My (40m) friend keeps asking I do chores in my own house (32f). He’s staying on my couch for free.

The poster (40M) is questioning whether he is in the wrong for not immediately doing chores in his own home while allowing a friend (32F) to stay with him for free. His friend, who is staying on his couch after losing his apartment, has been complaining about the state of the house and trying to dictate when chores should be done.

The poster feels his friend is trying to control him and accuses him of taking advantage of the situation. He’s unsure whether he’s being manipulative by not giving his friend “a say” in house matters.

‘ My (40m) friend keeps asking I do chores in my own house (32f). He’s staying on my couch for free.’

My friend lost his apartment when his dad died. He had nowhere to go. I allowed him to stay on my couch until he gets his own place. He does not pay rent.
However, since my friend moved in, he’s been complaining I don’t pick my stuff up right away. I work a lot of hours.

Yes I’ll leave dishes but not for long periods of time. Just have no desire to get to dishes after 11 hour shifts. My friend will mosey over and complain about dishes not being done. He will also do this with a few items in my bedroom. He tries to tell me to do dishes or expects me to do them or clean my room.

To this, I usually say, um, this is my apartment l, I’m going to clean when I feel like, because you know, I’m the tenant. He gets frustrated thinking I should have the same mentality as him and even goes so far as to accuse me of taking advantage of him or something?

He says oh so because it’s your place, I should have to get treated this way, huh? He then mumbles out get back at me statements about how he can’t wait to not be around me at all. I’m confused to what I’m doing wrong or how or why he feels taken advantage of.

He acts like he’s in this really horrible situation not having me do my own dishes right away. He states he has no say in anything but like I feel like he’s trying to tell me what to do in my own house.

I can’t help but feel like he’s the one trying to be s**tty or controlling. I mean he wants to tell me what to do which is clean my own s**t. He’s the one trying to tell me what to do but I just don’t let it happen. Do you think I’m manipulating this guy, not let him have any say in things, or is he effed up?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Uranus_Hz −  “You are welcome to leave at any time if you don’t enjoy living here rent free”

TylerNadel −  Tell him he has 5 days to get the f**k out of your apartment and stick to it.

friendlily −  The only thing you’re doing wrong is putting up with this entitled, selfish, judgemental, unappreciative, bad “friend.” He’s mooching off of you and living there for free. He should be cleaning up after himself *and* you as a thank you. Kick him out and don’t let people take advantage of you anymore.

louisiana_lagniappe −  Just kick him out, already.

GingerIsTheBestSpice −  Your house, he can go kick rocks. Dishes bug him then he should wash them or go freeload somewhere else.

Odd_Welcome7940 −  Tell him to take out the trash… when he comes back, have the door locked and thank him for removing himself.

East_Tangerine_4031 −  Jesus kick him out! What the actual hell are you doing. He’s gonna have tenants rights soon if he doesn’t already.

ohsostill −  Girl, I’d be washing your dishes, your clothes, and the damn windows if you were letting me stay for free. He’s the one trying to manipulate and take advantage of your kindness. Kick him out before he steals any more of your peace. Your home should be YOUR haven and anyone that can’t respect that shouldn’t be welcome.

HatsAndTopcoats −  Gee, there couldn’t possibly be any connection between him being an entitled a**hole, and him being a 40-year-old man who’s incapable of housing himself.

Consistent_Push_6718 −  When he pays half the rent, utilities and food then he can feel free to discuss even distribution of chores. Until then if he doesnt like it, he can clean up in exchange for free rent. If not, goodbye, go mooch off someone else.

I am curious to know how he even knows the state of OP’s bedroom. None of his business, even if door was open he should never be looking. Good luck.