My (39/m) husband wants to kick our (17/m) son out as soon as he graduates.
A Redditor is conflicted over their husband’s decision to kick their 17-year-old son out as soon as he turns 18. While the husband believes the son needs to “spread his wings” and handle life on his own.
The Redditor feels their son, who has been hardworking and responsible, should have more time to figure out his future, especially with college on hold. The Redditor is worried about abandoning their son too soon, especially since they feel he isn’t ready. Read the original story below.
‘ My (39/m) husband wants to kick our (17/m) son out as soon as he graduates.’
And I’m not so sure I agree. Our son is a senior atm but, he’s expected to be graduating this year. He’ll be turning 18 in August and that’s when my husband wants to kick him out. He’s persistent in his beliefs and unwavering he wants him to spread his wings, to handle life on his own.
That also means we won’t be giving him any sort of financial aid, etc. It’s not as if our son is lazy. He’s a very hard worker and spends most his time cracking the books or at after school football practice. But, he wanted to hold off on College just until he can get a good idea to what he wants.
Personally, I found it very mature of him to want too but, my husband disagrees and thinks it’s a sign of him being lazy and immature. We’ve been arguing non-stop. My argument is so long as he is working and helping out what’s the harm in him staying?
Why should one be expected to abandon their kids the moment they’ve become adults? He’s our only child; our baby. I want him to leave when he is ready. Why push him out so soon? I sort of feel that as a mother I’ve failed if I’m abandoning him so soon when he isn’t ready.
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
[Reddit User] − I have a close friend whose parents did this to him after his 1st year of college. Completely shut off all financial aid or even communication with him, saying that “it was for his own good.”
2 years later, someone who used to be the smartest and most hardworking person I knew is working as a pizza delivery driver and other odd jobs just to make ends meet. He lives in a crappy apartment in the worst part of town. This is a guy who was the top of his class and voted most likely to become successful.
If you want your son to have a good life, help him. That spreading his wings philosophy is b**lshit, and in my opinion something that lazy parents use to get rid of their kids. Children are a lifelong commitment and investment, not something to be disregarded after 18 years.
Acceptable_Recipe − If you let his father do this to him, especially as callously as he seems to be about it, your son will blame both of you equally. And you’ll probably both take the brunt of the consequences of that decision.
You have every right to decide to support your son if you wish to. It’ll give him a much better life down the road, and you’ll have a much better relationship with him. Don’t let your husband strong arm you into thinking you shouldn’t, or can’t, support your own child.
monkey_mcdermott − Your husband wants to kick your son out in the midst of a pandemic with most businesses shut down and the housing and school markets absolutely punitive? I’m sure that wont lead to a rift in the family at all.
DeathBahamutXXX − How is your husband’s relationship with your son normally? Is your son aware of any of this or does your husband want to surprise him in his birthday and tell him to GTFO? Does your husband happen to be your son’s stepdad (just clarifying)
HungUpTheJersey − I think this is one of the arguments where you just have to veto your husband. Don’t fight him about it just say “Husband, I’m not kicking our son out and there is nothing you can say or do that will stop me.”
I’m not going to go into the specifics of how kicking your son out will ruin your relationship with him or how your husband is an a**hole because I think you already know that. Just say no. And if he doesn’t respect your decision, tell him to leave. Your husband has no leg to stand on if you just say no.
PrincessBella1 − The world today is not like it was when you husband was 18. Especially since the economy is going to s**k due to the Coronavirus. Also, the same job that paid a living wage long ago doesn’t now so how is your son supposed to survive?
As others have mentioned, you need to veto your husband. If your son doesn’t want to go to school, he should contribute to the household in some way but kicking him out with a high school degree in a s**tty economy and no job with no financial assistance is cruel.
It sounds like there is more to this than an opportunity to spread his wings. Have you asked your husband what the real reason behind his decision?
fairythugbrother − Personally I think that’s just stupid, it’s not always fun moving out at a very young age. I agree with letting him stay. If he is working, and contributing in some way while figuring out what he wants to do with college, I see no harm in it.
I will never understand parents who feel like they need to kick their kids out because they turn 18. Most 18 year old are clueless about life ,and what they want out of it.
It’ll be like throwing him to the wolves. He is your son too, the decision can’t be made by him alone. If somehow he gets his way, you keep doing your part as a mother to support him, he will appreciate you.
hollymayewho − So my bestfriends parents did this to her. She made good grades, barely got in trouble, was in clubs in highschool, ect. She turned 18 a few months before she graduated highschool and her parents demanded she get a part time job and give them her paychecks so she would learn about life.
The week after we graduated she was kicked out because she was an adult. When she tried to go to tech school they refused to give her their tax info for financial aid because she needed to do it herself for some reason.
You want to know what happened? She got into an a**sive relationship she was afraid to leave because she would be homeless, ended up pregnant, had to work 2 full time jobs to get away from the father, got into another bad relationship and had another kid,
got laid off with no savings, and now lives with a friend in a 2 bedroom apartment with 6 kids between them. She went from honor roll student with dreams of being a lawyer to this all because her parents decided she needed to take care of her 100% with no help at 18.
Oh and by the way her parents have never met their grandchildren.
BurnieBlanders − Personally I think your Husband has no idea what it takes to actually make it 100% on your own this day in age. He’s going to struggle especially if he plans to go to college later.
Not to mention he is thinking about doing this when we are gauranteed to have one of the worst recessions in our lifetime coming out of this lockdown. If your Husband plays the “I did it at 18 and I’m great card” he did it 20 years ago and if he thinks the world hasn’t changed he’s dillusional.
Personally, I agree with you. Your son has a job and motivation to learn. I promise from personal experience that if you’re going to bed hungry, worrying about keeping a roof over your head, or grinding out 40+ hours at a job most people won’t have the drive to do more, but just scrape by.
Maybe making your husband literally write out the expenses it takes, food, rent, utilities, auto insurance, gas, plus the enormous cost of attending college. He’s going to see it takes an astronomical amount of money. I really wish the best for you and your son and I hope your husband can understand the simple logic the world isnt the same as 20 years ago.
ElkorDan82 − Amazing parenting. I love how so many are so willing to abandon their children once they’re 18. I really wish they’d go out and admit they don’t care. Have the decency to say so. 18 is still a kid and unless they’re lazy useless leeches you’re still obligated to help them.
Do you think parents should encourage independence even if it feels too soon, or should children have more time to grow before being pushed into the world? How do you think the dynamics of this family will change as they navigate this tough decision? Share your thoughts below!