisted? Not that I obviously want friends like that any way but I know it will cause a huge up roar. Or should i even consider moving? I just don’t know what to do

tl;dr: My wonderful nanny has been getting creeped on by my neighbors and I don’t know what to do. Really quick update: on the phone with realtor who is going to come tomorrow to get the selling process started. Thanks guys.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

psuedonymously −  A couple options come to mind. You could sit perv dad and snotty mom down together, let them know you don’t appreciate her attitude and his efforts to cheat on his wife, then watch the fireworks.. Or you could move.

skybluebear −  Here are my suggestions:

1.) Get Tabitha another phone #. Keep the old number and transfer it to a basic phone that gets texts and calls. Keep the phone so that you have a record of the harassment, but poor Tabitha doesn’t have to experience it.

2.) I’m not sure if snotty mom is married to stalker guy, but either way, talk to them separately. To the stalker, say something like this: “Tabitha showed me the harassing text messages you sent her.

We are keeping a record of them. If you do not stop immediately or if you ever come onto my property or approach Tabitha or my children, we will not this keep a secret and will go to the police.” End of discussion.

3.) For the snotty moms: I’m not sure if it was one mom or a group, but I would send her/them an email basically saying: “Tabitha was very upset after the meetup the other day. After I asked repeatedly, she told me that one of you had said, “X” when she asked a question. I want you to know how very much this has hurt me and her.

With husband being gone, I am entrusting Tabitha to care for my children, and consider her part of our family. I consider you to be great friends, and I’m shocked that you could do something so rude to someone I care so much about. Would you have spoken to me like that? Tabitha is a wonderful person who does not deserve to be treated that way.”

4.) Start looking for a new place to live, these people honestly sound terrible.

5.) Tell Tabitha how much you love and appreciate her, and that you will do everything in your power to protect her from these horrid people.

criscandy −  Maybe I’m a b**ch but I’d go to the park, show the wives what their husband’s are doing and saying if this doesn’t stop you’ll have to press harassment charges. That might even be stalking “looking through her window”. I have no legal background I’m just making guesses. I feel really bad for your nanny, I’m sorry both of you have to deal with this.

RememberKoomValley −  Tabitha needs to file a police report about the harassment. “I’m watching you through your windows, please let me smell your hair” is beyond garden-variety misogyny, it shows a dangerous lack of social awareness at the least and at worst it’s an escalation toward violence.

[Reddit User] −  IANAL but this all sounds worthy of getting police involved as well. The texts are obvious harassment and being a peeping Tom is absolutely illegal. But my god I’m sorry you have to deal with this. What is f**king wrong with these people?

indil47 −  Oh, this is just so sad all around… both of you are doing everything right, and you’re being dragged into this mess. 🙁 Honestly? I would consider moving. As your boys get older and want to hang with the neighborhood kids at their respective homes,

do you want them exposed to such toxic people? Your nanny sounds wonderful and if this is what it takes to keep her with your family and provide healthy stability to your boys, I’d immediately start calling the movers.

senator_mendoza −  here’s what i’d do:

1) take a day off work and go to a play date with tabitha. introduce her to the other moms like nothing happened. talk to the other moms about how she’s been such a god send during you’re terrible and difficult time. i bet they’ll come around if you nurse it along.

they probably just caught their husbands looking and got knee-j**k jealous. if they’re ok then i’d try to get them alone with tabitha. ask them if they’ll bring their kids over during the day for a made-up reason. this kinda classic mean-girls shtick is dependent on a group setting, and if a couple of them hang out with tabitha 1 on 1 then i bet the dynamic will improve.

2) tell the dads directly to knock it off. be blunt. get them aside and say “hey cut the s**t with the texts to tabitha. what’re you doing? i know you’re a good guy and this is a temporary lapse in judgement so i haven’t told wifey, but you need to get your head in the game and clean it up.

no more. she doesn’t like it and she’s willing to forgive you if you knock it off”. then walk away. don’t debate it. i think this is totally manageable, you just need to be on your game.

TLoblaw −  As a lawyer, but not your lawyer (I am not providing legal advice): Consider contacting the police (could seek criminal charges and/or receive information on filing for your jurisdictions variant of a non-criminal stalking protective order) and give a thought to the other posts re: your potential responsibility and liability as an employer (it is unclear whether you or the agency from which she is hired would be considered her “employer”).

If she is hired through an agency of some sort, you may want contact that agency as well. All social issues/drama aside, you may wish to consult a lawyer on how to proceed to protect yourself (and your family) from legal liability. It is admirable that you want to help her out and retain the social positives she is providing your family, but don’t lose sight of protecting yourself as well. This is the kind of story that could end up in a law school text book if things went the worst way possible.

[Reddit User] −  Call the cops, make a report, and start a paper trail. DO NOT confront them. Let the police do it for you. You have to protect your sitter and your children, spare no feelings.

lost_in_your_eyes −  So this happened to me …I started nannying for one family when I was twelve that I met through my mom (coworkers ) and ended up taking jobs or play dates with the other families in the court .

When I turned 17 I had grown up, lost weight, was athletic and modeling and suddenly a dad who I used to see as harmless started harassing me. He made it so uncomfortable I was afraid all the time, because he was always in the court or at playdates, he had my number and would call the house I was sitting when he saw my car.

The child didn’t understand , and eventually I told my mom who told the parents. I’ll never forget what they did. The dad went over and called him out, in front of everyone and then walked me to my car every night, no matter what . The mom called everyone in the court and called him out and warned them.

Turns out I wasn’t the only nanny being harrased, just the first who spoke up. His wife left him and he eventually left, but the family never made me feel guilty, or scared, they protected and supported me , so all I would say is call him out, shame that son of a b**ch who messed with your sweet innocent nany, and then defend and protect her

This story raises crucial questions about personal boundaries and harassment in the community. The Redditor’s dilemma about whether to confront the neighbors or move to protect her nanny highlights the difficulty of navigating such sensitive situations.

How would you approach this scenario? Should she take legal action, or would raising awareness in the community be the most effective way to put an end to the harassment? Share your thoughts in the comments.